"Spiritual Healing" and Abuse TW reiki/energy healing/cult? abuse

[Eidolon]

My mom thought of herself as a long-distance energy healer and reiki master. One night, while she was inebriated, she started talking about energy and started "pushing" hers into mine while I was trying to sleep. I remember distinctly her saying "your little heart's beating so fast." I know she was messing with my chakras now, but I had no idea what she was doing back then. I started having weird dreams and slept in a dog bed instead at one point, and she told me "I know what you were dreaming about" as soon as I woke up. I still have no idea what she was talking about. I know she pushed energy into my ovary and it hurts to think about it, she was into reincarnation.

Just kind of hurt and confused about it. I never really told anyone because I didn't know how to. I thought they'd write me off or call me crazy, but some days there are parts of my body that really hurt from remembering what she did. She would tell me we would have to hunt for our own food; that the government was going to kill us. As far as I'm aware, I was the only person she told about her end of the world theories. She was against vaccinations. I never considered it cult abuse until recently, I guess she was trying to get me to parrot off her beliefs as my own.

I hope this makes sense. I'm just getting back into meditation and some things do not feel right at all about what she did.

[goblinchild]

I had similar experiences growing up, and I feel you.

When I was younger, the idea that someone could just not like my emotional reactions and energetically invade my privacy to read my emotions, which imo is kind of an intimate invasion of privacy, and then force their own energy on me, when it was unwanted, and if they were truly and empath or even a normal human with the ability to understand body language they would know I Did Not Want That. (and didn't agree to it either) And they did it specifically because something about me made them uncomfortable.
(TW sexual abuse) Like, it sounds rape-y because it is rape-y. I was supposed to understand that some people just "naturally" invaded others privacy (were empaths) and were "helping" by forcing themselves on others who didn't consent or agree or ask.

You could take that sentence and apply it to rape. You could apply it to medical trauma. You could apply it to cult abuse. You could apply it to a lot of abusive things because it's abusive. It leaves you with messed up boundaries and self-concepts. I leaves you more susceptible to new kinds of abuse. It teaches you things about consent. And it teaches you to put others who don't care about hurting you or making you uncomfortable above your own needs and feelings, not just because they're special or anointed but because hurting you makes them feel special and annointed.

I hope I didn't go too extreme with this, I have a hard time with this sort of thing. I'm glad you're getting back into meditation and seeing that things aren't supposed to be like your mother did them though.

[Eidolon]

I had similar experiences growing up, and I feel you.

When I was younger, the idea that someone could just not like my emotional reactions and energetically invade my privacy to read my emotions, which imo is kind of an intimate invasion of privacy, and then force their own energy on me, when it was unwanted, and if they were truly and empath or even a normal human with the ability to understand body language they would know I Did Not Want That. (and didn't agree to it either) And they did it specifically because something about me made them uncomfortable.
(TW sexual abuse) Like, it sounds rape-y because it is rape-y. I was supposed to understand that some people just "naturally" invaded others privacy (were empaths) and were "helping" by forcing themselves on others who didn't consent or agree or ask.

You could take that sentence and apply it to rape. You could apply it to medical trauma. You could apply it to cult abuse. You could apply it to a lot of abusive things because it's abusive. It leaves you with messed up boundaries and self-concepts. I leaves you more susceptible to new kinds of abuse. It teaches you things about consent. And it teaches you to put others who don't care about hurting you or making you uncomfortable above your own needs and feelings, not just because they're special or anointed but because hurting you makes them feel special and annointed.

I hope I didn't go too extreme with this, I have a hard time with this sort of thing. I'm glad you're getting back into meditation and seeing that things aren't supposed to be like your mother did them though.

Hi Goblinchild,
Our experiences seem similar! That's about what happened to me, I know I didn't want it and there's this part of me that wonders if things would've been different if it hadn't happened. I never asked for it, I didn't even know what was going on until she told me she *TW* "knew what I was dreaming about." I don't know if she did or not, there were little ways she'd find her way into my head and mess with me. The moment I had *TW* my first period, she went and told her boyfriend, who did nothing about it. I'm still sad about it. A large part of me is just hurt, and confused, and distrustful even of myself. There are times where it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I've never been able to disclose it to anyone until recently and the whole thing feels gross. Empath or not, "energy healer" or not, I didn't deserve or want that.

I had no idea how to assert myself at that age and still struggle with boundaries as a result. I appreciate you sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone and like I have space to heal.

[Jazzy]

I'm so sorry you were treated this way Eidolon. Though the details are different, I have endured religious abuse myself.

I never considered it cult abuse until recently, I guess she was trying to get me to parrot off her beliefs as my own.

I hope this makes sense. I'm just getting back into meditation and some things do not feel right at all about what she did.

I fully and absolutely agree with you, and I am glad you are seeing things more clearly now. It does make sense. It should not feel right, as it is horribly abusive and traumatic. I am very angry towards your mother on your behalf.



<3 Jazzy