Anyone Else in Acute Care? TW

[Tyr]

I've got comorbid schizophrenia and C-PTSD, and have spent a lot of time in acute wards. Ask me anything.

The similarities between schizophrenia and C-PTSD are enough that they spent 5 years (!!!) arguing whether my symptoms were due to trauma or due to psychosis. They concluded both in the end.

Personally, I feel like the psychosis is less tangible than the trauma symptoms. While my schizophrenia might tell me the trees have killed me, my C-PTSD will instead tell me that man walking towards me at the store will assault me. I've understood from clinicians that the line is often put there, right at the point of where something becomes bizarre (in this context "bizarre" means "would not at all be possible", like trees killing a human).

If your trauma was a car accident and you hallucinate the noise of a car horns, that's probably PTSD. But if you hallucinate floating orbs in the sky that's more likely a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia.

Keep in mind I am simply a layman with personal experience who likes to read up on stuff. You can google "dissociation and psychosis differential diagnosis" for a lot of interesting articles. Modern psychology usually places dissociation and psychosis on the same spectrum rather than as two wildly separate things.

Best of luck, and hang in there

[Armadillo]

I wish you had nothing to cry about, but since you do have stuff to cry about...good job getting it out. I agree. Go wherever you can go to be able to make rose tea. 

[Eidolon]

I've got comorbid schizophrenia and C-PTSD, and have spent a lot of time in acute wards. Ask me anything.

The similarities between schizophrenia and C-PTSD are enough that they spent 5 years (!!!) arguing whether my symptoms were due to trauma or due to psychosis. They concluded both in the end.

Personally, I feel like the psychosis is less tangible than the trauma symptoms. While my schizophrenia might tell me the trees have killed me, my C-PTSD will instead tell me that man walking towards me at the store will assault me. I've understood from clinicians that the line is often put there, right at the point of where something becomes bizarre (in this context "bizarre" means "would not at all be possible", like trees killing a human).

If your trauma was a car accident and you hallucinate the noise of a car horns, that's probably PTSD. But if you hallucinate floating orbs in the sky that's more likely a psychotic disorder such as schizophrenia.

Keep in mind I am simply a layman with personal experience who likes to read up on stuff. You can google "dissociation and psychosis differential diagnosis" for a lot of interesting articles. Modern psychology usually places dissociation and psychosis on the same spectrum rather than as two wildly separate things.

Best of luck, and hang in there

I'm not hallucinating orbs or anything like that, I'm more hearing *TW* my dead mother's voice telling me she wished I was dead/didn't want me/that I'm going to * when a lot of stuff just.. wasn't my fault. I described it as a ghost when I was in a psychiatric hospital because I didn't know what else to do. They labeled it as schizophrenia but it comes and goes, so I'm thinking it's more likely physical flashbacks. What do you think?

I wish you had nothing to cry about, but since you do have stuff to cry about...good job getting it out. I agree. Go wherever you can go to be able to make rose tea. 

I've been able to successfully cry a lot more about my current situation and past situations- like accepting that I was abused to begin with instead of dissociating away from reminders all the time. There's this sense of relief after grieving for my past selves, and sometimes different internal voices. All depends on flashbacks. Thank you both for being so kind.

[Tyr]

I'm not hallucinating orbs or anything like that, I'm more hearing *TW* my dead mother's voice telling me she wished I was dead/didn't want me/that I'm going to * when a lot of stuff just.. wasn't my fault. I described it as a ghost when I was in a psychiatric hospital because I didn't know what else to do. They labeled it as schizophrenia but it comes and goes, so I'm thinking it's more likely physical flashbacks. What do you think?

That definitely sounds much more like the nature of PTSD. It sounds like auditory flashbacks. Flashbacks can be on any of the senses (visual, auditory, and tactile being the most common ones) and also emotional and physical. Trauma can put our bodies and minds under so much stress that they jumble the past into the present so convincingly we are almost fooled.

They probably labeled it schizophrenia thinking you believed it was a ghost talking to you, and that you believed said ghost was real. Telling them that was not the case might help them understand better..? I haven't read the entire thread so I'm not completely up to date, but do let me know if you want me to collect a couple sources on the differential diagnostics.

[Eidolon]

I'm not hallucinating orbs or anything like that, I'm more hearing *TW* my dead mother's voice telling me she wished I was dead/didn't want me/that I'm going to * when a lot of stuff just.. wasn't my fault. I described it as a ghost when I was in a psychiatric hospital because I didn't know what else to do. They labeled it as schizophrenia but it comes and goes, so I'm thinking it's more likely physical flashbacks. What do you think?

That definitely sounds much more like the nature of PTSD. It sounds like auditory flashbacks. Flashbacks can be on any of the senses (visual, auditory, and tactile being the most common ones) and also emotional and physical. Trauma can put our bodies and minds under so much stress that they jumble the past into the present so convincingly we are almost fooled.

They probably labeled it schizophrenia thinking you believed it was a ghost talking to you, and that you believed said ghost was real. Telling them that was not the case might help them understand better..? I haven't read the entire thread so I'm not completely up to date, but do let me know if you want me to collect a couple sources on the differential diagnostics.

That's what I think happened, I've had other flashbacks recently so I know it's not ghosts- just physical flashbacks, and sometimes auditory. Some of it seems to be like the inner critic and other times, not so much. I appreciate you helping me with this; I thought I was going bonkers. I'm hoping to talk to my therapist soon about it, because there were other things going on around the same time and I don't want to be misunderstood while I'm here. Dealt with emotional flashbacks recently of an abusive relationship and it feels like memory flooding. Everything feels like it all happened so fast and I didn't have any time to process it. Therapist is reading the book I lent her on C-PTSD, so I'm hoping that may give her an idea of what I'm dealing with.

[Jazzy]

Hi Eidolon,

Flashbacks and hallucinations are really difficult, I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

I don't want to compare or anything, but I want to let you know you're certainly not alone. I experienced hallucinations too, which really scared me. For a while I thought I was dealing with some sort of schizophrenia or similar type of disorder... maybe I was, I don't really know. They did lessen and eventually go away though, as I continued along my healing journey. I hope they go away for you too when you get everything worked out.

Sending you strength while you continue to work those things out for now. You're doing great, keep up the good work!

[Armadillo]

I agree....I had visual, auditory, and smell hallucinations as i processed some stuff too fast.

[Eidolon]

Hi Eidolon,

Flashbacks and hallucinations are really difficult, I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

I don't want to compare or anything, but I want to let you know you're certainly not alone. I experienced hallucinations too, which really scared me. For a while I thought I was dealing with some sort of schizophrenia or similar type of disorder... maybe I was, I don't really know. They did lessen and eventually go away though, as I continued along my healing journey. I hope they go away for you too when you get everything worked out.

Sending you strength while you continue to work those things out for now. You're doing great, keep up the good work!

I agree....I had visual, auditory, and smell hallucinations as i processed some stuff too fast.

Thank you both for helping me through this- I'm unused to dealing with hallucinations and I think it was because I was processing too much stuff too fast. I think doctors took it as me being abused at home when it was more, opening up old trauma wounds. I'm hoping I can explain it to doctors. I've been picking off fleas by myself through music and meditation, with not much help from my therapist at the facility. I didn't have any therapy last week and I'm supposed to have it twice a week so something feels off. I found some music I liked a lot and might process some parts to it later- I wrote a poem earlier but don't really want to share it. Feeling a little bit burnt out is all, I think. I dealt with some smell hallucinations a few days ago and managed to make it through alright.

I also figured out some of my dissociation is anxiety and depression based, so I'm feeling a bit more than I used to. Bless.

[Armadillo]

I'd be so frustrated not getting the amount of therapy needed but again you are doing so awesome making good use of this time to heal yourself. You should be able to obtain more support but you're doing great.

I know we're all different but my hallucinations generally fade out after a few weeks. I don't even know if it's right to call what we are all experiencing as hallucinations or if they are really flashbacks. Maybe it'd freak the good doctors out a bit less if the term flashback fits to use that instead.

Good job on clearing some of the dissociation and numbness.

[Blueberry]

I've been picking off fleas by myself through music and meditation, with not much help from my therapist at the facility. I didn't have any therapy last week and I'm supposed to have it twice a week so something feels off. I found some music I liked a lot and might process some parts to it later- I wrote a poem earlier but don't really want to share it. Feeling a little bit burnt out is all, I think. I dealt with some smell hallucinations a few days ago and managed to make it through alright.

You're doing great Eidolon! I'm sorry you're not getting the support you ought to be getting though.

Good on you for getting through smell hallucinations. I had them too once and I remember I didn't know what to do except get in a safe place. I agree with the others that they are actually maybe flashbacks. When I'm in flashback mode, I have had feelings of things and/or visuals that never actually took place (e.g. physical violence that nobody could live through, especially not multiple times) so with time I understood these to be symbolic of the emotional abuse. That might not be what's going on for you, but be aware that flashbacks don't have to be the literal truth, though they can be.

[Eidolon]

Thank you to Armadillo and Blueberry for being supportive- I had no idea how to deal with them for the longest time and wondered if I was going crazy. When I was in the hospital I felt *tw?*someone (or something) hitting my back extremely hard, like it was enough to break. I don't think it actually did but it felt like it would've, and there was soreness for days after. I do remember on one occasion  being thrown into a bed-frame and hitting my spine but that was when I was really young. *tw end*. Psychological trauma causes aches and pains for days and I don't understand why. It can't always be that way, but some days it really makes me wonder.

Managed to stay positive today with almost no flashbacks! Going to try meditating more. I'll be meeting with my therapist on Friday, so I'm hoping for good progress- although when I go in to talk, it feels like my mind goes blank. Maybe I don't feel entirely safe here yet? Unsure, I have difficulty telling people things when I have to make eye contact.

[Armadillo]

Wishing you luck with the therapist today. I can't imagine being able to open up in that scenario so anything you can get out there with the acute care therapist is a win.

And hey. You know what they say...the body keeps the score. Your body is literally remembering the abuse. I've had this too. They are physical flashbacks. It is very definitely my body remembering the pain when triggered even if I am not aware of the triggers and am not thinking of them. My experience of the pain is nearly as intense as the actual event and has made me cry out in pain. I am not and have never been crazy. Neither are you. This is trauma. This is how it presents. You are not crazy or psychotic. 

[Armadillo]

Hoping you're ok, E, maybe in a happy place drinking rose tea. 

[Eidolon]

I'm back!
The internet was down because of a power-line. I settled into gradually accepting that returning to my home situation may not be the best option for the time being and told FOO to give me maybe a year. A long time for someone in my shoes (and in his), but I think it's for the best. The physical flashbacks have diminished (save for a few times where I felt my legs being hurt), and right now I'm dealing with the re-emergence of an *TW* eating disorder as a result. It feels like if there's not one thing to deal with, another self-destructive coping mechanism has to pop up.

Trying to be gentle in regards to it (and to curb over-exercising.) Thank you for keeping an eye on my journal and giving feedback!

[Armadillo]

Welcome back! I feel a bit relieved about your decision. It sounds like that will be the healthiest for both of you for awhile. I'm glad you are being gentle with yourself for the coping mechanisms. I don't have an ED but I slipped easily into not eating for most of a week when I was reliving some physical triggers. I have full confidence you can and will get your eating back to normal quickly if you just kind of roll with it and keep health and balance in mind as your ultimate goal.