Low emotional energy

[Pioneer]

I have been "shoulding" myself for awhile now about needing to try to read more posts on this forum and to participate and encourage and make friendships. I compare myself to those who have been around for a while longer and who often have words of wisdom and empathy for others. But I am realizing the falsehood that I somehow need to compare my weaknesses to the strengths of others.

I can feel selfish (and I think I truly am a fair amount of the time) because I am so self focused. Yet, I have a thought that this feeling of low emotional energy in caring about others, is probably part of the recovery journey as well... 

As a child, I used dissociation a fair amount to survive. And so sometimes I feel like I must be disassociating if I'm not very actively involved. But perhaps I am just not able to right now...at least not to the level that I think I should.

I want to surrender my "shoulding", and shaming and show myself some empathy and kindness. That seems like a good start for wanting to be involved in others lives.

Can you relate?

[mojay]

Hello Pioneer! Thank you for sharing, I can relate to what you said about the "need to compare my weaknesses to the strengths of others." That observation is something I never realized that I did until I read this post and realized that I do that too.

I think an important part of being a part of a mental health community is being your authentic self and receiving validation that your authentic self is entirely welcome - even if you only feel comfortable or have the energy to do so every once in a while. We're here for you when you need us. I think your post shows that you're doing a really good job by sharing despite the guilt/shame that comes from feeling "selfish" (you aren't selfish at all!).

I think that focusing on the self is definitely part of the healing journey, it takes so much emotional energy to heal yourself from the inside out!! Sometimes just getting through the day drains me of all my emotional energy tbh. I was taught it's wrong to focus only on myself and that "lesson" has really harmed me. Untwisting that survival skill has helped me release the guilt I feel from being so self focused when I have the energy to focus on anything.

You're so strong for sharing and wanting to show yourself empathy and kindness, this is all an important step in the healing journey in my humble opinion.

I'm glad you're here and I'm so thankful to you for sharing your insights 

[marta1234]

Pioneer, you're not alone in this. It is okay to not have any energy to respond on this forum, or just go weeks or longer and not look on this site. I say yes, giving your self empathy and kindness is a great way to start  I've also had these periods when I'm unable to put my energy here, and then after some weeks I well better and discuss and post more on others journals.
Hope this helps Here's a hug in any case 

[Blueberry]

Pioneer, let me just say with my low low emotional energy today that I sometimes read and post on others' threads to avoid looking at my own stuff. If you are not doing that, it's a healthy sign!

[Pioneer]

Thank you so much mojayjeanne, marta and Blueberry for you loving words!  It is a safe feeling when I begin to realize that I am loved just the way that I am.

Mojayjeanne, I also fairly recently realized that I compare my weaknesses to others strengths. I came to that realization after regularly using an app called What's Up? which helps with PTSD symptoms and thinking patterns. I've been using the diary section to process my emotions - something I was not very practiced at (especially when first waking up in the mornings).

Thank you again for for all the affirmation!