*TW* Found out something about my uncle...

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CactusFlower

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*TW* Found out something about my uncle...
« on: May 15, 2021, 09:52:41 PM »
My maternal cousin, the only blood relative I talk to, let me know that he saw his dad the other day (my maternal uncle) in hospice. The man is super old and fading. But I also found out (never had much contact with them) he is/was a pedophile and even had some accusations made that never stuck. (He was a school principal most of his life). Not having much contact throughout my life, I feel... strange. Like, weirded out, but at the same time, strangely unsurprised. I'm dealing with all my own trauma from my male parental unit, and it's just freaky to find out another male relative was also a monster in secret and I never knew. And also so sad my cousin and I have these things in common.

EDITED: I found out it was an elementary school system he worked in, not high school. ugh, even worse.)
« Last Edit: May 18, 2021, 04:30:29 PM by CactusFlower »

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Armadillo

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Re: *TW* Found out something about my uncle...
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2021, 01:49:34 AM »
That's really hard news to find out about, CactusFlower especially with your personal history. I'm sorry both you and your cousin have this in common and hope that you find support in each other if it is what is helpful.

It's weird finding out disturbing things about our relatives. I don't know about you but I often have a mixed reaction like on the one hand proud for being ok despite and on the other hand feeling just less than and like I deserve some other life?
« Last Edit: May 16, 2021, 02:02:32 AM by Armadillo »

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CactusFlower

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Re: *TW* Found out something about my uncle...
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2021, 04:29:37 PM »
Yeah, the mixed reaction is probably why I feel strange about it.  Like... There's a sense of "whew, I escaped that, guess it was a good thing we were never close and very rarely visited", and then there's the "Well christmas crackers, how many people in my life were messed up and I didn't know it? How many might have affected me?"  It's a weird dichotomy. it also just sadly shows how prevalent this stuff is and how little you can know someone from the outside, even in a family.

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smo

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Re: *TW* Found out something about my uncle...
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2021, 08:44:00 PM »
ugh i am SO sorry that sounds like a really awful thing to process. so easy for families to cover up their people even when they're not good people. i hope you're taking good care