Not Alone: 2021

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Blueberry.  to you.

[Armadillo]

How have things been going the past couple days, notalone?

[Not Alone]

Armadillo, very kind of you to ask. The last couple of days have been pretty good. On the day of the new memories, I was able to spend the whole day taking care of myself. I'm not very connected to the Little with the memories, so that probably helped too. I have another therapy session soon; I go twice a week.

[Armadillo]

Sending you and littles a gentle hug if you/they are up for it.

I'm so happy you could take that whole day to nurture yourself after those memories.

[Not Alone]

Crashing. I will be okay in a bit. Workmen in the house early this morning. Job done, but house in chaos because of the work. Saw therapist. Visited with close friend. Visited with other friends in busy situation. Friend was angry, not at me, but might have been a bit triggering. New client tomorrow for work. New is always somewhat stressful. I'm feeling the anxiety about that more than I thought that I would. Started feeling that I had reached my limit at second group of friends, but it took longer to finish and get home than I thought it would.

By the time I got home I was over my limit and needed to crash. Walked into my bedroom and bed frame was together, but boxspring and mattress were leaning against the wall.  Washed the parts of headboard that normally can't be reached and were therefore filthy. Somehow managed to get boxspring and mattress on the frame. Pulled clean sheets out of laundry and made bed. But I'm sitting on the floor, next to the bed?! 

So much more to do to get everything from being chaos. Chaos is troubling. I think for now I need to just sit on the floor for awhile. I feel really overwhelmed.

[Not Alone]

I'm doing better. Shortly after writing the above, I took a xanax. Decided to rely on a little help to tone things down a bit. Then I called a friend, who completely understands. Talking to her, and probably the xanax kicking in, helped a lot.

I did get some of the house in order. There is still a lot to do, but it doesn't feel out of control and overwhelming right now. I won't work on it any more tonight. It is actually getting somewhat late. I think I'll journal about my session for awhile.

[Hope67]

Hi Notalone,
I intended to send this hug to you last night, but I was so tired, I forgot, but I was thinking of you and hoping you were ok - I'm glad to read that you are ok, and that you talked with your friend, and that your friend understood.  Sending you that hug now, a bit later than I'd intended 
Hope 

[Blueberry]

I'm glad you're feeling somewhat better notalone. Sending  anyway because the chaos is a lot for you to deal with emotionally as well as practically.

[Armadillo]

Just saying "hey" and hope you find some peace and calm this weekend.

[Jazzy]

Oh notalone, I'm sorry you had such a hard time with this chaos, and everything else. What you wrote about sitting on the floor next to the bed after putting it together, but not yet being finished, felt so stressful and frustrating and sad. It's totally understandable that you were overwhelmed.

I'm glad you're doing better now. You're doing a good job taking care of yourself! 

[Not Alone]

Hope, Blueberry, Armadillo, Jazzy; thank you for your kind, caring words. It means a lot to me that you heard me and responded. 

Today there is nothing that I have to do. Still getting the house together, but it is not so overwhelming and can be done in small chunks if needed. Yesterday I started reading a book, I guess you would consider it a parable of Jesus. It is a short, easy to read book, so I'm enjoying that.

There were a couple of significant insights from my last therapy session. I want to spend some time exploring those issues further.

I thought about contacting my friend and offering to help her with her project, but I think I'll wait and see how the day goes. Maybe I need a day to take is slow and not have to be "on."

[sanmagic7]

hey, notalone, sorry for the absence.  i'm finally feeling a bit better, thought i'd drop by, say hi.

sounds like you've had a lot of work done on your place.  we went thru nearly 2 mos. of getting a part of the roof fixed, so i can relate.  having strangers tramping thru the house/yard certainly does feel chaotic.  and, my little friendly xanax totally helped me get thru it all!

i, myself, am in the process of taking it slow yesterday and today.  coming down from an overwhelm is draining.  you deserve a little peace and quiet for yourself, and time to get back into your own rhythm.  i hope you can enjoy your time for yourself.  sending love and hugs    

[Not Alone]

San, thanks for dropping in. I've missed you, but totally understand and support you doing what you need to do to get through these last months.

The house is still a bit crazy, but not awful. I'm down to figuring out what to do with stuff that doesn't really have a place. The kids still have more to do too.

I didn't get a lot done today, but trying to let that be okay. Went to church. I finished my book, which I enjoyed. I wrote a letter that I had been putting off writing. When I finally did it, the words came more easily than expected. Took a walk with a friend.

I'm starting to get confused and overwhelmed. I can't make my last sentence (that I deleted) make sense.  I'm going to get my dinner.

[sanmagic7]

you didn't get a lot done, you said, but then you added a list of all you did.  sounds like plenty for one day, to my mind.  don't sell yourself short - just cuz you're not flying here and there saving the world doesn't mean you haven't been doing a lot or enough.  it's all personal.  we do what we can on any given day, more or less, but there are no judges here.  i think you did plenty!

keep taking care of you.  love and hugs, my dear.

[Not Alone]

Thank you, dear San. Your response made me smile and lifted some of the "shoulds" off my chest. Like Blueberry, I try not to "should" myself, but they creep in.