Got an emotional flashback

[goblinchild]

Every time I try to use a sewing machine I have a breakdown.

I'm sitting here with the remnants of my latest sewing disaster. And honestly, it's not that bad. Idk what went wrong, but maybe I'll figure it out? I fixed the part that was messed up and no major harm was done so I can totally try again! But it feels like the end of the world. I feel ....completely shut down? Like all of this was for nothing and I need to quit? It's definitely some kind of emotional flashback, I know this feeling. I have this weird urge to hide in a childhood bedroom and dissociate with my toys.

I have a lot of repressed memory, so I'm not exactly sure what this stems from yet. But maybe when I was little and didn't know how to do something correctly, I didn't have any help to fix it? I remember the sting of having so much excitement and passion and energy invested in something and just have it not work. And that's it. I just don't get to do that thing. I didn't know why it didn't work. Probably because I "messed up" right, I just do everything wrong.

As a teen I was really creative but I was never able to finish things. I would get so passionate and want to do creative projects so badly. I would always hit some dead end where I was trying really hard but everything was coming out wrong. Probably because I didn't know how to do the thing I wanted to do, but didn't realize I needed direction. I wouldn't know how to fix it, or what I was doing wrong. Everyone else around me seemed to work hard and do things just fine? And I would just kind of withdraw and clock out.

Kids get direction like that from parents, right? I guess if I was a parent and I saw my kid that upset, I would want them to talk to me so I could help. And if I saw my kid was very interested in something, I would want to encourage them and make sure they had the tools they needed to explore their interests. I feel like there's something buried deeper in those memories that I can't quite reach right now, but at the very least I probably shouldn't have faced those problems alone. I can't imagine thinking about my young cousins struggling like that, it's really disturbing to fathom.

[Not Alone]

But it feels like the end of the world.. . .It's definitely some kind of emotional flashback, I know this feeling. I have this weird urge to hide in a childhood bedroom and dissociate with my toys.

I went through a similar thing today. Ended up curled up in a ball on my bathroom floor.

Kids get direction like that from parents, right? I guess if I was a parent and I saw my kid that upset, I would want them to talk to me so I could help. And if I saw my kid was very interested in something, I would want to encourage them and make sure they had the tools they needed to explore their interests. I feel like there's something buried deeper in those memories that I can't quite reach right now, but at the very least I probably shouldn't have faced those problems alone. I can't imagine thinking about my young cousins struggling like that, it's really disturbing to fathom.

Kids get direction from healthy parents. You are asking yourself good questions. Keep listening to yourself. Also, really good that your recognized that you were in a flashback. Sometimes that is half the battle.

[Armadillo]

Hugs to you GoblinChild! I wish someone had been there watching cheering you on, and helping you with your hobbies. I've had that experience where my reactions make no sense so I  think * is wrong with me I'm very flawed and am so much happier now that I am starting to be able to draw a connection between what I'm struggling with and seeing that it's actually from the past, not the present. I hope you can find the answer eventually. I know for me understanding what's happening and why is crucial to me feeling ok. In the meantime I hope you can slowly make friends with your sewing project!