Jazzy's Journal: Omega

Started by Jazzy, June 02, 2021, 11:00:45 PM

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CactusFlower

That necklace is lovely! The tree of life was a symbol of strength and wisdom to the ancient Celts, may it grant you the same. :)

It sounds like the game is a good way to remember your friend. It's fascinating how we can connect with good memories using so many different things these days. (I'm not doing any RPGs currently, but I lost many an hour to Skyrim and Fallout4) My BFF likes driving, so we occasionally do road trips to just see new things that day. (last one was the Billy the Kid museum!) I bought two little Lego figures that kinda resemble us, and we now take pictures on our trips of the little figures in that place as a memento. It's the little things that can mean so much.

Glad you're getting good recommendations about food. At least vegetarianism/veganism is really flexible and substitutions can make it one or the other. I think the best pre-made substance I've ever tried is Quorn. I don't know how, but those are the exact texture of chicken nuggets, LOL. I wish you luck on all the fun new food experimentation and discoveries you'll have!

Jazzy

#196
Thank you Armadillo,

It sounds like digging out your own necklace would be a good idea, assuming that is what you would like to do. I’m glad it is deeply meaningful to you, I hope you can find meaning in it again even if it is just in memory.

I’m not really sure what the necklace has meant to me. I haven’t thought about it much. It just feels very important to me to be able to express myself, especially with jewelry.

Thank you, I am feeling better and I’m sure I will continue to improve. I go back to my doctor whenever the tests are done. I need to make some appointments as well as arrange travel details. I don’t know how long it will take; perhaps a couple of weeks.

Thank you for understanding the importance of caring about the children. I believe it’s so important to me because I was not cared for well as a child. It is especially emotional to see the children at the park with their mothers, as mine rarely, if ever, took me to the park. I also missed out on playing with the other children in the playground at school.

Thank you for your encouragement of how I handle things. I’m sorry to hear how you were forced to eat. That is horribly unacceptable! It is hard to think about you eating toothpaste. Your gagging sounds like your body is trying very hard to tell you how it felt. It is terrible that your parents never acknowledged such a clear sign. I’m so sorry you were treated this way.

I understand being hesitant to write this much about yourself in someone else’s journal, but it is not too much for me. This is very important and I’m glad you’re sharing.

Thank you for saying I’m not alone, I appreciate the connection. You are right, it is about much more than preference. I’m sure my sister will understand, so long as I explain it well.

I’m encouraged that you I like what I said about choice. You are right, motivation is important too!

I’m struggling to come up with a good response to your last paragraph about motivation. The idea of being motivated by terror does not sound good to me, but I’m glad you found a positive in it. I’m relieved and happy that you are more healed now and have a healthier motivation. I hope it continues to improve.

<3 Jazzy

Jazzy

#197
Thank you Sage!

I think the game is good to help her remember my friend, as well as some other things for me. I quite enjoy Skyrim as well; I play it off and on still.

It’s great that you and your friend take road trips! The museum sounds fun, and the figures feel very happy. The pictures are great too; the little things really are big things! I’m glad you have that in your life, and I hope I can find something similar for myself.

Me too! I appreciate the flexibility of vegetarianism, which I also find in making my own foods. It really helps me to give my body exactly what it wants, while reducing things I don't want like refined sugar. I haven’t tried Quorn yet, but I will certainly look into it. Thank you for your good wishes and information.

All the best to you!
<3 Jazzy

Jazzy

I'm very encouraged with my resting heart rate this evening!

Tonight it is at 73 BPM. When I mentioned it the other day it was in the high 80s. Last year it was over 100, which I believe is dangerous.

I'd still like to see it improve, but I am very happy with the progress I've made so far!  Yeah buddy!  ;D

Armadillo

I just want to send a  :hug: along to you, <3 Jazzy for the deep pain of missing your best friend and wanting her to be here still to see your progress, and maybe be inspired by it, maybe even enough to change what happened. I wish that were possible for you. She'd be happy for you.  :hug:

Libby183

Hello Jazzy.

Just wanted to say hello after catching up with your journal, after a few days.

I love the way that you are so focused on, and involved with your healing process. Whether it's dealing with your pain and posture, your diet, your cat, your neighbours. I really take a great lesson from your approach, and am managing to put it into practice in my own life. It's definitely working, and I thank you so much for that.

You're inspiring!

Jazzy

Hello Libby!   :wave:

Wow, thank you so much for this kind and encouraging message!  :hug:

Thank you for catching up on my journal as well. I know there is a lot in it, so I appreciate when it is read. :)

I'm glad that you are finding my approach positive and helpful. While it is great that you are taking action to improve your own life based on how I operate, I hope you are choosing to do what is best for yourself. I find this to be very important in my own recovery. :)

Quote from: Libby183You're inspiring!
These two words in particular are very encouraging and impactful to me. They are simple, yet so powerful, as I find many things to be. :thumbup:

<3 Jazzy

Jazzy

Thank you for your hugs and words, Armadillo; they mean so much to me!  :hug:

<3 Jazzy

Jazzy

It is so difficult to look at myself in the mirror, but at least now I know why.

I am so frail and crippled due to the neglect and abuse throughout my entire life. My forearms especially are tiny for a man of my height.

As challenging as this is, I'm glad I understand it, because now I can change it.

Jazzy

Earlier today I was going through some pictures I have taken recently, and this one really stood out to me.  :)


rainydiary

I really like that photo.  Thanks for sharing it.

Jazzy

Thank you Rainydiary!

I am quite pleased with the technicalities of the photo. I think I have done well to learn the things my B#2 has taught me about photography.

I am pleased with your response as well. It is notably warmer than my father's.  :hug:

<3 Jazzy

Jazzy

This weekend I wrote a particularly challenging e-mail. I did my best to be firm and clear, yet not rude. That was especially challenging for me given some of the feedback I've received recently.

I did not plan, or even realize this, but the e-mail system I use has a "virtual writing coach" included in the software, when I use it through the web-browser instead of the e-mail client. The writing coach helped me, but only made one drastic change.

At one point I wrote the phrase "in my opinion", which was immediately crossed out. I was shocked! I hovered my mouse cursor over the icon to find out what was so bad about this phrase. The simple explanation said: "empty words".

I felt attacked! My opinion is empty words?! Then I realized that is not what it said. It said the phrase "in my opinion" is empty. I paused to think about that, and now I understand. Everything I say and write is, by default, my opinion. If I believe it is anything more than my opinion, I need to back up that claim with evidence. Stating that my opinion is my opinion, is redundant at best.

I found this to be very powerful and encouraging! I'm pleased with how my confidence has grown. This coaching tells me I am on the right track, and have more growing yet to do! :)

CactusFlower

Glad you were able to write the email! I agree that the writing coach program seems to have worded that a bit abruptly, but I get what it meant. As a writer, the editing part is always having to pare down things that don't actually contribute to the sentence. But you totally got the redundancy issue! (some people never do in their writing, ha ha) Still, it's pretty cool that you have access to a tool like that. At least it's not Microsoft's paperclip. (oh gods, did I just date myself? :) )

Jazzy

#209
Thank you Sage!

Your reply here is very affirming and encouraging, which I really appreciate! It means a lot to me to have you notice my improvement!

Yes, my writing is very wordy. I'm sure it does not all contribute in the most efficient way. I am learning though. :)

I'm not going to turn this in to a sales pitch, but it is very nice to have access to that tool, among many others. It is extremely affordable as well, which is necessary for me right now. I'm very happy about that and have planned to look closer in to getting the most out of these tools which I pay for.

I chuckled reading about Microsoft's paperclip. I remember those days! I think it is really nice how animated it was. It felt like it was really trying to help. I know a lot of people really don't like it, but I do! I looked it up and his name is Clippy. :)

<3 Jazzy