video of dysfunctional + functional parent

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video of dysfunctional + functional parent
« on: March 05, 2021, 08:59:26 PM »
Here's another video I watched by the therapist Patrick Teahan:
Cautionary TW for watching, though not reading.

It shows 3 different role-plays. One is of a daughter telling her M about being in T. The M reacts unsupportive and makes it all about her. The daughter can't defend herself adequately or at all. (This situation or similar is probably pretty familiar to most of us on here, certainly to me)

The second one, M is actually supportive and admits to not being there in her daughter's childhood, apologises etc. I can't remember if it was in a comment on this video or a different one, but Teahan says that's a total unicorn situation - we all want it but it hardly ever happens. It's interesting to see what a healthy parent might look like though!

The third one is something we can work towards if we haven't gone VLC or NC already: M remains dysfunctional but the daughter sets limits, speaks out, ends conversation etc. It's also helping me think about how I react in conflict with people outside FOO like my neighbours, friends, landlord etc.

I wasn't really sure where to post this. Hope this is a good place for it.



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Re: video of dysfunctional + functional parent
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2021, 10:33:22 PM »
That was excellent, thanks!

(TW: PA)

My own M used to do some of the stuff he acted out, like any time my sibling or I would try to talk with her about how we were harmed by her letting our F beat us (repeatedly over the course of years), shed instantly remind us of the (only) time hed hit her, or his infidelities, or his being a deadbeat on the child support... followed by much woe-is-me sighing. Shed literally not even acknowledge what wed said. She tried so hard to get away from admitting that she grievously failed to protect us

I also liked the way he pointed out at the end that gaslighting and invalidation can be traumatizing in their own right