Question that came to my mind from reading a book

[Hope67]

I am reading a book by Roxane Gay called 'Hunger'.
In her book on p.63 she says this:

"Eventually, I was assigned to a woman counselor and she gave me a copy of The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.  At first, I hated the book because it included a "workbook" as well as cheesy exercises I couldn't possibly take seriously.  The language was too flowery and full of affirmations that also made me distrustful."

Roxane goes on to say "Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited, but at that time, when I was so scared and shattered The Courage to Heal gave me a vocabulary for what I had been through.  I needed that book as much as I hated it for all the infantile exercises it encouraged."

********
I have read that book myself - and I didn't feel the same way.  I found it was helpful to me.  But what concerns me is that Roxane said 'Many of the theories that book espouses have now been discredited" and that concerns me, as I would like to read something that is going to be 'up to date' and not 'discredited' - I find it hard to read about CSA in a meaningful way - I know that parts of me won't take it in and process it properly, but I do sometimes try to read things.  I definitely remember finding the book to be helpful, and I bought myself a copy of it for that reason.  I mean to re-read it - but, I wonder what people think - who've read it, and whether there's any other books that they think might be more helpful?

Or any comments on what Roxane might mean by 'theories being discredited'...?

Anyway, I wanted to ask that question here.

Hope 

[Hope67]

I realise this is a difficult thing to comment on, because essentially I was wondering what was in Roxane's mind, and unless I ask her directly somehow, I will never know the answer to that.

I also thought about this subsequently and thought that really every person is different, and our thoughts, our feelings, our reactions, there's so much that is different.  I also think that depending on what parts of myself are more active on a particular day, then I would feel differently about a same sentence.

I also know that I find reading books about CSA is difficult for me, so maybe I projected things onto... oh no, got to go - I'll leave this here. 

[snailspace]

Hi Hope
This link might help explain why the book The Courage to Heal is controversial.  It was written at a time (1988) when certain ideas were sweeping USA and certainly UK - recovered/false memories.  Unfortunately my NM cottoned on to these ideas and did a lot of damage.
However I think if it was helpful to you at the time then that is all that matters.

https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/dissociativeliving/2011/03/why-the-courage-to-heal-isnt-on-my-recommended-reading-list

[Hope67]

Hi Snailspace,
Thank you for this link.  I have read some of it, and am finding the discussion posts interesting.  I appreciate you finding that link.  I have read different books in the past, and I find the subject over-whelming, especially as all my parts have different feelings and thoughts about things. 
Hope 

[Not Alone]

I did not read The Courage to Heal. I can see where Gay's comments would be disturbing. The good that you got from Courage is legitimate. Changes/shifts/growth in yourself are meaningful, no matter what the source of inspiration.

I also think that depending on what parts of myself are more active on a particular day, then I would feel differently about a same sentence.

I have not finished reading too many therapy books because I find those too triggering. Even the ones that I have finished reading, I find parts of the book to be disturbing. Some of my interpretation of what I read is influenced by my trauma &/or by the Part that is reading at that time.

[woodsgnome]

This is a very useful thread for the many who seek out the 'impossible' answers to 'whatever happened to us?' via "expert" opinions of all sorts.

I've found it helps to have a mental muscle I call discernment. It's hardly perfect either -- what can be in these vague, grey, confused mental maps? It's a dicey subject area that stirs up too much agony, grief, and anger -- we'd rather not venture into, but are just too curious not to take some peeks into the multi-sourced books (and videos, courses, etc.) flying around; about something so intensely personal; yet needing discussion (as we know, there are very few who can adequately talk about it or even acknowledge it).

I too have a pile of these reads. Some hit me with meaningful insights, others not so much, and some were on the edge of offensive and hurtful. Yet I waded through them, desperate that there must be something I can take away that will help. And yet, sometimes the 'answer' is a dull thud and I feel as lost as ever.

I mentioned discernment as a tool. How'd I come upon that? Sadly, it's a huge part of my survival when young and ever since -- so much never made sense and I took to trusting my 'gut' instinct about the things I'd come across. No magic formula, not always even common sense (again, what's common in this tangled mess called cptsd?) Yet without it, even though I developed it as a reaction to multiple traumas from multiple people, I've been able to learn what my heart says and go from there. Again -- not perfect, but it's a starting point, and the heart seemed safer, even if it felt badly hurt in the process.

Of course, this will probably work different for all of us. The "expert" writers I end up trusting -- wholly or partially -- are those I can sense have more than only head knowledge -- e.g. Pete Walker, Carolyn Spring, and others. Some of the 'big' names just don't seem to be able to discard the image they'd like to project over the substance. Just being emotional, though, also doesn't cut it; show me some ability to apply other smarts helps.

And, per usual, it's exhausting to cover all the bases here. I think it's wonderful to at least have these choices, then find how we discern the messages, and apply them in our own books -- our lives.

Thank you for this thread, and for glancing through my comments as well.

[TreseO]

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk MD covers every aspect of trauma. It isn't a 'self-help' book but draws on his years of listening to trauma survivors. He explains the complex relationship our mind has on trauma, how it changes those parts of our brain that holds memory, emotions, our sense of self and how we react and interact with those around us. His words, "It takes tremendous energy to keep functioning while carrying the memory of terror, and the shame of utter weakness and vulnerability" felt like a warm welcome of validation. His hour long lectures can be found on YouTube.

[Hope67]

Some of my interpretation of what I read is influenced by my trauma &/or by the Part that is reading at that time.

Hi Notalone,
I relate to what you wrote here very much.  I find the same thing.

Hi Woodsgnome,
Your mention of the mental muscle that you call 'discernment' is sensible.   I also like what you said about using that discernment as a tool, and trusting your 'gut' instinct about things.  I'm glad that your heart seemed safer, even though it felt badly hurt in the process.  Sending you a hug 

Hi TreseO,
Thank you.  I have read 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel Van Der Kolk - I found it helpful.    I haven't seen his lectures - but I'll hope to look out for them on YouTube.  Thank you.

Hope 

[LearningToLive]

Trese0 - I am reading that book now (The Body Keeps Score) but can only do it in doses. Although he covers various causes of PTSD, it can be triggering in general for me. But what a great book with a lot of good information.

I did start The Courage to Heal back in my 20's on my own (I was in therapy, and trying to heal from SA/EA/Neglect). I found it helpful too. I never did finish as I could only do pieces at a time.