Sage's Journal

[Armee]

Yay!!!! 

[CactusFlower]

Today was a mood booster even though I am physically worn out. My BFF loves to drive, so we like to just go on drives and see new places, often parks or small towns or whatever. We did that this afternoon. Drove through some really flat parts of the state, then some kinda dumpy small towns that were just sad, back a different way, stopped and ate the fruit salad I made, then all the way back and had dinner at our favorite nice Italian restaurant. It was a lovely day and his company always make me smile. Plus we had lots of terrible jokes, intellectual conversations, and he cleared up a lot of things about the IFS stuff for me. (He's been a social worker for a very long time) I am exhausted and achy from sitting so long in a car, but it was worth it. I'll just go to bed early and take it super easy tomorrow. Plus, I have plenty of leftover fruit salad to nom on!

[rainydiary]

I loved reading about your day. 

[CactusFlower]

I didn't post yesterday because I was mainly recuperating from the day of road tripping. I have so, so much fruit salad to finish off, LOL. it's good for me. Unfortunately, when I have to nap in the afternoon, it throws off my sleep schedule. I think that's why I not only didn't fall asleep until late last night, it wasn't good sleep either. I kept waking up. Fibro isn't just an inability to fall asleep, stress and other things can cause you to not get a lot of uninterrupted healing sleep, so there's pain, etc. It's an awful unending loop, really.

On a positive note, my counseling place my T works for sent the consent to treatment and info papers to e-sign and send back for the psych, so my T did let them know like she said she would. She's really good about that, I appreciate it. The office will call me in a day or two to set an appointment and the psych will see if any meds will help or not, and hopefully she'll see if any additional diagnoses, like anxiety, might be appropriate. I specifically asked for the female doc. The only down side is she's only available Wednesdays, which is my therapy day, and apparently insurance won't pay for 2 visits on the same day. So people often get stuck paying the more expensive one. Whatever weeks I see the psych, I just have to re-schedule with my T to a different day. But it also depends on if I get any prescriptions. That'd be a review appointment every 2 months or so unless it's a controlled substance, which requires a review meeting every month. We'll work it out. But it's another step forward.

I watched a couple more videos on youtube with Richard Schwartz. One was him at some kind of conference, and he took the presenter guy through a short parts session right then and there. (Soren... somebody) It actually was extremely helpful to see it in action and how it should work, and getting more explanation from the source helped. I think I'll just read through the book, THEN look at the various exercises rather than getting hung up on "I don't get this one, I can't read further". I'll chat more with my T this afternoon about it.

[BeeKeeper]

Sage,

Congrats on having an abundance of fruit salad! Getting the papers digitally is so convenient!  I had to smirk about insurance not paying for 2 visits on the same day. That sounds bureaucratically insane. Maybe when the rule was formed, they had a reason and a patient who bumped them into action. All I know is I've been caught in similar situations.

You're making a lot of progress.

I haven't seen Schwartz's YouTube, but may take a look after a digest more of the book. Right now, it sits well with me. although whenever something seems to fit, I'm always reserving judgment because a lot of stuff doesn't work out after the initial "bloom." Your plan of reading through first and then looking at exercises will give you a good overall view. It may not agree 100%, but is 95% good enough?

The road trip sounds so great...I love having conversations in the car. Dinner at the Italian restaurant  Garlic bread?

[CactusFlower]

I think the insurance thing is to prevent fraud, which I can understand, but you'd think they could tell if a social worker submits one and a Psych the other... *rolls eyes*

Yeah, 95% is fine. Nothing works perfectly for anyone, but at least my T is open to "whatever works" for me. She's awesome flexible like that. I'm also the kind of person who researches the heck outa something first if it's important. My biggest thing, even with healing, is that my lesson this lifetime is patience. Now, dang it. LOL

We did not have garlic bread. Shocking, I know. This is actually a very nice place in town. We shared a small charcuterie board with olives, prosciutto, sliced rustic bread, sage butter, fresh mozz, and this amazing caramelized onion jam. Then my BFF had a lovely salad, goat cheese, greens, strawberries and (I think) a balsamic vinaigrette. I tried the spaghetti and meatballs. Basic, but it was spaghettini, a fresh crushed tomato sauce, and the meatballs were a seasoned mix of beef, pork, and lamb.  (we're kinda foodies, lol) It was a super nice treat. The bread slices did have a basil olive oil to dip in, so I honestly didn't miss the garlic this time.

[BeeKeeper]

Sage,

Your food description was super! I was right there, seeing everything on the table, especially that caramelized onion jam, goat cheese and those meatballs. A delight for the senses. You mentioned that you might pick up some short term proofreading or writing work. Did that ever pan out?

I'm glad you're able to mix in fun times while going through the bureaucratic approval. Time seems to stand still or crawl while waiting for agencies to move paperwork. 

[CactusFlower]

Thank you! I have a gig on Fiverr for it, but I'm having to discuss with their tech support, as their verification process (submitting a selfie and photo ID) refuses to verify for me not matter how good the photos are. That part is very frustrating as I can't withdraw any payments made to me until that happens. Ugh. The work itself isn't a problem, I love reading and correcting writing. They also use Payoneer to withdraw to a bank account, but Payoneer needs to process my legal name change from last year... It's multiple steps. But hopefully it'll work out.

I think my patience gets tested because I want communication to be efficient and understandable, and I strive for that when I do things so I'm understood.  Like, my doctor told me the PT/OT place would call to schedule an appointment for the evaluation. I got the paper referral in the mail yesterday from my Dr's office, and it has the phone number on there to call for the appt. SIGH. So I called and they didn't have it in the computer. I was looking right at it, so they said I could scan and fax it, then they'll call me back to schedule the appt when the paper is processed in a couple days or so. So basically, I wasted a little over a week by having to do at least %50 of the work myself and waiting on other people to tell me the truth. Medical access is an issue in my state, and I see now a lot of it is people who can't communicate accurately, efficiently, and completely. It was not like this at all in the place I used to live on the West Coast. So I get frustrated a lot. But I do my best to channel it into a "I will not be bullied or ignored, I have patient's rights" attitude without being a stereotype. (I don't like that stereotype's nickname because I have a very good friend Karen who would never in her life act like one of those women.)

[Armee]

You have been managing the medical bureaucracy with such patience and grace through this whole process. It must get maddening but I'm really impressed by how you've gotten through each step and moved on to the next with perseverance and confidence.

[CactusFlower]

I think the universe occasionally likes to mess with me. LOL  I got the Fiverr gig cleared up and will get paid. Both the psych doc and the OT place called for appointments the other day. Unfortunately, access is a thing still with one of them. The PT/OT place only does functional evals on Thursday Mornings! (to be fair, it's a 5 hour visit) But still, there should be more... But on a positive note, the Psych who is only available Wednesdays with this clinic (because I requested the female doc) will see me by zoom tomorrow! So that was great. We'll have to see how that goes and if she wants to prescribe anything or not, but I'm fairly sure she'll see the anxiety and panic attacks and add that to the list. Every little bit helps.

I was frustrated with UPS Friday. I do a protein shake for breakfast, a particular powder mixed with milk. mainly because I really don't like most breakfast foods, like eggs or oatmeal, and I really need protein and not sugar in the mornings. But I get the powder off Amazon and with the milk, that averages out to around $1.50 a meal. Super cool. I had a new jar (I buy the big ones and they last the whole month) due to be delivered Friday, and I get a text on Friday that I was refunded. Like.. Why? I contacted Amazon chat and they said the carrier refunded it. I actually found that amusing, as that likely meant UPS somehow messed it up and probably broke the jug. So somewhere out there was 6 pounds of chocolate protein powder in a huge mess. But it did mean I had to re-order and wait. (it came this morning) Not as easy, when you're trying to time it so that second gallon of milk doesn't go bad before you can drink it. LOL

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I have a leave-in conditioner for my hair, as the bleaching and dying process left it pretty dry and straw-like. Most of what I could find is marketed to natural hair, as people with natural hair need extra conditioner often. I felt kinda weird getting it, like.. I dunno. I'm white. Like, Ancestry's DNA test found me 82% from the UK and the rest from northern Europe kinda white. I absolutely would hate to be culturally appropriating a product, but nothing else was affordable. (Cantu Coconut Curling Cream) Yet... putting this stuff in my hair is totally a sensory delight. it not only softens my hair and smells sooooo good, it leaves my hands super soft after. It's a treat and I'm grateful I found it. The smell takes me back to childhood when I was a military dependent and we lived in the Philippines. I remember one good day when we were exploring off-base and bought fresh coconuts, the tops lopped off to drink the milk with a straw and then snack on the meat. I remember petting a water buffalo and its nose was so soft. Smells are strong for memories. I'm glad this one was one of the better ones.

[BeeKeeper]

Sage,

You're juggling a lot! Congrats on the Fiverr gig resolution. By now, you've had your Zoom psych appointment. Hope that went well. A functional evaluation being 5 hours?!?! argh, that's pretty lengthy.

That UPS driver probably had a melt down when they realized they had to answer to the powers that be. Maybe we can imagine the 5 pounds of powder being consumed by feral cats, or dogs? I know it's frustrating, especially when one thing, milk expiration depends on another. Glad you have the product now and you made it through the wait.

I'm Caucasian, but have been using ethnic products for years. When I stopped using ALL SHAMPOOS of any kind, my hair said "Thank you!" and my scalp was in heaven. Just consider, rain forest natives don't use western  soaps, yet their hair is healthy too! You'll save money and be happier I imagine. Cantu is a favorite! 

That story about coconuts in the Philippines and the soft water buffalo nose were a real treat. I'm not sure I would have had the courage to pet the buffalo!

[CactusFlower]

It was a water buffalo hooked up to plow a rice paddy, docile as a cow, really.

Alas, my psych appt was postponed to Friday. Apparently, she missed a flight somewhere, oopsie. At least the reschedule is in the same week. And yeah, the PT/OT eval is to show what all I can and can't do for the disability claim as well as maybe see if I need any other assistive devices or a different cane, etc. Still... Thank goodness I can take snacks and they have water and all.

Nothing really much today. Went with my Bro to Michael's hobby store, as he wants to try painting things, like the wood boxes and shapes they have as a new hobby. He found a big wood star embossed with stars and stripes in the clearance bin, and since he's a huge Capt. America fan... LOL I think he'll find it fun. He has ADHD, so he tends to stick with a hobby and hyperfocus until he's totally burnt out on it, and the cross-stitch he's been doing a few years is going that direction. But that was fun even though it was tiring. Then we met up with my BFF and had Five Guys burgers for lunch. We were going to hit walmart for some needed things, but I honestly was tired and done by then. So he'll go out tomorrow. I am happy that having the disabled parking placard does make things a bit easier, distance wise.

[CactusFlower]

Well, the appt with the Psychiatrist went quite well. I wasn't sure at first because it was a secure portal phone call, not a zoom, so was worried it might not work well. It did, but wow do those suck up phone battery. next time I'll plug my phone in before the call.

She's nice. Listens well, is understanding, very well trauma-informed and was impressed I'd read The Body Keeps the Score, she was already knowledgeable about how Fibro and chronic pain can be linked to trauma and such. I will be starting Sertraline (generic zoloft) to see if that helps. So I'll be keeping track of everything for a while, of course. If it doesn't help, we can try other things. But at least she listens, that means a lot to me. Not to mention it's always nice having healthcare that knows what they're talking about and you don't have to educate everyone on what you have. So that's all a positive. Especially since my anxiety about this appointment meant I didn't sleep well. I was up early, but did manage to get in a nap before the appt, so that helped a lot.

I need to do some meal planning but I keep putting it off. Hopefully I can get some done before we go to the pharmacy tomorrow. I chose the one in the grocery store we normally go to so it'll save a trip and all. I'm just happy they're open on weekends and evenings.

[Armee]

That's really a relief that your psychiatrist is well informed and nice. Sucks that that is something remarkable! But it is!

[Alter-eg0]

That sounds like quite a relief!
Finding the right help can be so tedious, i'm glad this went well for you!