Anyone Else in Acute Care? TW

[Blueberry]

Comfortable dissociation today, lots of music and getting back into dance. My first round of books (Surviving to Thriving, Waking the Tiger and one other I think) are on their way. I've been reading them online but I want to be able to underline/highlight.

Here's to hoping for another good day tomorrow! Some light dissociation today but otherwise I've been hanging in there.

That all sounds like good progress!     

Most of my acute care stays did me a lot of good and I was allowed to stay quite a while till I was well stabilised again. If that would be good for you, then I hope that happens. If you'd prefer to leave and get back home again, then I hope that happens.

[Eidolon]

Ordered some more books! Finished Surviving to Thriving and I'm working on Waking the Tiger as well as the Complex PTSD Workbook. The initial rush has slowed down some. Still healing slowly. Hugs to Blueberry! I'm supposed to be getting a place of my own sometime soon (away from threats) but there's potentially another stepdown unit. Here's to hoping!

[Eidolon]

Slowly healing and integrating protective factors. Finished most of the books and the others are on their way, as well as some clay to make pottery/other art. I've been going outside more recently, too, no big updates except a renewed sense of faith after a relationship that crushed me. Trying to pace everything so I don't overwhelm the senses. Successfully kicked smoking by chewing on mint leaves!

[Armadillo]

You are amazing! You are so dedicated to healing it is very inspiring.

[Eidolon]

You are amazing! You are so dedicated to healing it is very inspiring.

Thank you! Your journal spurred on the recovery, actually. Seeing other people going through difficult times is probably the biggest factor. Relaxing day today, just walking outside and enjoying the sun. Can't recommend body tapping enough. Lots of locked emotions in my knees and stomach. Some of it is anger, otherwise fear that hasn't been released in years. Pain in my knees and tension in the stomach; food trauma and neglect playing a large role in it. I'm grateful today. Pain at the base of my spine and the middle from a physical flashback, working through that. Difficult to prove to myself that it won't happen again. Tension headache today.

Cheers to everybody. Didn't expect emotional processing to be so tiring.

[Armadillo]

Your journal spurred on the recovery, actually.

Oh, wow! Um gosh! I'm happy it was helpful in some way. I was terrified I'd hurt someone.

Did you teach yourself tapping? I've heard of it but haven't looked into it...

[Eidolon]

Your journal spurred on the recovery, actually.

Oh, wow! Um gosh! I'm happy it was helpful in some way. I was terrified I'd hurt someone.

Did you teach yourself tapping? I've heard of it but haven't looked into it...

Of course! I did teach myself a bit of tapping through Qi Gong videos. Most of my energy was stored in my joints and stomach. Try gently knocking against your clavicles, down your chest and stomach, and then down your legs to your feet. That might release some energy and emotions for you to process. If it hurts, that may be a sign of unprocessed trauma. That's from personal experience (the knees hurting in particular, and the base of the spine.)

I also had a group today where I got to discuss C-PTSD! So that was nice.

[Eidolon]

Went outside today; more thawing around Hurricane Katrina and growing up the way I did. Still quite a bit of dissociation going on surrounding recent events. Not too many recent physical flashbacks so that's good. Making progress in the EAC slowly but surely- disability seems to be the way to go. Primary focus is finding purpose after feeling like I had none. I ordered some clay not too long ago, so I'll see how that turns out.

[Armadillo]

Oh gosh I didn't realize you went through Katrina on top of everything else you are dealing with. I just am so in awe of how well you are doing focusing on healing. You are an amazing person.

[Eidolon]

Oh gosh I didn't realize you went through Katrina on top of everything else you are dealing with. I just am so in awe of how well you are doing focusing on healing. You are an amazing person.

I appreciate that. I did survive Katrina, I'm thinking of writing up what that was like; I was stuck in New Orleans for a week (I lived there) when I was 5. A lot of it is still dissociated but I was trapped in a closet for a little bit. I remember walking through the water and thinking my leg was touched by a snake (it was a root, thankfully.) My father gave my two half brothers and me all the food and water and nearly died, so it still feels like it happened to someone else sometimes.

Always remember that you're on your own journey to healing, and that you're also doing an amazing job, too. Be soft with yourself.

[Armadillo]

Wow. That must have been so frightening for little 5 year old Eidolon to go through and watch, especially watching your father nearly die from giving you and your brothers all the food and water. I'm glad you made it out and I can't imagine the upheaval after initial survival. Also, wow. You have a lot of wisdom for someone so young!

Thanks for the kind words of support toward me too here in your own space. 

[Eidolon]

It was! It shaped how I viewed the world for a long time; I still experience some flashbacks from thunderstorms. I remember the first thing I asked when I saw the water around us was, "did someone pee the bed?" So I think my coping mechanism of using humor (even if it's not funny) is an old one. I remember being surrounded by water and making leaf-boats to keep entertained, and a helicopter that couldn't reach us. We got lucky and someone on a boat came by to get us to a nearby school (we went to the roof and a helicopter reached us there, the first one couldn't reach us through telephone wires.) We lost our dog during the hurricane; couldn't take him in the helicopter with us. That sticks with me and is part of where my survivor's guilt comes from.

I'm always happy to cheer you on here! I like making safe spaces; when I get out of acute care I'd like to make an online space for C-PTSD survivors to bond. I really like C-PTSD memes, too.

[Eidolon]

Slow progress today and a bit of a headache, but doing well otherwise. No flashbacks as of late but some definite anger/derealization and fatigue. They don't allow us to smoke in here so I'm feeling a bit agitated. Therapy is mostly CBT and I know I'm supposed to meet with my doctor, but I don't know when. Hoping it's sooner rather than later so I can clear up some things. Here's to hoping.

[Armadillo]

I hope you do see the doctor soon. I'm sorry therapy is mostly CBT there. : /

Have you been doing any clay work?

[Eidolon]

I hope you do see the doctor soon. I'm sorry therapy is mostly CBT there. : /

Have you been doing any clay work?

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's off-put by it being primarily CBT. I mentioned I was interested in EMDR and trauma specialized therapists but there don't seem to be any available here. The clay should arrive sometime early in June, so I'm excited for that. I did make two containers and a cup! I painted them myself. Clay is probably my favorite medium; tie-dye is a close second. I think art is incredibly therapeutic.

Today was a scorcher but we got some beans planted and some lettuce! Here's to hoping for a salad not too long from now.