Feeling stressed-out waiting for hospital to call

[Blue Rose]

I've been working from home since mid-March last year, I had three and a half months on furlough in the middle which was a blessing as I was so stressed out. Feeling so anxious while working from home has made me realise that I just feel this anxious and hypervigilant all the time and have done since I was a child which is a long old time now I am past 45 years old! When I get really bad I sometimes start to feel really spaced out and might have an accident (usually tripping or falling) and hurting myself. Anyway, I am feeling really stressed out right now as trying to concentrate on work, but found a lump 5-6 weeks ago, and saw doctor on Friday who made urgent referral to hospital to check it out so I am expecting them to call in next 24 hours. I'm pretty sure it's nothing serious but I feel anxious about it. I had surgery twice when I was in my mid to late twenties and six weeks of radiotherapy. I had terrible panic attacks after surgery but I'm pretty well in control of panic attacks now. But going to GP and hospitals I find traumatic. 

[CactusFlower]

Healthcare when we're worried can be stressful no matter what the cause.  Wishing the best for your outcome and sitting with you today.

[Kizzie]

Waiting on results is so hard!  I feel for you Blue Rose, I hope it's nothing serious 

Feeling uncomfortable/anxious about GPs/hospitals is more common than you might think. Here's a blog article by one of our members you might find interesting - https://www.outofthestorm.website/guest-bloggers?offset=1543767551651.

[Blue Rose]

Thank you CactusFlower and Kizzie. The blog article really resonates with me, I had no idea before starting therapy that what happened from my earliest childhood onwards impacts so much how I have been reacting to things ever since. This includes every aspect of my life, medical stuff, my job, my relationship, my childfree choice (?). It seems crazy, but then it makes sense.

[Kizzie]

Sadly our trauma does impact many aspects of our lives which is why becoming aware of this is an important aspect of recovery.  I hope for the day when medical doctors are more aware of the physical aspects and are a willing, knowledgeable and caring part of our treatment/wellness plan. Hope springs eternal  as they say

Hoping the results are good Blue Rose 

[Blue Rose]

Thank you Kizzie, finally got my clinic appointment today, it's not until 9th April (which will be three weeks out from urgent referral) but that's ok (well being a Fawn type I definitely didn't say 'But you said you have to see me within two weeks', ha ha). Have been feeling some pain where lump is. I've got one more day at work then two weeks off so hoping to get a chance to enjoy some Spring sunshine. Hope everyone here is doing okay. I know this doesn't strictly belong here but I got triggered (EF) badly yesterday when my partner told me he had lost his key to the garage. I immediately apologised even though he said it wasn't my fault as he was the last one to have it. I spent an hour looking for it and worrying about it. I just react as if I were a small child again, my mother rampaging through the house, yelling and thumping us, whenever she was frustrated about something. Whenever someone is frustrated my reaction is that it is my fault, I have caused it. I feel so anxious and scared. I am learning to say that it's okay and it's not my problem to immediately drop everything to fix.

[Kizzie]

On no, more waiting.  I hope you have lots of sunshine on your two weeks off 

So sorry you had an EF    That old amygdala/emotional brain just takes over when we are triggered unfortunately. 

I am learning to say that it's okay and it's not my problem to immediately drop everything to fix.

Good for you     

[Not Alone]

I'm sorry you have to wait more. I'm sure that is really hard.