Not Alone: 2021

[Not Alone]

I have shared articles with my H. I think some have helped him, especially if they are not too long. I don't remember sharing any with friends, partly because those friends have instinctual empathy. Sharing articles with them is a good idea. 

[Not Alone]

I was journaling my session today and when I got to a part where we talked about an issue that has a lot of layers, feelings, and confusion; I took a break and laid down on my bed. I fell asleep and when I woke up I had thoughts and feelings whirling around me like a tornado. I couldn't move. Not sure how long I was there before I could get up, maybe an hour. When I did finally get up, I started journaling. It must have been a younger part of me because I couldn't write in cursive. My daughter came in and I had a very brief and normal conversation with her. It always amazes me when I can present as "normal" when there is such internal chaos. Right after that the kitten jumped into my lap and started purring. The kitten really helped to bring me out of the state I was in.

[marta1234]

Sending you support, notalone  I'm sorry you had such a hard time waking up, I haven't had what you described but I've had something like that, it's a horrible feeling to wake up like that. Hope you're feeling better, sending you a cup of warm hot chocolate (or tea, whichever you prefer) and a safe blanket   

[Bluegem]

I hope you are feeling better now not alone 

It is always amazing  to me that we can function perfectly normally  to everyone else when there is a whirlwind inside us.

Pets are so soothing for the soul    I miss having a pet.

[Not Alone]

Marta & Bluegem, thank you for your support.

Tough morning with the difficult feelings of yesterday still with me. Made it through work, which was helpfully distracting. Now I feel really tired. So much is swirling around internally. I hope that what was going on yesterday is not a precursor to new memories. My nerves are on edge.

[mojay]

NotAlone, I'm sending you support through the airwaves. Animals can be such a huge help. Here is a funny kitten face: ₍⸍⸌̣ʷ̣̫⸍̣⸌₎
I am posting the kitten to your journal in hopes it will bring some additional healing power to you.

It sounds like journaling brought up a lot, you were so compassionate to let yourself rest and take a break. I hope you are able to soothe your nerves tonight, will keep my fingers crossed that the whirlwind subsides.

[Tee]

  notalone it sounds like you have had a rough week.  I'm sorry!  I hope you and your parts are able to rest. I'm not sure I would want to have my H or any of my friends to know how crazy my head is on the inside.  Maybe my T though. I might look up the books and see if I can read through some of it.  I hope this year gives us a chance to make gains moving forward on our journey. 

[Not Alone]

Mojay, thank you for the kitten face. Awesome.

Tee, thank you for your kindness. Yeah, it does seem too scary for someone else to know how crazy my head is sometimes. My therapist knows quite a bit. He assures me that I'm not crazy.

I went to a new doctor today for a pain issue. Before I went in, I was afraid that she would say or insinuate that my pain wasn't bad enough to be seeing her and that I was wasting her time. (That did not happen. She was kind, gave diagnosis, and treatment plan.) Yesterday, the Part who was in session, asked the therapist if she was wasting his time by being there. Hm. Interesting.

[Pioneer]

Notalone, I'm really glad that the doctor was kind and helpful. My h and I have seen enough doctors to know that it can be a rare experience to find a caring doctor who gives a helpful diagnosis. You are worthy of the doctor's care and kindness.

It is interesting that your Part had a "delayed reaction" toward your therapist at your session. It does make sense that you'd still be processing the event. In my experience, it takes a lot of emotional energy and courage to approach a doctor with an issue. Good work!

[Not Alone]

Pioneer, thank you for your comments and understanding.

A couple of nights ago, one of my Littles and I watched Black Beauty (the old version). Good connection time.

[Tee]

  I'm glad the Dr. Appointment went well for you.  I actually have tomorrow some testing to see why my hands go numb.  I'm worried they'll say it's all in my head.
I keep seeing black beauty on Disney and I think one of my littles wants to watch it too, cause I keep think I should watch that again it's so good.   Maybe tomorrow.  I have to go now having a rough week need to try to sleep. Hugs.

[Not Alone]

Tee, I hope your Dr. appoint goes well and that he/she has some answers for what is happening, or at least further testing. I hope you are able to get some good sleep. 

[Tee]

No answers yet just nerve tests. So I got electric shock through my hands and arms for like an hour this morning.  Thanks I hope you had a good day notalone.

[Not Alone]

No answers yet just nerve tests. So I got electric shock through my hands and arms for like an hour this morning.  Thanks I hope you had a good day notalone.

Hope you get answers soon. I've heard that nerve tests can be difficult. 

[Tee]

  thanks yeah today I got stabbed a bunch with little needles😣😥 hopefully I'll get some answers.  Hope you are doing well.  Hugs