Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Well, the PT/OT eval is over. Man, that was hard. 4 hours of testing things like putting a crate on a shelf at waist height, then shoulder height, with varying weights. Distance walking. Pushing, pulling, dexterity, grip strength (min is bad), etc. With my knees, it was obvious I couldn't do much. Squats and crouches were over with quite quickly, as I can't even get to 90 degrees. My bro was kind enough to get lunch on the way home and then we watched a movie while eating, then I took a nap for a few hours. I still ache so much and so, so tired. I'll probably be out of commission until at least tomorrow afternoon as well. Just trying to rest and hydrate at the moment. She'll produce a 10-page report, though. It'll be interesting to see what it says.

[Armee]

 

That sounds like it would be exhausting even without fibromyalgia. Way to go getting through the assessment and then resting. Your bro by choice sounds like a very good brother to have.

[Not Alone]

Wow! That was a really long PT/OT evaluation. Hope you are getting some good rest and recovery from that.

[CactusFlower]

Not really much to report. I get to have a check-in with the doc about the meds next week. Still having sleep issues, but my therapist agreed when I suggested I try to release some of the "shoulds" about it. Like, I "should" go to bed around 10 or 11 at the latest, or I "should" get up around 7 or 8, etc. So this week, I will try to allow myself to just sleep when I feel sleepy and be awake when I feel it, regardless of what time that is.

My PCP should (ha!) have the PT/OT eval results by the end of the week. I want to see a copy of the report before notifying anyone that I'm adding it to the disability documentation.

On a positive note, my bro made bread. No-knead bread from scratch. I'm pretty impressed with his baking skills so far. It was a little dense, but utterly delicious with butter and a cuppa tea. I switched out all my seasonal clothes and am feeling comfy in my PJs and cardigan. I think I might make a warm wrap or something similar, as it's finally cool enough to crochet again and I do have a bunch of scrap yarn. Pumpkin is just happy to be on fleece blankets again. She's a very spoiled diva kitty who loves super-soft things.

[rainydiary]

Sage, I appreciate your reflection about "shoulds."  I often get this way especially when making adjustments to my routines.  I hope that you find ways to make adjustments that feel right to you.

[CactusFlower]

I got a copy of the OT eval report. I think it supports what I already knew, that I can't do that much, but I need to read it in detail. it's not exactly clear with its format. It does note all the places I had trouble, definitely.

Next week is going to be busy and tiring. Laundry and therapy monday, med check-in weds, and vaccine booster on thurs.  Sigh.

[Hope67]

Hi Cactusflower,
I know you have your laundry and therapy today - just wanted to pop by and say I hope your day goes ok. 
Hope 

[CactusFlower]

Laundry and therapy went well, LOL. Of course, I always have to recuperate from laundry and nothing gets put away right away. My apt doesn't have a washer/dryer, so my bro and I have to haul to a laundromat. I don't know what I'd do without him, honestly. But at least all the winter clothes have been swapped and my closet is full of sweats and warmer things. it's been unseasonably warmer this month, but I'm not complaining. Pretty windy today, though. I had my check with the psych. Since the lexapro didn't really help and trazodone sucked for sleeping, we're abandoning those and trying Nortriptyline next. I also get my vaccine booster shot tomorrow morning. Bro got his yesterday and felt like poop all day today, so my BFF is taking me tomorrow. Doc thinks since I hadn't taken any meds for a really long time, I might be sensitive to medications in general. I just home the new one lets me sleep better. She said it can have a sedating effect at the lower doses. We'll try it. At least disability will know I'm trying.

I did manage to get a delicious chicken corn chowder in the instant pot today. The chicken soup of it should help Bro feel better, and there will be plenty left if my booster makes me feel yucky. it turned out quite delicious. Recipe below, but be warned, I don't tend to measure often.


2 chicken leg quarters, boiled, deboned and shredded. (save the water)
2 cans UNDILUTED cream of chicken soup
1 can creamed corn
1 - 1.5 onions, minced
3 or 4 teaspoons minced garlic
about 2 teaspoons dried celery flakes (because I hate actual celery pieces, but you could chop up a few stalks)
couple dashes of poultry seasoning
couple teaspoons thyme
salt and pepper to taste

you could mince up a carrot or two and add it, but I was out. This amount made normal bowl sized servings for two people and there's enough for 2-3 meals left. Filled my instant pot about halfway.

[Larry]

thank you for sharing that recipe !  I am going to try that !!

[CactusFlower]

Well, I don't have chills, but I am definitely achy today, more than usual. Like I lifted a lot of things or moved stuff. I think I'll ask Toni to pick up my Rx. This is why we use the same pharmacy at the grocery store, convenience. At least there's lots of leftover soup and it's still delicious. I'm just too tired and blah to do anything. Certainly not as bad as the reaction to the second shot, that was like the worst flu for a day and a half. At least that's how long things are seeming to last, so it's fine. Better than not having it. I might lay back down in a little bit after I eat something.

[Armee]

You're doing a great job listening to your body, Sage. Tea and toast. 🌼

[CactusFlower]

As expected. I was back to normal after about a day and a half, so now I'm vaxed and boosted. Bro did pick up my meds for me. I hope Nortriptyline helps. it's a low dose, but it's an interesting ramp-up of 1x a day for a week, then take 2 a day. I'm on the 4th day of that and I did seem to sleep a little better. I still am awake for far too long at night, but I didn't wake up as often once I got there. It'll be interesting to see if that helps as the dose ramps up.

Emotionally, I've been kind of numb, but I think some of that is due to dealing with the body issues. I also feel ambivalent about the Holidays. The most I ever celebrated, really, was when Mom was alive. She and I had our things. It wasn't much, but it was good. After she passed, I didn't do as much in the toxic relationship because I never had any help. From cooking to decorating to Xmas trees, you name it, I did 100% of it, so I just... quit doing it. At most now, I make dinner for me, bro, and my BFF because neither of them are into the hols as well and it's too hard anyway with the Fibro. I guess because of the work I'm doing, I missing Mom more this year. She'd be proud of all the steps I'm taking to work on the issues.

[rainydiary]

Sage, I appreciate your updates.  I also feel ambivalent this time year and appreciate that you find your own ways to celebrate. 

[CactusFlower]

Well, my sleep schedule is still off, but I am getting a bit more sleep, at least.  Like, the normal amount for me. I don't think I've been a wake up around 9/10, go to bed at 2/3am person, since summer school breaks as a teenager. Today is the last of the 1 cap a day on the Nortriptyline, next is 2 caps a day. The next check-in with the doc is the 24th. My BFF has plans for the 25th, Thanksgiving, so we're going over to eat with him on the 26th, Friday instead. I'm excited, as he plans to make his curried sweet potatoes which are deeelish. I personally had the typical dish that has (shudder yak) marshmallows on top, so this alternative is great. Since we're going over there, I may make the gravy once I get there as I have no way to take it and it still be edible after a trip. I just love that we really have no pressure to be perfect with each other, so I'm not overly concerned about the dinner. We know what we like and are both good cooks.

The holidays in general are feeling a little sad this year. I think it might be because I'm finally in a safe space and working on things that I can truly feel the loss of not having Mom here. I might discuss with my T the difference in holidays from when Male parental unit was around compared just me and Mom. Also, bro has been continuing his baking adventures and made some utterly delightful snickerdoodle cookies that went quickly. Mom and I used to make cookies around Christmas. Not the kind you decorate with icing, but 2 or 3 of our favorite kinds. Peanut butter (the kind with a crosshatch pressing in with a fork) was the favorite, then chocolate chip, then sugar cookies or snickerdoodles. (for those that don't know, snickerdoodles are basically a sugar cookie dusted with cinnamon before baking.) So much of my memories of love and comfort with Mom center around good food. I'll actually be making a batch of chili later today, and it's pretty much mom's recipe.  I sometimes laugh when bro gets frustrated at my recipes because I've been cooking so long that I don't actually measure in my staple dishes.  he'll be like, "How much chili powder?" And I'm all, "I have no idea. enough to turn the tomato sauce to a brick red instead of bright red."  LOL I'll attempt to share with you. I don't believe in "secret" recipes because I believe good food should be shared and teaching others to make something they like is a gift to them. That way, the connection and love live on. Oh good lord. I just realize I'm babbling like the blog posts I can't stand, where you have to read the life story to get to the recipe. HAHAHAH!


Winter Chili (makes enough for 6-8 people, or 2 people for 4-5 meals. freezes really well)

1 lb. ground beef, lean
1-2 chopped onions
3-5 cloves, minced, or 2 Tbs pre-minced garlic
salt and pepper to taste
1 large (24oz) jar Pace Picante Sauce (I use mild as I don't make a super spicy chili. I feel it's better to make it mild, then people can adjust their bowls to their own choice. for those who aren't familiar with this, your favorite salsa. I also use this because it gets other veggies in without a lot of prep work.)
2 14oz cans tomatoes. crushed, diced, minced, whatever, just not whole or sliced.
1 large can (29oz) tomato sauce
beans are optional. if you use them, red kidney beans are the best option. if you do, then one 14oz can, drained.
Chili powder

(note: if you are trying to get more veggies or want to hide veggies in it, say... from kids, you can mince up 1-2 large carrots very tiny and it won't affect the flavor or be noticeable. wink wink.)

Brown the hamburger and break it up well. You can put the garlic and onion in while you do this. I prefer to not have large chunks of meat, but that's just me. Either drain or spoon out the grease if there's a lot. Add everything else. Don't drain the tomatoes, but do drain the beans if you use them. This will end up thick, but not thick enough to stand up a spoon. But also not thin like soup.

Again, when it comes to the chili powder.... I'd have to guess it's maybe 3-4 tablespoons? Literally, I put in enough to turn it from bright tomato red to a dark brick red. If you're into chili on the spicy/hot end of the spectrum, you could add minced jalapenos or red pepper flakes. You have fun with that.

Simmer on low heat for 45 minutes to and hour or so. Good in a slow cooker all day or the slow cooker setting on an Instant Pot. Serve hot, great with shredded cheese on it. Very filling and even better as leftovers cause the flavors blended! Hope you feel the love.

[CactusFlower]

I'm honestly not sure what to think about the Nortriptyline. Neither I nor bro have noticed any change emotionally/psychologically.  Sleep has slightly improved and I'm relatively back on "schedule". I haven't really gone out much, so I haven't had a chance to test the anxiety issues lately. I will have to go to the store soon. We ordered some paper goods and stuff from Walmart to do a pickup (so convenient!) and they were already out of the small turkey I wanted. Like, it's only the 8th! So I am stressing about that a little. We'll try the regular grocery store later this week. What I want to do is get a small one (there's only 3 of us) and piece it up to use the instant pot. It will be super moist that way.

Most emotional stuff has been missing mom more this year. I think it's because I've had to be so strong for so long and do all the work, I'm really getting that "I just want Mommy to take care of me" vibe. I think I'm going to have to be really careful not to stress overly much about the meals this year or it'll get overwhelming really quick.

It's gotten quite chilly at night lately. I might finally get the weighted blanket out and try it while we watch our cooking shows in the evening. I'll need Bro's help since it's a 25 pounder. lol I also want to start crocheting another cardigan, but I keep procrastinating for some reason. Well, therapy is today, maybe we can explore that. And I need another haircut, and to trim my nails, and, and, and.... Ugh. I just want to go back to bed and not deal with it all. It doesn't help that we are out a toaster. I refuse to toast bread in the oven as it's wasting energy just for that, and it takes too long in the frying pan. And now I feel guilty for whining. Maybe I really do need that blanket.