TW- what if I deserved it?

[Deep Blue]

Thanks San,
Thanks 

[Bella]

I just wanted to say how much I relate to the confusion! What is true and what is not!? 
But I do know one thing; and that is that you never EVER deserves to be abused or mistreated! Trauma messes with our head so badly...! If we had been surrounded by safety, love and acceptance, we would know down deep within ourselves that we don't deserve to be abused. When we lack this, confusion sets in.
It's not your fault! You are not to blame!
I'm happy to see you back on the forum!
Sending a warm hug, if that is okay with you! You are not alone!

[Not Alone]

No matter what you said, it was NOT your fault. I understand though. I also took the blame for abuse.

[marta1234]

Deep Blue, I wanted to mirror what everyone has said. It is not your fault. The abuser did this to you, and it's only their doing. I'm sorry you're going through this. The more I've been delving into my abuse, the more these thoughts come up for me too. I found myself telling a close friend that I deserved the physical abuse. All that I want to say is, that I understand where you're coming from. And how scary it is. Sending you support and a hug (if it's ok) 

[Deep Blue]

Thanks all for your words of support.

You know what's strange? If it was anyone, other than myself, I would view the situation differently. I'd never say it was their fault...  but I just can't get there in regards to myself.  I just can't let myself off the hook I guess 

[sanmagic7]

give yourself time, ok?  you do deserve that as well as kindness, caring, and love.  i have faith you'll get to knowing where the fault lies when you're ready.  we're always hardest on ourselves cuz, it seems to me, it's easier. until it isn't.  love and hugs, my dear db.

[Blueberry]

give yourself time, ok?  you do deserve that as well as kindness, caring, and love.  i have faith you'll get to knowing where the fault lies when you're ready.  we're always hardest on ourselves

to you DB

[wingsunclipped]

Hi Deep Blue,

I agree with the sentiments of everyone in that no-one deserves to be abused and that survivors of all trauma`s are not to blame even though our brains often trigger or even trick our feelings of doubt, guilt and shame which adds to the confusion leaving us to think that maybe we were at fault, when we most certainly are not.

I would like to offer you a hug if that is ok? I would also like to offer you some hope.....your questions, your doubts and your pain are all part of your healing process and you are so much stronger than you can possibly imagine. I hope you do not mind me sharing a process i have been and still am currently working through as my intention is really to offer you support and encouragement as well as recognizing your courage.

I have now learned to see these thoughts and feelings for what they are, imposters!! With the biggest one being that i was not good enough, (the very same imposter as "it was my fault"). I no longer see staying in that environment meant that i deserved this. As a child or an adult if we stay in an abusive environment, then we do this partly out of fear, partly out of survival and as weird as this may sound partly out of 'love'!! Always without a choice!!!

Deep Blue your inner courage and love for yourself, your love and compassion for others will come out, it may not feel it at the moment but it will. And that is what makes you stronger than those imposters in your mind and always stronger than those who were to weak and insecure to recognise the wonderful person you are and always have been.

[Deep Blue]

Wings,
Wow! I can't tell you how much what you said just clicked with me. 

Staying in an abusive environment does not mean that I deserved it.  I can honestly say I never would have thought of it that way.  Thank you so much for saying that.  That simple statement does give me hope.

My story is exactly as what you described.  I stayed for fear, for survival and also for love.

Back to you and thanks.  The revelation you gave me today is nothing short of HUGE