Resources for child prisoners?

[Jazzy]

I'm hesitant to call myself a child prisoner, because I wasn't actually chained up. However, physically, I was not allowed to have friends, leave the house, or even go to school.

The psychological aspect is worse. Its amazing, but you don't really need physical chains with "the right psychological conditioning". Maybe its worse in a way. With physical chains, when they get broken, you are free to run to safety. When the chains are in your mind, its not so simple. "Safety" has been transformed to danger, and you don't know how to get there anyway.

Does anyone know of any resources to help with this kind of a childhood? I guess with integration in to society after growing up outside of it? Now that I'm an adult, it feels like I've just been thrown in to the general population. It seems like everybody just expects everything to magically work out, but surely we don't actually believe that!

I really need help, and I don't know how to get it.

[Hope67]

Hi Jazzy,
I've been thinking about what you've said here, and wanted to say something in reply - because it resonates with me and I relate to what you said.  The term 'Stockholm syndrome' comes to mind for me - as I think there are similar things within that, to what you're describing.  I don't know whether you agree or not. 

For me, I've found that reading books about people's experiences have been beneficial - maybe because it helps to reassure me that what I've felt and experienced in my childhood is something that someone somewhere else has also experienced.

I would also hesitate to call myself a child prisoner, there were no chains or physical restraints, BUT there was a lot of constraints in psychological kinds of ways.  I felt like mine was a 'gilded cage' - yes, I could fly out sometimes, but I was often scared about my behaviour and needed to conform to unwritten rules for fear of something bad happening.

You asked if anyone knows of any resources to help with that kind of childhood - I don't think I know the answer to that, but I hope that you're able to find something that will help.

Also, I wanted to say that I'm glad to see you back, as I missed you!  I should have written that first, but I wanted to reply to your post about 'Resources for child prisoners'.

Hope 

[Jazzy]

Thanks Hope. I don't know too much about Stockholm Syndrome, but I think it is similar, or at least related to the situation.

Its always good to feel like someone else has been through the same/similar, and we are not the only one. I guess that's why you liked the book The Secret Garden so much. I haven't read the book, but I saw a movie about it, and it was really difficult for me. That was many years ago though, perhaps I should try again, now that I am further along my healing journey.

I'm sorry you went through such a difficult time. It is horrible that even though you could go out, you were still leashed by the fear. Thank you for sharing though, it helps me to feel less alone.

I will keep looking, there must be something out there. If not, there needs to be.

Thank you for the kind words also. It is so easy to feel that I am not important to anyone, so it is great to hear I was missed, and you are happy I am here.

[Kizzie]

What came to my mind Jazzy was a new term I'm seeing more and more - "coercive control" - which refers to "an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim."

In the end I think most CPTSD develops as a result of being trapped in an ongoing  traumatic situation in which we had no real or perceived control which was the case for most of here who were abused/neglected as children. 

It doesn't have to be physical, emotional abuse is just as traumatic if not moreso (and really, all abuse/neglect is ultimately emotional when it comes down to it). 

[Jazzy]

Thank you Kizzie, that is a good term. You make a lot of good points here.