Sage's Journal

[Hope67]

Hi Cactusflower,
Have you tried chilled soups?  They can be really nice.  Now I've mentioned those, I can't think of any recipes - but there might be some online somewhere.  I like the ideas you've put together so far for meals.  I like the sound of the Mediterranean cold pasta salad in particular.  it sounds really nice.

Nice that you can use the Costco membership with your BFF as well.

Hope 

[BeeKeeper]

Hello CactusFlower,

Food planning is beyond me, but I like Hope's idea of chilled soups. Even if you can't finish, I feel less guilty about throwing out soup than I do something solid. I also like salad kits, but agree sometimes can't make it through the entire bag.

I want to suggest something here: Is it possible to take another view of "waste?" For older people who have been indoctrinated about efficiency, starving populations elsewhere, held to a high, high standard, sometimes figuring your consumption on "half" or most of something is going to be "good enough." You are not the same today as you were yesterday. What you liked, or thought was fantastic may cause you to gag or zone out. So, every day is a new adventure. If I bought a family size salad bag figuring I would keep up the momentum with daily salad dinners, well, half way through, it turns out that's now past. I permit myself to discard, actually I recycle my food scraps, so ZERO guilt.

Just a little thought about those adjustment pins that don't move. WD-40 or even (gasp) ordinary cooking oil applied with a Q-tip (swab) might do the trick.

Do tell, what is a "Swamp Cooler"? I imagine it's old, inefficient and generally sucking energy without significant benefits.

[CactusFlower]

Great ideas, thanks to both! I'm not generally into cold soups, but I can give them a try. I do have one of those hand blenders you stick down in the liquid, and immersion blender.

Hm, I hadn't thought about how the guilt might play into the issue about leftovers. lots to think about there.

A Swamp Cooler is a colloquial name (regional, maybe? I don't know...) for an evaporative cooler. They're set into windows like some air conditioners are. unlike an air conditioner, the motor powers a fan that blows across a self-recycling source of water, pushing that cool air into the home. They're far more common in drier climates due to the fact that they also humidify the air. They actually use less electricity as the motor is running a fan, not actually running a motor to cool things before pushing it out.

I arranged a grocery pickup today to get several of the meal items I listed previously. Hopefully this will help some, knowing I have plenty of options. My bro and I spent most of yesterday afternoon and evening watching Black Widow and a couple other shows in Disney +, and I didn't eat many of the treats he'd bought during that since it went over dinner time. (I did make myself some instant rice, that was tasty) So I still have small treats I can make last longer and didn't feel the need to buy more junk in the grocery run.

I need to start looking at details of local lawyers who work with people getting on disability so I can choose and begin to apply soon. Makes me nervous as heck, but it's gotta be done.

[Armee]

Hi Sage. 

I feel the same way as you about leftovers and it definitely for me goes back to being forced to eat the same thing for dinner breakfast lunch dinner etc until it was gone or moldy (and was disgusting to start with). Salad is really hard to finish before it rots. I like things like tomatoes and carrot sticks. They last a little longer before rotting. And luckily my D likes hummus so she can get veggies and protein together. We also do refried beans and cheese a lot with tortillas kept in the fridge, or even the crunchy taco shells or tortilla chips. Ooh or cold soba or rice noodles with bottled peanut sauce peanuts and cilantro...sorry! I like food. I get carried away. 

Good luck  with the disability lawyers. You'll feel better once you have this over and done, even if going through it is awful. 

[BeeKeeper]

Cactus Flower,

Re: disability. I have some thoughts which come from two successful filing experiences. There's a book publisher called NOLO and they were invaluable to me for learning the rules of the game.

https://store.nolo.com/products/nolos-guide-to-social-security-disability-qss.html Get the paperback, not ebook.

For every specific disability there is a corresponding list of conditions that must be met;  duration, severity, etc. Point being that the probability of success lies in recent records-recent=past 6 months or sooner. There's a lot you can do for yourself, and most of that is collecting and organizing your medical records, if you possess them. If you don't the first step is acquisition, and it's your right to have a copy of your own stuff.

I am resource for you as that journey progresses. (All questions/discussion must take place in public formats.)

[Armee]

Sending a hug your way 

Emotionally, this hug comes with a cuppa tea and some buttered toast.

[CactusFlower]

Thank you! (tea and toast, you remembered! <3)

Fortunately, I'm well versed with the process from the years I worked in healthcare as well as having a BFF who's a social worker. I think there's some underlying issue about why this is giving me anxiety and it just hasn't bubbled up yet. My BFF also said it's partially a fear of the unknown which is natural. He totally understands and will help in any way he can. We often joke about being platonic soulmates.  Like, we're even each other's power of attorney and will beneficiaries.

Positives: There was a hard rainstorm yesterday, but we really need the water, so it was kinda nice at the same time. I had the front door open and the cats were loving all the new smells. Also, my T is writing up a letter for me to have my cats as Emotional Support Animals due to how they help with stress and depression. Finally, a leave-in hair conditioner I ordered arrived, since the bleaching and coloring did leave it pretty dry in texture. This stuff is so awesome, and smells of coconut and shea butter. I feel like half a pina colada, LOL.

Not-so-positives: Even though my BFF is helping me, the anxiety is still there. I find I hate this programmed reaction. I've narrowed down the legal advocate choices to two, just trying to decide. Plus the research into General Assistance to help fill a gap while waiting for answers... Because the rain cooled it down a lot, I'm tempted to get out that weighted blanket and see how it feels. I think I'll do that. Top off my cuppa, grab the Animal Crossing on the switch and huddle.

[BeeKeeper]

Cactus Flower, I'm relieved to know you have friendly resources. It makes all the difference. Being platonic soulmates sounds really good to me. Having your T willing to do agency paperwork, PRICELESS.

It's fun experimenting with new hair products. I hope that it's a winner for you.

By the way, thanks for the detailed description of a Swamp Cooler; I learned something!

May today tip the scales to the positive side for you. 

[Armee]

Hooray for some rain!!!! 

I hope you soon enough find the underlying source of anxiety and once you do it dissipates a bit. 

Your BFF platonic soulmate sounds like an awesome benefit for both of you.

[CactusFlower]

Kind of an accomplishment... I just put a bunch of stuff in the Instant Pot to make a lot of taco soup. I don't have any corn chips for garnish, but I do have shredded cheese. that'll be good later tonight and for several days. That's one thing I love about my IP, I don't have to put a lot of effort into cooking the meat. you just dump it in there with the other stuff, take the bones out later if you have them. But taco soup is basically ground beef, a can of kernel corn, a can of diced tomatoes, a jar of salsa, cumin, black pepper, and a packet of taco seasoning. (Sazon and sofrito if you happen to have them are awesome.) Super simple and goes a long way.

Lunch is crackers and hummus. pretty tasty, really. My grocery store rewards program sends coupons in the mail every couple of months for things you buy often. about every other time or so, there's one for a free thing of Sabra hummus. that's 2 or 3 lunches, easy. I like that brand because it's the closest to the stuff you get in restaurants. Gotta admit, I'll miss eating out the most, I think.

[rainydiary]

Sage, that food sounds wonderful and nourishing.  I appreciate the Instant Pot for the same reasons.  I hope you continue to find nourishment through food and other ways. 

[Armee]

 

Good job prepping and planning some good meals for yourself!

[BeeKeeper]

I'm loving your Sabra coupon! Forge ahead! Yeah Instant Pot! The taco soup is a winner! Accomplishments all. 

[CactusFlower]

UGH. Just ugh. i went to the dr's office yesterday to pick up a test, the one the lab messed up on, thinking I could do it and just bring it back tomorrow at my appointment. ....and they're out. She was terribly sorry, but they're on order. The gal said I could try going to one of the other clinics and getting one, but that's not happening. I don't have the spoons for that. We also had to hit the grocery store and I only have so much energy. It's like the universe doesn't want me to do this test. Although to be honest, *I* just don't want to do it, but I don't have a choice. Gotta do whatever the doc wants so the records show that. Next time I'll call first and ask them to set one aside that I can come get. It's just so frustrating because I was trying NOT to make any extra trips. I did print up the DMV form for the doc for the disability parking hanging thingy. Once that's done, then it's an appointment at the DMV to get it. I also printed up my latest WHODAS. (world health organization disability assessment survey) I fill them out monthly for my therapist and figured it would be good to have one on the medical file too. It's 36 questions about what you can and can't do, basically. So I'm ready to get tomorrows appointment over with, even though my anxiety is acting up again. Part of me gets very frustrated with myself. "You're a strong person, you can do this, you just need to say it, you've worked in healthcare for over 20 years, you know this stuff better than a lot of people." Then I still get anxious and intimidated and dissociate and just agree with whatever to get out of there. It's so hard, and I get angry with myself for... I dunno. I guess there's a lot of guilt and shame and anger in general. I hear that programmed voice that says "You're an adult, you should be able to deal with this, grow up already," etc. And it's always so hard to start over with a new doctor. I'm hoping I have the ability tomorrow to actually say that she needs to write up a summary if she wants me to do anything, because I need specific steps and instructions written down or I won't remember.  Electronic patient portals are so useful these days, because I can see the stuff I need whenever I need reminding. I must remember to take some fidget toy with me. Maybe something quiet and squishy.

[BeeKeeper]

Hey Sage,

Your experience sounded so  . I would have felt the same. But you did come up with a strategy  Next time of course.

Next time I'll call first and ask them to set one aside that I can come get.

You are on the road to a "filing"  ~ congrats!

And it's always so hard to start over with a new doctor.

Amen! No small thing here, absolutely the pits. But you can do what you need to.  Would it help to maybe imagine yourself dressed in medical garb-being her EQUAL and you're both discussing someone you both know. YOU. Sometimes we gotta play with other thoughts to get through the ones that are hard at the time.  Courage and strength are yours.