Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

So... Good and bad with the appointment this morning. I did get to talk to my T about it today, thank goodness.

TW: doctor's visit not graphic










Appt was for 10:45am. Got there early, was called to register AND to go back before I could totally finish the paperwork. I thought that was a good sign.  Gal took the vitals. Then I sat there for nearly an HOUR. (well, sit, stand, sit stand, those chairs are painful after a short while) I was getting more and more upset, the fidget toy wasn't helping. I finally stepped out and asked someone how much longer. They said I was next, then the gal came in and said to go ahead and get undressed, doc would be in shortly. I do, the paper drape was the only thing there, no gown. Hard to get up on the table because I'm short, so now my legs were hurting. I also wasn't really able to hold the fidget toy because I was using both hands to scoot up on the table and wherever for positioning, so I ended up putting fingernail dents in the vinyl, I'm sure. Doc comes in, she seems really nice, the procedure is done although there is some pinching and pain. She steps out after helping me off the table. I dress, she comes back in.

Positive: She did fill out the DMV form for the disabled parking hanging thingy, so I can take that to the DMV now. She agreed to make the OT referral for eval and knows I plan on filing for disability. In general, she was nice and I didn't feel the delay was her fault. She understood I was having anxiety and was kind and calm. She asked if I had any questions and encouraged me to message her through the patient portal if I thought of anything. Still, I got home at 12:30, half an hour before therapy.  My bro was kind enough to go grab lunch and bring it back for me. I'll be calling the lawyer's office to see how I go about doing whatever they need me to either tomorrow or Friday, depending on when I have energy and courage.  I really had to rest this afternoon due to the adrenaline letdown from the stress. I had been on the verge of a meltdown right before she finally came in. So glad THAT thing is over with for another year. I'm just super tired now. I think dinner might be soup warmed up or a PB&J. I'm kinda past caring right at the moment.

[rainydiary]

Thank you for sharing about your experience, Sage.  I hope that you have found things that helped you feel easeful the rest of the day. 

[Alter-eg0]

I hope you had a good rest, Sage!

[Armee]

Medical stuff can be so distressing and you're having to do a lot right now. 

Be proud you're ticking this stuff off and are taking good care in between to recover. I hope the weekend is restful and fairly stress free.

[BeeKeeper]

Adding my voice to the validation and encouragement. Your description sounds very familiar. But you took care of the process and yourself to go the next mile.

Once you get the paperwork for the first disabled parking permit, it's a matter of renewal from there. You most likely won't have to go through any more each successive time period. It can be 5 years. And if you're in a progressive state, it's all online. Scan the form, attach it to your request. I know that's not the point of your post, but sometimes knowing you won't have to jump through hoops endlessly might help. 

Stay the course, have courage and take care.

[CactusFlower]

Thanks, all. I had to just chill for a day or so. I can still get the disabled parking thing, we're going to the DMV Weds morning. Less people right when they open. And yeah, you can just renew each year online with the number on the hanger.

The first lawyer I called didn't take my case, said they couldn't help. I knew it would be hard with Fibro and CPTSD. They at least were honest enough to say in their email that other lawyers might, they're not the only one, don't give up, etc. I'm going to chill and do my best to get more documentation stuff done, like the PT/OT eval, maybe see if any psych meds need to be tried, etc. Unfortunately, it does mean I'll probably have to find some work in about 6 months or so. But I'm committed to working from home online if that's the case. I have options and my BFF helped me calm down and see that and start making plans.

On the positive side: Some beloved old friends will be coming through town in September and we've arranged to have dinner! I haven't seen them in a few years, since before moving, and it'll be so good to see them again.  We connect on Facebook, but they are dear to me and such good people.

Also, I'm going to be putting a gig on Fiverr for something I'm good at, proofreading and editing. Can't hurt to try. I'd love if that worked out for extra cash if nothing else. We'll see what comes of it.

[CactusFlower]

I kinda zoned out yesterday, didn't really get much done. I did start reading No Bad Parts. The intro and up to where it wants you to draw something that should end up looking like garlic. I'm making myself take it slow. I'm not exactly certain what they mean by just sit there until a part comes up and talk to it, or what to draw that looks like garlic.... I may have to do some net research.

I might sell this calculator I bought for Statistics. I can't honestly see where I'd ever use it again. I need to find the little cord that came with it. it's running about 60-70$ on ebay still, so we'll see.

Today was laundry day. We don't have a washer/dryer, so we have to go to a laundromat. The older I get, the more this sucks. The bags are heavy, they're terrible painful chairs for the almost 2 hours that it takes, and I'm just wiped out and achy afterwards for hours, if not the whole day.

I might need a nap. I feel very rambly and disconnected.

[Hope67]

Hi Cactusflower,
I hope that you are getting some rest after doing all that laundry.  Maybe you had a nap, and if so, I hope you slept well.

I haven't got my copy of the book 'No Bad Parts' yet, but I am looking forward to reading it when it does finally come.  I think mine might be due in mid August, but I don't know for certain.   I think you're sensible to take it slow, and pace yourself.  I'm intrigued by the mention of the drawing that looks like garlic. 

Hope 

[CactusFlower]

I feel like I need to apologize, I haven't replied on many people's journals lately. It's been busy and all. I did get some rest after laundry, but it's still not put away. Doesn't matter, it's clean. as KC Davis says, "Mess isn't moral." Thinking of that helps so much.

Yesterday was good. mostly. LOL Got to the DMV in the morning before they opened. (department of motor vehicles, where you get licenses and IDs and such, for our non-USA readers) The state I live in calls it the MVD and I will never get used to that. It's DMV everywhere else I've ever lived. I was annoyed because the sign on the door said you needed an appointment, which was NOT indicated anywhere on the -----site when I looked up the location. Fortunately, I had my forearm crutch with me and she was willing to take my ID and application inside, so I now have the temporary disabled parking permit and the permanent plastic car mirror hanging thing will come in the mail in 2 weeks. So that's going to make errands much easier than before. Still not "easy", but at least I won't have to rest 2 or 3 times crossing half a giant Walmart parking lot. Yay!

Then I had therapy in the afternoon. It went really well. I need to still do research about this IFS stuff, because I'm finding it a little vague on what to actually DO in the exercises. I need to do some tasks and I'm putting them off, which is frustrating, because I need to do the tasks, but I don't, and... urgh. Just bleah.

[rainydiary]

Sage, I am glad to read your update.  I lived in a state where the DMV was the BMV (Bureau of Motor Vehicles) which still sounds weird.  I'm glad you had a relatively seamless process with your MVD because those visits are often challenging and time consuming in my experience.  I've been noticing for myself how much pressure I put on myself to get my to do list done.  I have people say we are human beings not human doings...yet we definitely live in societies that seem to value what you get done and accomplish versus who you are.  I haven't found much that helps me be gentle with myself in this, however hope you find some ease. 

[CactusFlower]

Very well said, Rainy! it's so true. It also didn't help that the gal at the door was very brusque and kind of the stereotypical rude DMV employee. I think we just have to recuperate after interactions like this, because we can't control the other person. At least I can also renew these yearly online, I don't have to go back to do that.

[CactusFlower]

I'm doing some more research on the IFS stuff so I can understand this "No Bad Parts" book better.  The author's webpage does have a short (and kinda fast) guided meditation to do a simple thing to find a protector part. It wasn't bad, it did help understand a little more on how to envision this. I just wish it hadn't felt rushed. https://ifs-institute.com/nobadparts I'm going to continue reading up on it because I'm just like that before I get into something. The main page of that link also has a decent explanation of it and how it differs from DID.

Apparently, there are a lot of youtube videos on this. that's helpful. I also have a little pocket-sized notebook I'm keeping some key concepts and such in. That helps me focus and make sure I'm getting this.

Oh joy. It's supposed to be 97 degrees today. Guess i better go turn on the cooler to high, lol.

[BeeKeeper]

Sage,

"Mess isn't moral."

Going to the "Bureau" is always an adventure in tolerance. Glad you survived OK. One step closer to your goal. You'll absolutely LOVE having that permit! Cheers!

[CactusFlower]

So, a most pleasant surprise... I went to the DMV on Wednesday. Friday, the disabled hangy things came in the mail! Like, two days! I am so impressed. They said it could take up to two weeks, so yippee!

We had to go to the grocery store today for some fruit and such, and wow was it so much more helpful to get that parking spot right up front and not have to tire myself out walking so much. Sure, there's still the walking around the store, but even have a little bit of effort cut off each end was helpful. I am so grateful for this.

[Blueberry]

 
Happy for you.