Finding Work

[HomerJ]

Hi, I am in my early thirties and have never had a proper job. I experienced frequent abuse when I was younger for a long period of time, and I discovered Pete Walkers book last year and I found I related to most things he wrote about in some way.  I somehow got through school (I guess I'm okay if I am doing something for someone) but when I got to university and I didn't magically turn into a different person I struggled and dropped out because I had no motivation.

I slowly have learned to look after myself in healthier ways, and in the last year I have completed 3 courses, one of which allows me to become self-employed and another that was in customer service. But now that I have to either find work I am terrified, I have a very poor self image - if someone offered me a job I'm confident I could function within it, but actively looking for work is scary to me to the point where I have never done it, I was struggling financially last year and got an interview for a supermarket but I couldn't do the video interview.

Does anyone have any advice?

[Armadillo]

Well, rather than advice, a lot of empathy for starters.

It sounds like you've been struggling for a long time and that it is having an enormous impact on your life. And huge congratulations for getting to the point of being able to complete a few classes and START a job application process. Those are big successes, even if it feels more like a failure right now. Later you'll look back and see what a big step that really was.

It does not sound like you are in therapy, though. And that makes me feel concerned for you, and sad, given how much your symptoms are impacting your activities of daily living (not being able to attend school or interview for jobs).

You asked for advice so here it is: find a way to access therapy. Many countries will have some system for helping you get some limited treatment. Start by calling a national helpline for mental health to find out what's available. Second piece of advice is to try to find a next positive step you can take toward your goal of obtaining a job. Maybe that looks like applying for a job that is less visible than at a grocery store or maybe that is practicing video interviews with a friend or someone safe feeling over and over and over until it feels not so scary.

I'm sure others will have better advice. I have not had the same symptoms as you around school and work, but I am certain others have and could speak more from experience.

Although maybe it doesn't feel like it, you are making big progress already.

[HomerJ]

Thank you, your words mean a lot. I have been in therapy on and off for 8 years. I stopped going in the middle of last year because it was expensive and I was doing well at the time - I cycle through 'everything is going to be great' to 'everything is terrible' but less so now and I am more aware of it

We never really focused on the day to day stuff as I found ways to cope, I have a good group of friends and I have had income during that time working from home. I got into that work as a way to hide really - sorry if I am being vague but I would be too easily identifiable if someone read this and not all of my friends know.  Anyway, that was the best option available to me at the time, but now I can try and make healthier choices and find stable income - I agree it would be a good time to revisit therapy to help me through that process.

I know I am making big progress, I just feel stuck because the next step feels like a big leap. I don't fully understand what the problem is - honestly, I have been rejected a lot in my life and I am scared of it but once it actually happens usually I feel relief because I expect it to happen. I think trying to break it down into smaller chunks and trying to make small steps like practicing video interviews will be helpful to me.

[Rainydaze]

I know I am making big progress, I just feel stuck because the next step feels like a big leap. I don't fully understand what the problem is - honestly, I have been rejected a lot in my life and I am scared of it but once it actually happens usually I feel relief because I expect it to happen. I think trying to break it down into smaller chunks and trying to make small steps like practicing video interviews will be helpful to me.

That sounds like a really sensible thing to do, lots of practice so that you know what to expect and can generate some stock answers to interview questions. It sounds like you might have some anticipatory anxiety, where you become avoidant of certain situations because the discomfort you feel when you think of them feels overwhelming and encourages you to think that the worst might happen. I think you're probably far more capable than you realise and often things like interviews are nowhere near as bad as our minds build them up to be.

I totally relate and sympathise though because it does feel horrible. I also struggled at university and dropped out after three months because I just felt lost and overwhelmed. I'd gone into it with the similar mindset that I'd magically turn into a different person, but C-PTSD wasn't on my radar back then and knowing what I know now it's no surprise it was a huge struggle and that I didn't just 'come out of my shell' the way that other young people might have done.

I think it helps to have the mindset of continuing to move forward, however small the steps might be. I've found CBT to be really helpful in understanding what is happening in my brain when I start to feel anxious in certain situations and a lot of the practical techniques can be really helpful. Maybe this might be a useful thing to look into.

[Blueberry]

Hello HomerJ and welcome to the forum 

I don't have any advice really. Just wanted to say I can relate so much. The best I can do work-wise is P/T self-employed, though that's not for everybody and in some ways very difficult for me, but for many reasons including anxiety I haven't been able to complete a proper job application for about 10 years. I did manage with difficulty after graduating from university but I was just very lucky - right place, right time - to get my first job after about 3 applications. I collapsed due to constant triggering of childhood abuse during the first 3 years there. I'm over 50 now ...

It does get better! A certain amount of recovery is possible. How much depends on a whole bunch of factors I guess.

You're certainly not alone on OOTS with problems in the wide field of employment. Good luck.