Reaching out for a hand today

[Armadillo]

Hi. I think this is a big act of non judgmental kindness to myself to ask for some support because it's not that bad and nothing happened. But I often have trouble shaking myself from the slightly disturbed dream state to functioning human. It's now 915 am where I am. I have showered, gotten dressed, put on makeup, made breakfast and lunch for kids, drove them to school which takes more than an hour and now need to settle in to work but my brain is still stuck in that subconscious sleep realm or something.

It happens a lot but this morning is worse than usual. After I had already mostly woken up I had a dream of being sexually assaulted picking up my daughter from daycare (she is not in daycare and I was never assaulted by a stranger). It was so visceral though and I was already mostly awake while I had the dream. Like he was digging his fingers into my rib cage and it felt so so real that I thought while it was happening that my daughter who had climbed into bed with me last night must have her elbow dug into me. But the only part of her touching me was her foot lightly on mine. Anyway that and another recurring dream and I can't snap into present.

I guess I know I need to snap myself out of it maybe by watering the yard before starting work. But I just feel like with having been up and going for 2+ hours I should be snapped out of it already. 

Any suggestions?

[Kizzie]

Maybe it would help to be 'gently curious' about the dream and write a bit about what it might mean, here or in private?    It sounds like it could be lingering because part of you wants/needs to look at what it's saying, perhaps not all at once, but in small doses.

[Not Alone]

Sometimes for me, having to deal with people helps me to come out of that dream state, but not always. I have experienced that too. Sometimes just the vulnerability of sleep stays with me long after waking. Intense dreams are very difficult to come into the present. Your dream sounds really disturbing. I'm glad you are reaching out for support. Be kind to yourself.

[Jazzy]

Great job reaching out for support, that's really difficult to do! I hope it was helpful for you, and something you can do again when needed.

I'm really surprised at your post though... What you're describing sounds horrible! Of course you are having difficulty functioning normally in the aftermath of this experience. It is certainly bad, and something did happen! I know what you mean that what you dreamed didn't physically happen, and I don't want to get too technical in this post, but what happens in a person's mind is very much their reality. I've had night terrors most of my life and that kind of mental pain is just as traumatic, if not more so, than physical pain. I'd like to encourage you to be a little more compassionate with yourself in this kind of situation, and realize that it is very important. I don't mean to judge you; my hope is that you will be able to feel and function better by giving this more time and attention.

Good job getting necessary things done, like taking care of your kids... but maybe you can take a day, or half day or something off of work? Night terrors like this are really difficult, and demand attention (which is why you can't "settle"), and I've always found it best to give them the attention they need. I know recurring dreams are challenging too. While not always as acute, that chronic impact is also something that shouldn't be ignored. I agree with Kizzie, I think it would be good to be 'gently curious', and maybe write or draw something out related to your dreams. Really, any kind of therapeutic exercise like that (maybe just even talking about them with someone), which will help you process them. Hopefully this will help in the long term, and after you've processed everything, your mind won't feel the need to experience those dreams any longer.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across a little stern, or bossy. I'm just feeling a lot, and I really don't want you to keep suffering from this kind of thing. Like I said, I've had terrors most of my life, and it's horrible. I really hope you can get this all resolved, and start feeling better. Good job again reaching out and posting about this!

[Armadillo]

Jazzy,

Thank you for that. I have a um nearly impossible time being compassionate toward myself. What you wrote is exactly what I need to hear and it is not stern or bossy but very kind. And I also need to realise that when I am unkind and critical of myself here that can also be unkind to others struggling with the same thing. Thank you!

[Jazzy]

You're welcome!

I understand these things are difficult. It may seem impossible for you to be compassionate towards yourself, but you have already shown improvement by making this post in the first place. Keep up the good work!

if you would like.