Not Alone: 2021

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notalone

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #165 on: May 11, 2021, 10:56:56 PM »
Thank you to each of you who read and responded. I'm not able to address each of you right now, but please know that I appreciate your comments and care.


I applied for a FT job yesterday. I say that in a simple sentence, but the application and process was extensive and took me many hours to complete.  :stars: I think that this will be a job that I will enjoy with somewhat minimal stress. Of course all is unknown.
My husband had committed to working until the end of the year so that we have insurance. He has since said things that make me not trust his commitment. The thought of finding a FT job and working that many hours is beyond overwhelming.
The job I applied to would start at the end of the summer, I think, so if I wait until December it is unlikely I could get this type of job. I also wonder if being proactive, instead of H's retirement hanging over my head, would be better for me.

Struggled today. I've been feeling the chasm in my chest of aloneness. Yesterday in session I told something to T that I thought he would get. He wasn't on the same page about it, so that hurt and increased my feeling of alone.

I made myself go for a walk. It's sunny, but chilly. Glad I did that. Managed to go to grocery store.

This afternoon I crashed. I was feeling the aloneness. I curled up on my bed and put my hood on my head. Was in and out of sleep and felt the waves of fear regarding new client tomorrow and applying for a job. Couldn't get up for a couple of hours. Once I got up I didn't feel great, but no longer felt like I was drowning. My head is above the water for the moment.

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Blueberry

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #166 on: May 11, 2021, 11:16:24 PM »
I hear you and I think you're doing great, all things considered. You got up e.g. after a few hours (not after a few days); you applied for a FT job. It took you hours, but you got it done! :thumbup: :cheer: It would take me hours but I wouldn't get it done. I know from experience.

So kudos to you for keeping going!  :hug: :hug: :hug:

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notalone

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #167 on: May 11, 2021, 11:49:14 PM »
Thank you, Blueberry. Your encouragement means a lot to me.  :hug:

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Armadillo

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #168 on: May 12, 2021, 12:10:48 AM »
It's really hard to pull our head up and get out when we are feeling knocked about by the waves and drowning. You did it. That's big.  :cheer:

Great job on the application! That type of thing takes me so many hours. Shoot just finding a password takes me hours and meltdowns. Stuff is HARD!

I'm sorry therapy made you feel alone, and maybe miunderstood. That's sad. :( I hope the feeling of aloneness lifts soon. In the meantime...give some to me! I want peace and aloneness!!!  ;D

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notalone

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #169 on: May 13, 2021, 12:07:53 AM »
Thank you, Armadillo.


New client went well today. That is a relief.  Nothing yet on job that I applied for.

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Jazzy

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #170 on: May 13, 2021, 12:21:57 AM »
I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling alone. I hope you feel better soon. :) Well done with the job application, and all your other recent accomplishments.

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notalone

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #171 on: May 13, 2021, 01:48:46 AM »
Thank you, Jazzy. Really appreciate your empathy and encouragement.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Not Alone: 2021
« Reply #172 on: May 13, 2021, 03:49:59 AM »
i, too, am sorry for your feelings of aloneness.  i hope that can get resolved.  it's no fun at all. 

i'm glad your new client went well.  good luck on the job front.  we're here for you as best we can be.  love and hugs :hug: