Regaining Memories Feels weird

[CactusFlower]

I've said as long as I can remember (ha!) that I literally cannot remember anything before age 6. As far as my memory was concerned, life began around age 6. I have entire photo albums of all the years before, and while I know that's me in the photos, I have zero recollection of the locations, people, clothing, times, anything. Now that a lot of stuff is coming up, it feels... almost unreal. Like, I would be in the midst of a flashback and recognize it later as being a flashback, and know 1000% that was real, but after?  It feels like... ugh, I'm not sure how to explain it. Strange, like if I remember it but there's no proof, did it really happen? it's not anything in a photo album. But I realize I was younger than 6 in the memory. and I've never made up/imagined/even conceptualized anything before that age, so it must be real. I have my theories now as to why memory begins at 6, but that's a really hard thing to confront.  Sorry, I don't mean to ramble. I think I am just a little frustrated with my mind.  Like, why are you now allowing me to remember these horrible things, yet you won't let me remember any of the good stuff the pictures show? It's so not fair.

Sage

[Alter-eg0]

That does sound frustrating.

At the same time, it sounds to me almost like parts of you are saying, "hey, you're telling/showing me that i'm safe now and that we have work to do...so let me show you what you need to know." Like you're winning the trust of your most hurt parts. It's not pleasant, but it's certainly valuable. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with those younger versions of you, let them know that you hear them and are open, hold space for what they have to show you, and maybe also discuss some boundaries with them about what/how much you can handle, when, and in what pace. I don't know if i'm making sense, but communicating with parts of myself did certainly help me.

[Bach]

Alter-eg0, I love your take on that.  It resonates with some things that I'm currently going through, and makes so much sense to me.