the mime

[sanmagic7]

the mime
trapped in a glass box
seeing all but unable to act
until the anger overtakes
and with fists of steel
he pounds the glass
wanting to get out.

what he didn't realize,
glass shatters
and the shards of independence
shred his skin and muscles and bone

crying out in pain
blood spilling at his feet
we had to begin anew
too frightened of the image that freedom chose.

[Blueberry]

san, this is very expressive. I hope that writing it helped you process in some way or just getting it expressed helped you. I know you will be back on the forum when you are able.  Till then

[Bach]

 

[woodsgnome]

With the freedom, comes the frustration. Again. Yet even a small taste of it was enough to return. To be free; not always a dream, but not automatic either.

[sanmagic7]

thank you blueberry, bach, and wg for your feedback and support.

this was a real image that came up for me when i was doing emdr processing.  i was feeling so trapped because of our living situation, so we targeted that trapped feeling i had.  the image of the mime trapped in a glass box, who began pounding his way out only to have the glass shatter and pierce him was too much for me to take and i had to end it in the middle cuz i was terrified of what i was seeing. 

there is something about freedom that has been part of me since i left my parents' home to go to college.  once i got the taste of it, my craving for its continuation would not be quenched.  i was never afraid of seeking out new experiences, spreading my wings, taking road trips of 2300 mi. on my own to go to mexico - i loved the open road and the freedom it bestowed on me.  since i've moved back to the states, had my driver's lic. taken away due to misinformation and lack of a car at the time, the idea that my independence and with it my freedom to pick up and go was taken away, and it hit me hard.

with this new situation and the way it was handled, i was overcome with trepidation of that trapped feeling.  it's settled down a bit, but at the time i had to picture that mime sitting in a corner of the box wrapped in a blanket, waiting for me to be able to rescue him from his prison.  hasn't happened yet.