Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Thank you both! Armee, I haven't heard of that book. I'll go look it up. Thank you.

[CactusFlower]

Actually a good day today. Bro using up more of his EBT benefit, so we went and stocked up from the international grocery store. (we both love a lot of Asian foods) I love cooking with Chinese black vinegar and having frozen potstickers and pork buns. I also got the paperwork for my mental eval for SSI, and it's April 8th. So I'll be done with all the eval stuff in about a month. I'm incredibly glad that they're at least happening soon. The mental one is secure phone stuff, not in person, so that's even better.

[Armee]

Fingers super crossed for the evals!

[sanmagic7]

   i hope you get what you need sooner rather than later, CF.  love and hugs, 

[CactusFlower]

I'll be talking to my T today about all the evals. Last night was lovely. We stuffed ourselves on potstickers and green onion pancakes and sticky rice. It was so good! For movies, we watched Red Panda on Disney. It's utterly adorable. Not for those who may have big issues with the awkward moments of puberty, but a sweet movie nonetheless. Then we watched Priest on TubiTV. I find it amusing Paul Bettany has played a priest AND the angel Gabriel in movies. A little messy, but not gross and a fascinating treatment of the whole vampire genre. So the evening was good food, good fun, and great company with my BFF. Ah, and bro baked apple cinnamon scones, which I've already scarfed a couple for breakfast. Nice to have a few good days for a change.

[Not Alone]

The apple cinnamon scones sound lovely. I'll keep Red Panda in mind when I'm looking for something to watch.

[CactusFlower]

I'm going to talk to the doc next check-in about the Prazosin. The nightmares have reduce, this is true. But my regular dreams are just so vivid and bizarre compared to normal. Two examples: A - was in a huge library and one worker challenged me, thinking I couldn't find any info on a local dude. I knew the history/genealogy/local records ones would help me. I asked and they found local town records proving this guy existed, was a fire chief, and won a citizen's award. I took my info back to the guy and gloated.  B -  I was browsing a Store kinda like Spencer's but big and better lit. They'd moved some stock around and put all adult items in a connected room in the back. I checked for cameras and then shoplifted a certain adult item.  I even woke up going "What the H was that?" Just bizarre. I'd like to go back the the sci-fi and fantasy genre, please.

[sanmagic7]

hey, CF, nice job on being mindful about how your meds are treating you.  so important to stay on top of that stuff.  so glad you had a few nice days in there.  yay for that!  all in all, sounds like you're doing everything you need.  well done   love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Another really odd dream. This one was a little unpleasant, but I recognize some stuff it's trying to say now that I'm awake.

in the first part, I'm trying to get downtown somewhere, and mom is with me at the bus stop early in the morning to go somewhere as well. There's a lot of traffic, and other bus stops close by as this one is on a corner. A bus lets off at the corner perpendicular to us, I know the driver, and go over to chat. When I look back, Mom is gone. I get very upset because I somehow know she's gotten on the bus and left, and she has my purse and phone. All I have is some change and my keys. Then I sorta/not quite woke up for a moment with a big headache. I turned over and made myself go back to sleep. (not congested, had caffeine, no reason for the headache)

In the second half, I'm walking around the main downtown strip of a small town. Somehow, I know I'm investigating disappearances with my partner, who turns out to Benedict Cumberbatch. (don't laugh, what I read and watch influences my dreams sometimes. Too bad this dream wasn't a hot one.)  We're just talking to people on the street, seeing the layout of the side streets and shops, but not finding much in the way of clues to someone's disappearance. Then I woke up.

You know how locations in dreams can be familiar and even repetitive, but not real places? I think I know what place this town is signifying, which means the consistent themes of searching and loss fit in. I'll bring it up with my T Monday. I really think it's building me up to dealing with some losses. Sigh. At least I've got dinner with the BFF tomorrow. I'm making creamy garlic chicken.

[CactusFlower]

Pretty good weekend, all round. Lovely dinner Saturday, BFF made honey-glazed carrots to go with the garlic chicken, and Bro made his dinner rolls. YUM. We played a new game I got free at the local "little library" on the corner. BuzzWord. It's made for teams, but we figured out how to adapt it to 3 people. Then Sunday, I saw someone offering tabletop games on the Buy Nothing Facebook group, so I asked and got those! (thank you, universe) We went and got them, and I was surprised by how BIG the boxes are! One is movie trivia, called Scene It, then the others are Trivial Pursuit 20th Anniversary, 80's edition (I expect to ace this one), and 90's edition. I so look forward to playing these. Then Sunday afternoon, BFF too me to a cute little play in a tiny local theater. It had some good funny moments, a few slow parts, but was overall a decent time. The chairs were kinda like dining chairs though, so I was really hurting by the end of it.  But a cute trip, regardless. I had to laugh a little because I love historic costuming and accuracy. The play was set in the Old West in 1875, and one character had part of her Victorian skirt on backwards. It was still pretty, though. I do like supporting local business and talent.

[sanmagic7]

 

[Armee]

I love how fulfilling things feel with your bro and BFF right there with you. You have a lovely made family.

[CactusFlower]

HUGS back at ya'll! Yeah, that's what I'm most grateful for, my chosen family. They really have been lifesavers.

[CactusFlower]

Had another nightmare last night. Ironically, right after the day I talked to my meds Doc and we'll be continuing what I do now and check back in 2 months. That's two now where I've woken up utterly terrified, heart racing, panting, the whole 9 years.  In each, there's a theme of an older brother who is protective. (I have no siblings physically.) I'll be exploring this as mentioned over in the Inner Child Work posts.

[sanmagic7]

CF, so sorry about the nightmares.  they can surely knock one's socks off.  hoping you can find some resolution to relax your subconscious so you don't have to continue experiencing these.  love and hugs