Question for commitment-experienced friends on OOTS

[hypervigilante]

Hello Community!

This is my first posted question. Woah!

Those who have experienced/are experiencing marriage, domestic partnerships, or long-term very symbolic unions/commitments:



Relationships- does it get better? 



I am working so hard on my recovery and I'm with a securely attached man I truly want to spend the rest of my life with.  He's survived a lot and still reaches out to me when I confusingly push/pull.  With my extreme gratitude, he has only been understanding instead of finding it overwhelming.  Yet I still have my triggers and I can be very convincing if my protective instincts want to see him as a threat just for being associated with a historical triggers.

I never could picture myself getting married, ever.  It wasn't sad as much as it felt factual.  And now I really am dreaming up this place where I could love someone forever and trust that they love me back.

Is this achievable? Is anyone close? Have I been imaging some figurative "Eden" that doesn't exist?  Or is it more like something you get better at over time, but it never goes away?

Or for those who have experienced divorce/dissolution; how do people recover from that level of expectation being scratched? ... Do they?

I'm so long-winded, and I even EDITED this message! Thanks for making it this far.