Sage's Journal

Started by CactusFlower, February 02, 2021, 04:55:44 PM

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sanmagic7

hey, CF, love your progress. i hear you about the meds thing.  i'm a long-timer now but i finally became ok w/ it cuz the alternative was so much worse.  i don't think it's failing when you use help, no matter what form it's in.

lovelovelove road trips, whether they're for a day or a week.  sounds wonderful.  i'll add some  :sunny: for you, and yay for GingerDoofus!  too funny.  love and hugs :hug:

CactusFlower

Pretty nice few days lately. Bro had his disability hearing yesterday and the lawyer seemed to think it went well. It sounds like it did, from what he describes, so we'll see in a few weeks. I went next door and had dinner and watched a movie with the BFF. Today, we're doing a grocery pickup that will be taken tomorrow morning to the food donation project. Our holiday of Thanksgiving is this month, so we're donating the ingredients for 3 full dinners, everything but the meat, dairy, and seasonings. I'm grateful we're able to do this. Then we're headed to the shoe store.

Alas, the wonderful store where my bro got my shoes is closing forever. The owner is retiring. But those of us on the mailing list get a several-days-early opportunity to attend the big sale. BFF is going too. It does suck that they're closing, but thanks to them, I at least know the size I now need in my favorite brand. Shoes are one of the few things anymore where you really do get the quality you pay for, and they carry/carried really good brands. Hopefully bro and BFF can find something in the men's selections.

Dreams have changed a little. Still weird, still vivid, but moved from a theme of searching to a theme of running from. Not sure I like that trend.

Armee

My fingers are crossed for good results from your browser hearing, and for hopefully progress on yours too. I'm so sad it takes this long.

Running from dreams ate disturbing. I hope this phase doesn't need to last too long. Gentle hugs to you.

sanmagic7

so glad you've gotten to experience a few nice days, sad about your shoe store closing.  i hate it when i find something i really like and it's suddenly taken off the market.  and here's hoping those running away dreams get resolved.  i don't like them, either.  love and hugs :hug:

CactusFlower

Seems like quite a few people are more in the mood to read than write on here. I think a part of it may be that natural lull we can get into as we move into winter. A time to draw inward, to emotionally hibernate, to become pensive and self-focused, a spiral drawing inward. Remember to hug yourself if you feel down. Warm blankets, warm drinks, maybe a stuffie or two, sweet pets, good books or shows, comfort food. Lulls are natural parts of our bodily cycles. We're not supposed to be "on" all the time. Time for me to have tea and snuggle kitties.

Armee

Wise, Sage. Thanks for the reminder and invitation to pull into the lull and that it is natural.

CactusFlower

Minor things lately, which is okay. We're doing Thanksgiving next Friday with the BFF since he has another invitation to a Thursday one. For us, it's the being together that's important, so we don't care which actual day it falls on. I'm doing the side dishes this time. Stuffing, sweet potatoes (but not that nasty mess with the marshmallows, I hate that), and roasted brussel sprouts. It should be quite tasty.

I've deactivated all my Twitter accounts. I've had my main one for a long time, but I just can't ethically stay on that site. Musk not only fired the entire teams for both fighting misinformation and for human rights access, he's also gotten rid of the team that worked on accessibility for disabled users. I decided to not "wait and see", but to just leave. it's not like there aren't plenty of other sights these days. I do worry about how Twitter's used in other countries as a way to get news out about what's happening. Apparently, 40% of users are in the Middle East.

I often hit a saturation point early on about all this negative news stuff. Then I have to go play a game or read to forget about it. I know that's a privilege, but I'll just end up more depressed and more likely to click on something that will trigger me if I keep doomscrolling.

I play an online roleplaying game that is worldwide and huge. (MMORPG is the term, massive multiplayer online rpg) I've taken to writing down funny or creative character names I see while playing so I have something to make me smile later.  So far, my favorites are TeaCup Dragon, OopsBehindU, Arkie Tect, Jaffar Rawr (their character is feline), and Spooooooons.  See, I'm giggling just thinking about them. You gotta be creative when the game has just over 17 million players worldwide. :) Maybe I'll take a screenshot of my characters and post them here. It's a great stress reliever.

Armee

I need to figure out howbto delete mine...I never use it so I've always gotten stuck trying to figure out how to login to be able to delete it.

Those names are awesome. Love oopsbehindu. And laughing in general. Your tday sides sound great!

CactusFlower

Kinda dissociative today, given the news. Don't go look if homophobic violence triggers you. My cousin is safe, was not even near that city.  Still, I feel kinda... numb? Like I know I'm angry and sad and all kinds of stuff, but can't quite access it, if that makes sense. My brain kinda skitters off the topic for now. I'm gonna have some more tea and play games for a while.

Armee

It's terrible and disgusting these acts of violence against groups and the way people in charge enable instead of condone it.

Come let's sip tea and nosh toast.

sanmagic7

 :yeahthat:  i can barely stand the news anymore, and also have a very low saturation point.  i understand the privilege part, too.  i also understand that if i can distance myself, it's important for me to do so.  my background trauma has made it too difficult to live healthily in this world.  i just don't understand this level of hate.  glad your cousin is safe.  love and hugs, CF. :hug:

CactusFlower

Oops, didn't realize I lapsed for so many days.  Thanksgiving with chosen family was lovely. I'm exhausted and achy, but it was worth it. The right company makes all the difference.  Not much has otherwise happened, thank goodness. I'll read other's journals and comment once I've rested a bit more. But I'm still around!

sanmagic7

glad to hear that!  love and hugs, CF :hug:

Armee

Hi Sage,

I hope the aches subside quickly with plenty of rest and self-care. FM must just suck so much. Gentle gentle hug.

CactusFlower

Interesting few days, and thank you all for you hugs and care.

Talked with my T Monday about being triggered into ugly crying with a pet video on youtube.  No details for you, but it brought up related shame and fear for me. The therapy session was hard but turned out quite well, as there was some underlying grief and shame from my Mom's passing. I think that's the hardest I've cried in front of someone since she passed. (2013)  But it felt good and we used EMDR at the end, which lightened the impact of the memory.

In happier news, bro bought me an online game I've been wanting to play for a few weeks now. It's Disney's Dreamlight Valley. Kind of like Animal Crossing meets the Sims.  You get to do quests and such with all the cool Disney characters, and can do things at your own speed or not quests, like gardening or fishing. It's incredibly cute! it really thrills my Inner Child. And talk about inclusive. Your character can have any feature and wear any of the clothing regardless of gender, and the clothing has multicultural headwear options. it really focuses on helping other people, doing good, and having friends/community.  It's supposedly going to be free to play next year. So far, I'm best friends with Remy from Ratatouille. LOL Addictive, but so positive.