Letter (maybe in sort of poem form) not to send, to my FOO

[Hope67]

Letter to: Not to Send.  23rd November 2020 to my FOO:

I feel heavy with emotion, and I feel choked up with unexpressed tears. 
They lay heavy on my heart and in my soul,
You laid your stuff upon me, and I felt smothered by you
You didn't tell me the truth

I feel really upset – I feel really upset – a whoosh of emotion beneath that.
It strangles my throat.
My tears feel wet – just hanging like sore beads from my eyes.
You did me wrong and I can't forgive you.

You lived your life and made out that you were perfect
That there was nothing bad to see, and nobody should tell.
You didn't share any details, you kept them close to you.
I tried to be the daughter you needed me to be.

I find it hard to speak the truth of what went on,
Because you never shared or spoke of what it was.
I tip-toed constantly around it, never understanding or feeling part of it.
But impacted by it, just the same.

Emotions, they are heavy, and I feel them.
Look what you've done to me, the impact on my life
Strangling the joy out of my day – who gave you that right?
You make me feel like I'm a disappointment.

Part of me wails as she feels the intensity of that belief,
That she failed you, despite all that she did.
Part of me rises up to protect me
To tell me that I did my best


I really feel let down by you,
You were parents, you should have been there for me,
You should have nurtured and protected me,
But instead you neglected me in so many ways

I have gaps in my memory,
I have spaces in my heart,
Lurching between a dark place and glimpses of terror,
I hold out my hand to rescue my wounded children who hide in those dark places.

Sometimes they hear me, and share things with me,
But often they continue to hide away
I'm not sure if they trust me enough to show them the way out
I'm not sure if I can help them enough


But I will continue to try.

Hope 

[Tee]

  I hear your pain. 

[Not Alone]

Hope, thank you for sharing your poem. I can relate to many parts of it.

[marta1234]

Thank you Hope for sharing your poem. I'm grateful that you felt safe enough to express that vulnerability. I too relate to some parts of the poem. It helps that it's written in words with so much meaning behind them (I hope this makes sense).