Hello everyone :) ( triggerwarning!)

[Bodhi_§]

 Hello everyone

It's so nice to have found this community of OOTS. I felt so alone until now. I am a survivor of an narcist father who was an alcoholic and a raging violent maniac when he was drunk and under the influence of medication and steroids. He was a brilliant doctor and was very violent to his first family and the second one also. He recently died of glioblastoma type 4, a very agressive braincancer and now I am finally starting to grieve about my childhood, teenage and young adolesence. My mother is bipolar and has been a toxicomaniac as long as I can remember. She has had numerous suicide attempts  and of course they were all subliminal linked to me obviously. She also is a respected radiologist and bloodvesselsurgeon. She on the other hand was very passive agressive and obscenely obsessed with me, as I was more her lifepartner than her son.

I was raised in drama daily. Since february I started Trauma therapy and I have been diagnosed with severe CPTSD. My therapist says that I have been abused verbally, emotionally, physically and that I am blocking out the sexual abuse, because it's just too much.

It's a lot to take in, even for me writing this down and sharing this with the community. I've been bullied, until I started to fight back of course, but the thing that kills me the most is the meticulously horrendous emotional neglect and abuse that I've experienced from the womb untill now.

I am currently living in a grouphome that upholds sobriety and working hard at sorting CPTSD out.

I am sorry if I have triggered anyone with my introduction. This is just the tip of my CPTSD Iceberg.

Much love to you all and thank you for the OOTS website and community. 

[zanzoken]

Welcome, Bodhi_§.  I am glad you found your way here to this community.  I have only been here a short time myself but everyone here is so supportive and just wants to help each other.  I'm so sorry to hear about the pain of your upbringing and I respect and appreciate the courage you've shown in sharing some of it with us.

I will say, it sounds like you've found a safe place to live and also a therapist who is trauma-aware.  To me that feels very hopeful, so I hope it does for you too.  Relational trauma is awful but I believe healing and renewal are possible for each and every one of us.

Once again, glad you are here with us and hoping for the best for you in your continued recovery. 

[Bodhi_§]

Hello Zanzoken,

Thank you for your reply. It's a new journey of healing for me and I am enjoying this spiritual journey. Thanks you very much. Feels good to be back alive. 

[CactusFlower]

Zanzoken really kind of said it all there, but I agree, you've found an amazingly supportive bunch of people. Welcome and thank you for sharing with us.