So sorry about your Dad DarkArt Girl, the holidays just make our wounds hurt more than ever. I know that feeling of being torn between compassion for my parents who suffered a lot of trauma themselves and what they did/did not do to/for me. It's especially hard when parents suffer from NPD because they don't tend to figure things out ever or get help. The thing I've learned abut my M (my F died several years ago) is that she doesn't see she has a problem and is still manipulating people to get what she wants so is content/fulfilled to a degree. My M doesn't get help either because she doesn't think she's got a problem, but also because it threatens all that she has in place to keep the pain away. She keeps on going in her little N bubble of denial and self-protection.
I doubt your F will ever be what you want, it's in the nature of NPD to push away the pain at all costs. We suffer as a result but they don't seem to see it or care because they can't or won't, it's what they have to do in order to survive.
It's so hard to accept I know and I wish it were different for all of us who have parents with NPD.
My apologies for not posting a response earlier than this - the holidays have been quite hard for me as well.