Parts of me

[Bella]

I experienced something today that felt really weired...
I started in a form of self-help group for people with same kind of challanges I have.
When it was my turn to say something I seemed very confident, and well articulated. It was like I was totally on top of the situation. After I while I felt like "who is this?" Like... I know I do have a confident part... a part that has always relayed on intellectualization. But it felt so alien to me...
Now other very fragile and scared parts are acting up, cause they are afraid to be perceived as being more well than what they actually are. Why that is such a scary thing I have no idea! 
Can anyone relate to this?

[woodsgnome]

Yes, I've experienced this sort of foreign (especially at first) voice taking over; also the wonder from other parts of me less in tune with their (mine) true inner nature.

What you experienced goes by many names. What comes to mind for me is the large Self or Observer presence spoken of in various approaches like IFS and psychosynthesis. It's like we all have this voice but usually can't access it due to traumas that lead to cptsd and seem to get stuck, especially messing up our self-confidence.

We've often been trained out of acknowledging that we even have this or can ever access it. It's part of the inner 'injury' where outside sources can overrun it with messages like : you're no good, and never will be, etc., ad infinitum.

Another phrase I ran into called this phenomenon "The Soul's Code" emerging, where your internal truth (knowing you are a good person) overrides the previous inner doubts. This rather upsets one's inner critic and other parts, but sometimes it's beneficial to just move past what's held one back before. It's like a cloud moving aside for the blue sky that was always also there.

When this first happened, I too was rather scared -- it wasn't like me to be or feel confident like I finally did. I still stumbled (still do) with these sorts of situations, but at least I'd finally recognized that I was in no way the miserable wreck I was trained to be.

It is normal but scary if you've never experienced this before. Just my opinion, but it can be a good sign that you're able to rise above all the junk you've internalized from others.  This just shows that, inside, you're a strong and wonderful person; free to be you.

[Bella]

Woodsgnome;
"It's like a cloud moving aside for the blue sky that was always also there."
Such a descriptive picture of the experience! That's exactly what it felt like. Deep down I know that I know that I know I'm a confident, resourceful, kind and emphatetic person. But that person have vanished these last years, only leaving me with petrified, fragile, shy parts with absolutely no self esteem or feeling of worth. Guess that's why this part now felt so alienated to me..
"It is normal but scary if you've never experienced this before. Just my opinion, but it can be a good sign that you're able to rise above all the junk you've internalized from others.  This just shows that, inside, you're a strong and wonderful person; free to be you."
Thank you so much for this! And for the hug! Appreciate you and your insight! Sending a hug back! 

[Not Alone]

When it was my turn to say something I seemed very confident, and well articulated. It was like I was totally on top of the situation. After I while I felt like "who is this?"


Can anyone relate to this?

I have experienced this also.

[Blueberry]

I have experienced it too, e.g. when I first started teaching groups it sometimes happened. Unfortunately sometimes just about the opposite happened too.

[Bella]

Notalone and Blueberry:
Thank you for responding to my post!
And yes, I have felt some of my smallest,  most vulnerable and frightened parts come to the surface at very inconvenient times too... it's terribly humiliating!
Anyways, I'm glad I'm not a total freak, that other people actually knows what I'm talking about!