Sage's Journal

Started by CactusFlower, February 02, 2021, 04:55:44 PM

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rainydiary

I resonate with liking low effort meals.  I hope your Irish feast is tasty.

CactusFlower

The food was delish, yes. On a positive note, Varric must be either tired of being given the nutritional paste or he's decided he actually likes the taste. Yesterday I just had to show him the tube and he was all "yes please".  Good kitty! it's a gradual thing, so we'll see if it helps, but at least he's not fighting it. Of course, Pumpkin gets jealous. I lie to her and say "it's medicine, you don't need it", but she still huffs and glares. LOL

Had a dream last night that was more aggravating than scary. I dreamed we had this beautiful home with lots of rooms, and me and my ex were only using a few rooms over and over. I tried to lure him into other rooms, but he got bored quickly. Like, "let's watch tv in the den instead of the family room". Then I dreamed we went to this weekend event that was half music festival, have some kind of conference. We met up with some friends, and I was enjoying the presentation and chatting with 2 male friends. Ex got annoyed and left. When I noticed, someone said that he got bored and went to do his own thing. I then went to find him and he was in a back corner of a very crowded restaurant and it took a few minutes to thread through and get to him. He was annoyed I'd been spending time with other friends and then I got angry at his passive aggressive BS and manipulation. I woke up and rolled my eyes. Talk about way too much like real life, there are reasons I left. But it definitely reminded me how much happier I am here in general and how important it was for me to leave. To be back there still AND maybe have had the CPTSD triggered? I can't even imagine. That probably would have sent me inpatient. So even though it's hard and painful, at least I'm in a safe place with people who care so I can do the work.  Very grateful for that.

sanmagic7

i'm very grateful for that as well, CF.  so glad you're in a much safer place.  funny how passive-aggressive stuff can be just as frustrating in a dream as in real life.  keep taking care of you - happy that varric seems to be doing ok.  love and hugs,  :hug:

CactusFlower

Thank you, san. Hugs back.

That said, another frustration! Got a letter today from Social Security, a SECOND medical appointment. And, it's not until May 3rd. I am just so frustrated. Why wasn't the first one enough? This absolutely does not help my blanking anxiety. I just can't deal with this, at least not for today. I know they make you jump through hoops, but I am NOT giving up. I cannot work anymore and that's not going to magically change.

Not Alone

Sage, I am so sorry that you have even more burdens from social security.

Armee

 :grouphug:

I'm sorry. It's really terrible.

Blueberry

I'm sorry sage :hug: That kind of thing has my anxiety going through the roof.

sanmagic7

also going thru this in our home, CF, and frustrating is so very on point.  we know we can't work, our symptoms dictate how much energy or facility we have to concentrate or to even be present.  just because it can't be seen doesn't mean it isn't as serious as a medical diagnosis.  ugh - so very sorry you're having to deal w/ this.  standing by your side as you continue battling the 'system'.  love and hugs  :hug:

CactusFlower

That you all, notalone, armee, blueberry, san.  :grouphug:

My lawyer is aware of these appointments.  My BFF is of the opinion that they probably want to see if there's anything getting worse or just not improving, which makes sense because the systems takes so long. The hand xrays are this Friday and my bro is taking me to those. The only positive is because they're pretty much first thing in the morning, it'll be when my hands hurt quite a bit. Some morning, it's difficult to hold my mug of tea (insulated, so the outside doesn't get warm). It is what it is and I can't control the process, so I'm trying to let it go. Definitely not easy. My therapist, who has seen a lot of her clients get on disability, thinks it also might be something along the lines of "they're not going to get better, just do another exam and get them on it already."  We'll see. She's more positive than I am generally, LOL.

Armee


CactusFlower

hugs, Armee :)

On a positive note, I called my cell provider and got us switched to a new plan with the same things that we need to have (unl. talk/txt, lots of data) and none of the extra junk. (various streaming services discounts) Should save us around $30 a month, but that's meaningful.
So, yay, and glad it was a smooth transition.

rainydiary

I find it can help me feel lighter to get rid of what we don't need even if it is digital or things we can't really see. 

sanmagic7

CF, glad to hear you got a break w/ a new provider.  well done! :thumbup:

keep hangin' tough w/ the soc. sec. thing, ok?  it's a pain in the patoot, to say the least.  love and hugs :hug:

Not Alone

Quote from: sanmagic7 on April 01, 2023, 05:26:45 PM
CF, glad to hear you got a break w/ a new provider.  well done! :thumbup:

keep hangin' tough w/ the soc. sec. thing, ok?  it's a pain in the patoot, to say the least.  love and hugs :hug:

:yeahthat:  :hug:

CactusFlower

 ;D Thank you so much, rainy, san, notalone.  It means a lot to me and hugs back!

Relatively productive week so far. Kinda physically tired, but mentally relieved a bit. I got the laundry folded/hung/put away yesterday. (only a week and a half since we did it) Today, I did my taxes online so that's done for the year. Not getting much back, but I'm grateful for every bit I do get. Bro picked up my med refills for the month and there are no changes, so that's good. Varric is also still enjoying the nutritional paste, so we've ordered more. I can't tell, but bro thinks his tummy is a little rounder. Now if we can just get some padding back.

Oh, and BFF and I are finally moving more forward on a kid's book we co-wrote. We're at the point of choosing an illustrator! Best contender so far is an artist from the UK. Very talented from the portfolio. We've decided we like the softer kind of style, like in Madeleine or Berenstain Bears. I was also shocked yesterday to have put out about a page's worth of a "sequel", but it rhymes like young kid's books do. I don't normally do rhyming or structured verse, so we'll see. *shrugs* I also never thought I'd write for kids, but here we are. LOL I want them to be the "books I wish I could have read at that age".