Triggered today by 'in-laws'

[Hope67]

I've had a difficult afternoon - had to set a boundary with an in-law, and couldn't do this without descending into being triggered and ended up crying infront of the person.  Didn't go so well, as I then couldn't really explain myself, as my brain was going off-line and I was triggered and dissociated.  Went to the toilet to try to get some time to get myself together.

Tried to give some explanation when came back, but couldn't really make it make any sense, and I think I might have made it worse.

Feel completely drained now.  Feel massively triggered by 'family' issues in relation to 'in-laws' - feel annoyed that this is the situation.

Wanted to write it somewhere - away from my journal, as I don't want to have this memory in that space. 

I think I have a right to have some boundaries, and to have my own wishes listened to.

I've been comfort eating since it happened, and at the time I felt like I wanted to eat something 'massive'.   

What I also notice is the 'push' 'pull' nature of relationships - i.e. my attachment issues being such that I crave the closeness but then fear it massively and back away.  But I wanted to give myself a boundary, as I felt the person had crossed it - and wasn't taking my feelings into account - taking me for granted.  I didn't want to feel that way.

Hope 

[Blueberry]

Sending support and 

Of course you have a right to have boundaries and to have your wishes listened to!!

I'm sorry you got triggered while setting the boundary but  for setting the boundary at all. ime next time it'll be a little easier and less triggering. My brain goes off-line too in that kind of situation so I empathise.

I see you feel annoyed. I think there was a time when you couldn't feel annoyed or if you did you maybe couldn't write it down, but now you have Sounds like progress to me.

I hope you start to feel less triggered. 

[Hope67]

Hi Blueberry,
Thank you so much 

I think you're right that it was good for me to feel the 'annoyed' feeling - I did definitely feel that!  I wouldn't have a) come here to write about such a feeling or b) even have probably felt/noticed it in the past, so I think both of those things are progress.

I was triggered by this situation for most of today - but in the end I resorted to some things that Janina Fisher had mentioned that would be helpful for 'unblending' with parts, and once I did that, I was able to feel as if I'd unblended, and then I felt as if I had over-reacted to the original situation, but I think that I am ok about asserting my boundary.  I need to have a plan about how to handle the next time I see this person, which is likely to be next weekend.

Time to consider it though, between now and then, but what I don't want to happen is for me to end up worrying about the situation in the intervening time - I have other things I need to prioritise and so I hope to focus on those things.

Hope 

[rainydiary]

Hope, I appreciate you sharing your experience.  I had a similar triggering experience at work where I cried as I tried to set boundaries and was dismissed.  I don't like that I struggle so much with relationships because they are everywhere and I get no relief.  I support you in your journey with boundaries.