Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Thank you all, hugs back.

I finished the stove the other day and it looks like when we moved in. I used a little spray on the glass oven door and it's lovely too. Then I managed to make a lovely large meatloaf in the crockpot, and that had enough for a few freezer leftovers. Very helpful.

Going with my BFF to an appointment of his today. He's so tired of being in pain and such and having cruddy options to fix things. I don't mind being moral support, goodness knows I've needed it. Maybe if he feels ok enough after, we'll do taco tuesday somewhere.

Still haven't been able to make myself make calls to find a new therapist. I did manage to get a few names off a list of covered providers through my insurance's website and cross-reference them with reviews, so I have the top 3 ready when I am able to call. I've been okay so far save for a couple of windy nights, so that's a good thing.

[CactusFlower]

Well, finally got around to working on that list of potential new therapists. Only took me what, 3 months? Eh, baby steps. I'd already determined who took my insurance and had good reviews out there, then looked at websites to see how their people work and if they were trauma-informed and all. So, I emailed the first on the list just now, telling them in summary what I've done and what my needs are. This place is very LGBTQIA+ accepting and even has a nonbinary therapist on staff, so we'll see. As the website describes, the staff have a lot of various modalities to work with and can cover what I need.  one even lists they do IFS, so who knows? I wrote up a kind of script for the email and saved it in case they are too booked and I have to look elsewhere, but I hope it won't be a difficult search. (knock wood) Medicaid paid 100% of visits previously, but now that I'm on Medicare, I do have a copay for visits. So that will be a small constraint on frequency. Given that I ended on every other week, I think that's a reasonable place to start, but we'll see. I'll definitely have to review medications, as I just can't go through those side effects again. Ugh. Anyhow, one down and just waiting for an answer.

[CactusFlower]

One reply outa 5 therapists. Ugh. And theirs is positive but a "don't call us to schedule before the 24th" kinda thing. Annoying. Also, woke up to a minor car crash on the corner outside today. Nobody hurt, but they're still towing off the cars. Unpleasant, definitely.

On a positive note, I'm clearing out a bunch of random little stuff I never use, just knicknacks and the like. Feels good to declutter.

[Papa Coco]

I'm glad nobody was hurt in this morning's car crash. Sorry to hear how difficult it's proving to be to find a therapist.

Decluttering is such a good feeling. Whether it's a single drawer or a whole room, the feeling of release is wonderful. I hope that feeling of release stays with you for a long time. It's such a good feeling.

Wishing you all the best CactusFlower,

PC.

[sanmagic7]

hey, CF,

sounds like you are doing bits and bobs, a little of this, a little of that, all of which seem to be heading to clean and clear. i think it's very cool you're able to do that. i hope you can keep it up, at your own pace, of course.

good luck finding a T who fits with you.  very smart to keep that 'blurb' about yourself, what you need, etc.  i do hope you can find one soon - wouldn't that be great?  1 out of 5, tho, hmmm . . . are they that busy?  or maybe not 'trauma-informed' enough? this interests me now since i've moved, in case i have to find someone new. right now i'm not looking. 

keep up the good work, ok?  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, PC. I've got together a bag of stuff to donate to the thrift store, so that feels good too. Bit by bit.

Good point, San. I get the whole "we're not a fit for them, so just delete the email" kind of thing. I think I'll give each place a week to respond, then move on. I had one other place respond, but they're not likely. It was one of those responses where they pretty much answered a question I didn't ask, then said they can determine a better fit if I just call them. Um, I was pretty descriptive in my blurb, so A- they didn't listen to what I wrote and B- sounds like they're more interested in the money. So, no. If I do become totally desperate, my BFF's therapist takes my insurance and is accepting new people, and he has similar issues, so he does recommend her. I'm not concerned about us both knowing someone, he would never choose a therapist without excellent ethics. He was ON the ethics board of the regional social worker organization. But again, that's if she'd do virtual visits.

On a positive note, my insurance comes with a bonus Healthcare Spending Account of $1000 per calendar year and I got the card about a week ago to use. So today, after my ACA meeting, I'm going to go get an eye exam so I can finally get some new glasses! It's been a few years. I use zenni optical online once I have my prescription. I've always gotten very reasonably-priced glasses of good quality from them. Oh, I should dig out some old pairs.  Most glasses places will accept donations of old ones that they then send to organizations that help people in lesser developed countries who need them.

Next embroidery project is started. An Elizabethan pocket, the kind worn on a tie around the waist under the clothes. I chose several different extant design elements and combined them and am starting the stitching. Beginning pics are here: https://imgur.com/gallery/elizabethan-pocket-elX2Olx It's rather meditative to do, so as long as I don't do it for too long, it's a nice way to calm down.

[sanmagic7]

CF, that pocket design looks so wonderful!  i love the colors - that yellow really 'pops'. i'm a big fan of embroidery.  it's going to be beautiful!

so glad about the extra money for you, and that you're going to be able to get new glasses.  leaving out things like dental and eye docs is so frustrating.  very glad that will get covered for you. 

keep it up, ok?  i think you're doing great.  love and hugs, 

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, San, hugs back!

Well, I didn't get the eye exam at the place I was hoping. if you take walk-ins and your optometrist isn't there that day, maybe put a sign on his door? Eh, I called and got an appt for Thursday afternoon somewhere else, which has better ratings anyway.

2 therapy places have responded to my inquiries and they both seem good. One isn't taking new appts until next Monday, but the other which was higher on my list, I might call this week. I'm getting there. Both their websites say they deal with trauma, are LGBTQIA+ friendly, and do virtual visits, so we'll see.  It's all about the fit. Every step is progress.

BFF is finally feeling good for another day road trip! We'll be doing that not this Thursday, but the next. A lovely little town about 4 hours away that has several art galleries and even a French bistro for lunch! I'm so glad he feels up to doing this again. I've missed our fun days out. Even though I usually need a day and a half to recuperate physically, it boosts my mood like crazy.

[Armee]

I'm just so happy for you that your disability has come through and has some side benefits like getting an eye exam. These things are the very bare minimum of what you deserve for what you went through. You had to fight for it which isn't fair but I'm glad your case prevailed.

Your day trip sounds lovely and I'll keep fingers crossed that one of the therapists works out well.

[CactusFlower]

gentle hugs if you want them , Armee, thank you!

It really does feel nice. The walk-in eye place was a bust, but the actual appointment today at a different place was for the best. Very nice lady, great exam, she took my seriously, and... She's from Vancouver, Canada originally so we had a lovely chat about when I used to visit there. Good omen. Got my new Rx AND found two lovely pairs of glasses online at just under $50 for the both of them. I'm super pleased. They'll take 6-12 business days, but I'm fine with that. Going to Costco in the am tomorrow with the BFF to pick up paper goods and some chicken. Bills are paid, and I have a couple treats coming Sunday from my amazon lists. I must admit, one is a new sewing machine!

It's pretty basic and I can't hunch over it for long at a time, but it'll be useful for a couple small things I just can't do by hand. it was surprisingly affordable and is a Brother, which is a quite reliable brand. I've also got some healthy snacks for the day trip coming, so that'll be nice. I'm so grateful for it all.

I also got a little thrill from the form at the optometrist, because I put "Artist" in the occupation box, ha ha.

[natureluvr]

Cactus flower, it sounds like you have good things going on!  Yay!  Will you be doing artistic things with the sewing machine?

[CactusFlower]

I'm not sure. It has some decorative stitches, but not many. I'm actually hoping to make some really simple chemises/shifts for nightgowns and the like, maybe a super simple kind of skirt for any artistic events I may attend. Whatever doesn't mean hunching over it for hours at a time, certainly. But I'm pretty savvy with a sewing machine, so I know how to make things kind of efficiently. And of course, it'll be great for any necessary repairs.

[CactusFlower]

Oh my god at the level of ridiculousness. A quick little background for our non-USA members: When you get disability, you're put on the government insurance, Medicare. When you're new to an insurance plan, they randomly assign you a Primary Care Provider. (PCP, your main doctor) You are able to switch to anyone else covered by the plan that you want. You'll get new ID cards when you do because your assigned Dr is named on there.

SO...

I got the cards with the randomly assigned Dr a little while ago. I called to switch to the Doc I've had for several years now, I like her and the location is convenient. I'd rather not leave her if possible. They had computer issues doing a lookup and said they'd either send new cards or call me back if she wasn't covered. Last Friday, I get a voicemail saying she isn't on their covered list. Odd, I thought, but ok, even though I hate starting over.

So I called yesterday, Monday, to get them to send me an email list of nearby female providers that were covered, since their search function webpage isn't working in any browser, so it's not me. She emails me a list, fine. I look at it and (supposedly within 10 miles of my zip code) it's one and a quarter pages of names, none of which are MDs. While I don't mind Nurse Practitioners or Physician Assistants or even D.O's, I don't know if disability would have the same opinion, as picky as the government is. So, I call back to ask for a new list because there's no way there's that few female providers in a major city where I live downtown. I have to cut that call short because I literally cannot understand him although I'm very good with accents and I think he was also eating on the phone. Sigh.

Third call, I get someone who understands, she sends me the correct list that's 38 pages long with MDs on it. I see there's another female provider at the same clinic, so I choose her. At least they'll have access to the same records and can even talk to each other if needed. Easy, right? Great, then I message the clinic to let them know I'm switching docs there.

So today, I get a message from the clinic through the portal that that particular doc doesn't actually work at that location.  They copied the office manager, who just called me, and she gave me the names of three of their female docs who are supposedly covered. So now I get to check back with the plan to see if they have any of those docs listed so I can choose them, which should trigger ANOTHER set of ID cards to be mailed out.  This is utterly insane. I used to work in health insurance, and now I'm wondering if every plan's Provider Relations department (that's who controls contracting) are inept.  Wish me luck.

EDIT: Called the plan back, they confirmed those docs are in network, so I chose one. Sheesh.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Oh my god at the level of ridiculousness. A quick little background for our non-USA members: When you get disability, you're put on the government insurance, Medicare. When you're new to an insurance plan, they randomly assign you a Primary Care Provider. (PCP, your main doctor) You are able to switch to anyone else covered by the plan that you want. You'll get new ID cards when you do because your assigned Dr is named on there.

SO...

I got the cards with the randomly assigned Dr a little while ago. I called to switch to the Doc I've had for several years now, I like her and the location is convenient. I'd rather not leave her if possible. They had computer issues doing a lookup and said they'd either send new cards or call me back if she wasn't covered. Last Friday, I get a voicemail saying she isn't on their covered list. Odd, I thought, but ok, even though I hate starting over.

So I called yesterday, Monday, to get them to send me an email list of nearby female providers that were covered, since their search function webpage isn't working in any browser, so it's not me. She emails me a list, fine. I look at it and (supposedly within 10 miles of my zip code) it's one and a quarter pages of names, none of which are MDs. While I don't mind Nurse Practitioners or Physician Assistants or even D.O's, I don't know if disability would have the same opinion, as picky as the government is. So, I call back to ask for a new list because there's no way there's that few female providers in a major city where I live downtown. I have to cut that call short because I literally cannot understand him although I'm very good with accents and I think he was also eating on the phone. Sigh.

Third call, I get someone who understands, she sends me the correct list that's 38 pages long with MDs on it. I see there's another female provider at the same clinic, so I choose her. At least they'll have access to the same records and can even talk to each other if needed. Easy, right? Great, then I message the clinic to let them know I'm switching docs there.

So today, I get a message from the clinic through the portal that that particular doc doesn't actually work at that location.  They copied the office manager, who just called me, and she gave me the names of three of their female docs who are supposedly covered. So now I get to check back with the plan to see if they have any of those docs listed so I can choose them, which should trigger ANOTHER set of ID cards to be mailed out.  This is utterly insane. I used to work in health insurance, and now I'm wondering if every plan's Provider Relations department (that's who controls contracting) are inept.  Wish me luck.

EDIT: Called the plan back, they confirmed those docs are in network, so I chose one. Sheesh.

Eep, that sounds so exhausting. Glad you eventually got something but yeah, it shouldn't be that difficult in the first place!

Regards,
Aphotic

[CactusFlower]

Found a new therapist. I had my intake session with her last week, and the next one is tomorrow. Seems like we might click well, we'll see. she does say she gives homework. Oh boy, lol. Funny enough, she has almost the same name as my previous one. Maybe that's a sign? I'm hopeful.

Last night was extremely windy, so I was on edge again and didn't sleep well. I hate how tired and hurty I am the next day when that happens. I don't have any plans, so I'll just take it easy.

On a positive note, I got some clutter out, which always feels better.  I also managed to convert 5 pairs of earrings to clip-ons yesterday. I haven't worn earrings in some time due to my pierced ears closing up years ago, but maybe now I can wear some of my more costume-y pieces. Alas, the few really good ones are not convertible. Maybe I'll save up and get a cartilage piercing or two later, at least then I could wear some of the nice studs I have. It's not a lot and I don't feel more "feminine" with jewelry, I just like the look sometimes.

I also went through my sewing box to clean out some stuff that was old and unusable, maybe stuff mom had I don't want or need. Didn't find much other than some really old unstretchy elastic, but i did find that I have several spools of really nice never used thread as well as a cone each of black and white. Useful!

Oh, and my new glasses came, I'm very pleased and they're very cute. payneglasses.com, very fast on the production and shipping.