Insight into My CPTSD and Addiction to Food

Started by Kizzie, February 19, 2021, 05:50:04 PM

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Kizzie

One thing I keep coming across in my reading about trauma is that researchers and clinicians tend to focus on where the money and obvious/clear issues are.  Anorexia and bulimia are big T (ticket) types of disordered eating for which there is a lot of funding for research and treatment, whereas night eating not at all I think because overeating is still viewed as a lack of control, a defect of character/willpower if you will. "Just eat less and exersize more."

Anorexia and bulimia, ob the other hand, are clearly the result of psychological 'struggles' although not in response to trauma. I joined an online 8 weight course for eating disorders some months back and there was no connection of disordered eating behaviours to underlying trauma, that this might be why participants were controlling their eating, binging or in my case overeating. I left, again because I knew they did not have that trauma informed understanding I so need.

It's interesting that despite all the furor over the Adverse Childhood Experiences study at the moment - the $$$ and attention it is receiving, the connection of disordered eating to trauma still doesn't seem to have taken hold in professional circles or even with survivors.

I think we're on the leading edge of calling attention to the link and raising awareness.   


Kizzie

#16
This article discusses food addiction/obesity thru the lenses of neuroscience & attachment theory: https://psychotherapy.psychiatryonline.org/doi/full/10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180002. It doesn't mention  relational trauma per se, but the whole notion of dysregulated attachment is born of RT as we all know only too well here. 

What I like about this article is that it makes the point that disordered eating requires treatment in which the focus is on the underlying issues.  How do I replace/turn the volume down on the part of me that needs to comfort/numb myself?  :Idunno:  Definitely need some TI help with this as I simply cannot white knuckle it through another weight management program in which the basic message is to eat less and exercise more. 

This article gives some insights into how to tackle dysregulated eating due to dysregulated attachment, a BIG step forward IMO.  I've started gathering more academic articles like this as I want to revisit trying to get the psych sector/provincial eating disorders organization interested in a trauma informed therapy group.   

Blueberry

Quote from: Kizzie on May 02, 2021, 05:57:16 PM
I've started gathering more academic articles like this as I want to revisit trying to get the psych sector/provincial eating disorders organization interested in a trauma informed therapy group.

:applause: :applause: :thumbup: :cheer: for your advocacy work, Kizzie!

Kizzie

Tks BB!  I also spoke to my T about getting a centre like Body and Soul in London going here.  She's going to speak to her colleagues as they had actually been discussing something like this. I would LOVE to be a part of getting both or one of these going.

And at some point I'd like to go back to working with ISSTS but not quite there yet in terms of energy/time as still dealing w/my H's rehab from his stroke.  He's doing very well but we're in the city 2-3 times/week and that eats up time and energy. 

Jazzy

This is great, Kizzie! I'm so glad you found an article like that.

I've seen it in my own life, and in other's close to me. Knowing how to eat healthy is only a small part of the battle. Any underlying complications within the mind can really interfere with being able to put in to practice what is already known about health and nutrition. Of course, trauma is an extreme "complication", and can make it totally impossible.

QuoteDefinitely need some TI help with this as I simply cannot white knuckle it through another weight management program in which the basic message is to eat less and exercise more.
You're absolutely right. The basic message of eat less and exercise more is not what you need, and you shouldn't have to knuckle through something that is failing to help you. I'm not sure what the "TI" acronym stands for, but I hope you find the help you're looking for!

Kizzie

"TI" stands for "trauma informed" which none of the weight loss/management programs I've done were. TI programs need to know how to help survivors with eating issues how to find healthy ways to comfort ourselves which entails getting at the trauma to some degree and understanding that as a driver.  I don't know about anorexia/bulimia but no doubt programs/treatment need to be TI also, same for a lot of addictive/self-harming behaviours.  So much seems to come back to relational trauma.   

Jazzy

Thank you for explaining that, Kizzie. I'm sorry I didn't make the connection on my own; I really should have. I completely agree that so much seems to come back to relational trauma.

I'm more concerned about you, though. :)  Hopefully you have some sort of plan on how to tackle this with a new approach. I'd be interested to discuss, or even just hear, ideas on how to handle weight management in a TI way. I also don't want to ask too much or have you share anything you're uncomfortable with, though.

Kizzie

I think a TI weight program would necessarily need a psychologically guided/supported component that explores how overeating relates to the trauma we experienced. Participants would benefit from discovering the reasons why they use food to comfort and numb, explore ways of regulating emotions, developing healthier  self-care, increasing connection to others, looking at ways of finding joy and fun and comfort ...

That's as far as I've gotten so far ;D


Jazzy

That all sounds like good stuff. :)  Maybe it would be good to make a new post about it, so it doesn't hijack yours here? I feel like I'm already doing that a bit. :(

My first thought was to just go make a new post about it myself, but I'm not sure I'm the best person for it. I don't really have the experience, because my eating issues are different.

I'm also realizing that I know practically nothing about what you've been through i.e. your story and your healing journey. I'm sorry that I haven't invested more time in to you, when you have invested so much in to all of us. I tried looking for some of your journals, but I've had trouble finding them with so much information on the site here. Do you have a link handy?

I really wish I could be more helpful. I think "find healthy ways to comfort ourselves" is a crucial part of the process though. Good job for realizing that.  :thumbup:

Blueberry

Quote from: Kizzie on May 06, 2021, 04:46:50 PM
I think a TI weight program would necessarily need a psychologically guided/supported component that explores how overeating relates to the trauma we experienced. Participants would benefit from discovering the reasons why they use food to comfort and numb, explore ways of regulating emotions, developing healthier  self-care, increasing connection to others, looking at ways of finding joy and fun and comfort ...

I've actually done a lot of that already in an inpatient program but I guess it wasn't TI enough or maybe the problem was simply that it was very early on in my recovery, too early maybe? It was either white-knuckled abstinence when I got home on and off for years or nothing doing. I find I can't write more but I wish you all the best with this, Kizzie and Jazzy and anybody else.

Kizzie

#25
QuoteI've actually done a lot of that already in an inpatient program but I guess it wasn't TI enough or maybe the problem was simply that it was very early on in my recovery, too early maybe? It was either white-knuckled abstinence when I got home on and off for years or nothing doing.

So sorry it didn't help you BB.  I know only too well about white knuckle dieting and then giving up and doing nothing.  :hug: 

I'm coming to see lately that therapy is likely how I will come to deal with my issues with overeating; doing a lot of work on learning how to deal with (release/face/integrate?) my stored pain and how to comfort myself when new pain comes up and/or I'm triggered. It's not about food per se, it's about never being comforted or learning to comfort myself in the face of overwhelming emotions.   

And it's that ability to comfort is the trickiest part I think. My T and I are working on this right now so the jury's out, but I do hope I can learn how to do this and to regulate my emotions so they don't overwhelm me. We'll see how I fare as therapy progresses.    :Idunno:

I also feel like I would benefit from group therapy for trauma survivors that focuses on overeating, why we do so, how we can comfort ourselves and receive comfort and support from others, etc.  I know I do better when I know I'm not alone, when I can look at my issues through the eyes of others in terms of their experiences and their support.   :grouphug:

Jazzy

All the best with therapy and embracing your emotions and feelings, Kizzie.

QuoteI also feel like I would benefit from group therapy for trauma survivors that focuses on overeating, why we do so, how we can comfort ourselves and receive comfort and support from others, etc.  I know I do better when I know I'm not alone, when I can look at my issues through the eyes of others in terms of their experiences and their support.

This really stands out to me. I remember one of the very few times I tried group therapy, there was a woman who spoke about how she baked to help her feel better, but then she ate all the sweets she baked, which caused her to gain weight.

I wasn't in a place to understand this at the time, but it sounds to me like this is exactly the sort of thing that would benefit from such a group. The reason I bring this up is because not only do I like the idea, but I believe there is a lot of need for it. I think of my brother as well. I wonder how many people would really benefit from this.

In fact, I have made a note of this on my to do list. I would really like to see this put in to action by someone. Thank you for sharing this. :)

<3 Jazzy

Blueberry

Quote from: Kizzie on June 25, 2021, 04:53:53 PM
QuoteI've actually done a lot of that already in an inpatient program but I guess it wasn't TI enough or maybe the problem was simply that it was very early on in my recovery, too early maybe? It was either white-knuckled abstinence when I got home on and off for years or nothing doing.

So sorry it didn't help you BB.  I know only too well about white knuckle dieting and then giving up and doing nothing.  :hug: 

It did help in a way, just not long-term. It wasn't about dieting then for me, it was about keeping a meal schedule, eating regularily and in a healthy, non-distracted way e.g. chewing properly. Also separating feelings from food/eating. Even allowing myself certain foods. One of the problems was that the amount of energy going into all that meant I had no energy left for anything else. I did however learn way back then that eating or not-eating can be addictive behaviour. Also about how replacing one addictive behaviour with another doesn't equal healing.


Jazzy

 :yeahthat:

These are a lot of great points, Blueberry! Thank you for sharing. :)

<3 Jazzy

Kizzie

QuoteI did however learn way back then that eating or not-eating can be addictive behaviour. Also about how replacing one addictive behaviour with another doesn't equal healing.

It took me ages to let myself acknowledge that BB, it was like I was keeping this secret. That is,
although I had given up smoking, shopping, etc., I knew the feelings were still there and food was now my sole source of comfort/distraction.  Problem is as I gained weight it wasn't a secret anymore of course ( :doh:).  I stopped wanting to see anyone that knew me when I was smaller because I didn't want to feel ashamed. That last part is something I never admitted out loud.  Hopefully that signals a bit of progress  :Idunno: