Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

And it worked! I already have a reply, and they apologized and clarified. I know what they're talking about, so that actually IS very helpful in choosing another pattern.  Wow. Setting boundaries worked really well here. I'm thrilled. I thanked them for the helpful quick reply.

"I'm sorry my manner sometimes comes across that way.

The lack of shaping in the shoulders and neck is my primary complaint. The way it's designed, it is likely to hug the shoulders very tightly and stand up past the ears. It's a pyramid shape. Humans are not pyramid shaped."

[AphoticAtramentous]

  Yay for setting boundaries. And I love how maturely you expressed yourself. Reminds me of the science how talking gently or quietly to someone will mostly likely result in them doing the same. We just need to at least initiate that gentleness, that productive and good-faith approach. Incredible how more useful conversations become when we all sit down and act like adults in a room, and not toddlers on the internet.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[sanmagic7]

   congrats to you, CF!  that's amazing!  well done!     love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, san and apho!

Not-so-pleasant evening on the 1st. Apparently this town does fireworks on Labor Day. I don't recall that from last year, but I suppose I should have expected it.  The odd thing was, it sounded much closer than the stadium where it's usually done. With a helicopter going around and 25 minutes of huge explosions sounding like they were 10 blocks away (I couldn't see any fireworks, which was odd), I was nearly hyperventilating. It wasn't until the large cluster at the end that I realized it was a holiday weekend. (When you don't work, it kinda doesn't matter any more to have a day off.) So I tried the  box breathing I discussed with my therapist. It helped a little. The 5 senses thing didn't help because I'd just had ice cream and that was all I could taste and smell.

On a positive note, I decided to get my new computer I'd planned on by having it built locally. Bro takes his PC to a place that does great repairs, turns out they do custom builds as well. So I'm getting a great system comparable to anything I could find online, put together by people I trust, and for a similar price. One that should last me quite a while. I'll have to go pay this week so they can start on it. I'm hoping to go tomorrow as Bro has no class and should have a moment to assist me. So sometime next week should see me with a new computer after all these years. (4 TB SSD, woohoo)

Physically, I changed all my bedding and flipped the mattress, then got the trash ready. Wow do I hurt. Might go to bed early tonight.

[sanmagic7]

yeah, some rest sounds like just the ticket after all that, CF. and i hear you about one day being mostly the same as another when not 'working' at a structured job. it's so true!  weekends don't mean the same to me as to other folks, either.  kinda funny.

hope the whole computer thing goes well and smoothly.  nice that you'll have some help.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

A new computer has been achieved! So, I went and paid for it and they started work. It's a small 4-person shop, but they're great at what they do. Ironically, yesterday morning, the one I had been using totally died in the middle of replying to an email. Wouldn't even come back on. Not half an hour later as I'm setting up my laptop, the shop calls and the new computer is almost ready, they just want to know if I want Steam and Discord pre-loaded. Yes, and after lunch with my BFF, I got my computer! They actually even put in a stronger power supply than originally quoted. He said it was the same price as the other, but I doubt that. I just spent enough that they did a little free upgrade. It's heavy, but it's so powerful! Things open in a blink, my hard drive is large, near-top of the line CPU and video card, lots of RAM and fans... I'm so very pleased. This one will last, and it's quite upgradeable if need be. Very very pleased with their work. Also very grateful I could afford to make this investment. Given how much I do on the computer to connect to the world and take care of my health, this relieves some anxiety as well. Even if it did take all evening to download Baldur's Gate 3. LOL  The improved power and processing should also mean no more lags or less than stellar connections for my telehealth therapy visits. No worries about losing connection during a session. So I do have something positive to talk about this afternoon!

[Blueberry]

    

Happy for you CF

[sanmagic7]

 

 

computers can make all the difference, for sure!  love and hugs

[Hope67]

I am excited about your new computer, that sounds so great 
Hope 

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, Hope, San, and Blueberry!  It's working very well.

Therapy went okay. We'll start EMDR soon, that should be interesting. Didn't really do it much with my previous therapist but for a few times in the beginning. We've identified a few small things to start with, see how it goes since it can sometimes lead to bigger things and she wants to try to work up to the "Big T" stuff.

[sanmagic7]

i think i replied to this, CF.  i've read that in several other journals my responses have disappeared.  anyway, i'm glad your T is taking it slow on the EMDR - it will be there when needed.  take care and hope it goes well.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

We started EMDR by using a small t issue as practice. It went well and worked, so that's good. I agreed that it's like building muscle memory to be able to use it later. Next week, we'll work on setting my safe space again since it's been so long. Was extra tired due to a couple amorphous nightmares earlier in the week. The arts brunch last Saturday was lovely, though. Didn't have to be too social, the food was good, and I donated a little to the arts center. It was a little windy since our eating place was outside on a rooftop, but shaded, so it wasn't too bad. At least the weather was quite nice. Physically exhausting, though, as the rooftop meant walking through a chaotic and loud children's museum. (Their main elevator was out, so we had to use a service elevator some ways away.) Had to lay down when I got home. All in all, very nice, I'd consider doing it again next year if they have it.

[CactusFlower]

It'll be interesting to see what therapy uncovers this week. Last we, we got on the topic of losing mom, and that previous abusive relationship, and the loss of my cat. I know that's what therapists are there for, but I still have a hard time crying in front of anyone. I'm still here, I've just been writing and being creative, at least.

Today and yesterday are more Amazon "big deals" or whatever days. Regardless, I got that robovac we've been wanting because it was $100 off! It'll be here Friday. I do look forward to it because hey, less pain while cleaning. Unfortunately, I have to clean before I can even get it set up. LOL It'll be worth it, though.

Have had a couple nightmares in the last week or two. Nothing specific, but themes of either being pursued, or being lost and abandoned. Well, I guess that can be the therapy topic for today. yay.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm glad you got your robovac. I love ours - although he can be a bit pushy so I have to cordon off some things like our musical instrument stands. Don't want them knocked over and attacked!

[CactusFlower]

Narc-Have you named it?

Well, therapy was fine yesterday, but today is a (unpleasant language)show. First, I decided we needed to go get our vaccinations so if we're going to feel blah, it'd be over a long weekend for my bro. Get there, "you need an appointment. walk-in hours are 2-6". I was there at 11am. Nowhere on the website does it say walk-ins are limited for vaccines, nor does it have hours. That was not posted on the "get your vaccines here!" on the front door, nor was it posted anywhere at the pharmacy inside. (Walgreen's drugstore) So I'll be getting them elsewhere when it's actually convenient. How hard would it be to just post something that said walk-in hours? So I was ticked off due to that.

Then my bro goes to the store, comes back and unloads the stuff, has to run back because he forgot a prescription. He's overbought on frozen things, so I had to do some very creative rearranging of the freezer and things still might fall. In fact, when I started, things were falling out 3 or 4 times. It was probably good he wasn't there, because I actually raged. I don't normally do that. I was throwing bags on the floor hard, yelling and cursing, etc. I got it done, but goodness. I know part of it was I was hungry for lunch and when I get really hungry, I do get irritable. But I don't normally throw things. I've eaten and it's better now, but that might be next week's therapy topic. Wow.