Feel Betrayed

[marti.325]

First off, I have to say, I have a really hard time concentrating with all these moving icons above the posting space. Wish they weren't there. I can't read with moving ads either. Gets me angry. I think I've found a way to avoid them. Relief! 

But the reason I'm writing is after some expansion in my life, I feel I am contracting. It may be a normal phase, but it seems to have happened after feeling betrayed. I have been close to someone for quite awhile. We talk on the phone a lot and had a couple of conversations last month where we didn't want to get off the phone. Then after that, I realized I was calling her a LOT more than she was calling me. I pulled back and didn't hear from her for a week. When I did hear, her message didn't acknowledge that we hadn't talked in awhile. We've talked about it some, but then after that conversation, I got to the root of it with myself and came up with betrayal. She acknowledged the "imbalance" in our friendship during our last conversation. I think it's been brewing for awhile except for that patch of time when we didn't want to get off the phone.

I usually have my blinds up all day for light. Today I wanted them down. Not dark, just so I feel protected.

Thanks for listening.

[rainydiary]

Marti, I can relate to having moving things on a page - it is distracting to me too. 

Your post resonates with me.  I've made some friends at work where our relationship began to work as you described here.  It hurt me deeply.  I appreciate your phrasing of contracting after finding expansion. 

In my case, the people I befriended also have their own mental health needs going on.  They most likely also have CPTSD.  In many ways we became friends because we understand the trauma we carry.  But long term it isn't working.  I grieved it for a while and then decided to do what is right for me.  It has meant that I don't have much contact with these folks and sometimes that bugs me. 

I definitely don't have easy answers.  Making friends is so difficult for me as an adult. 

[marti.325]

Hello RainyDiary. Thanks for your reply. I haven't been on for awhile. It's good to have "company" in this. Yes, making friends is so difficult. I'm working on having an Inner Friend. I came up with that this morning. It's really talking and paying attention to my Inner Child. I feel vulnerable today and am staying in even though there are things I could/should do.
Thanks for listening.

[Blueberry]

But the reason I'm writing is after some expansion in my life, I feel I am contracting. It may be a normal phase, but it seems to have happened after feeling betrayed. I have been close to someone for quite awhile. .. She acknowledged the "imbalance" in our friendship during our last conversation. 

Hello marti,
Nice to see you again though I'm sorry it's because you're not feeling too good (as per your September posts).

What you wrote here in July really resonates for me. Two long-term friendships have been falling apart all year. Betrayal is definitely an issue in both (though differently from in your case and from each other) and in one of them an imbalance is there, has always been there. An imbalance of power, though not acknowledged by her. I too feel like I'm contracting, after a long period of expansion. It's tough-going but you're not alone. You help me feel not alone too. ((hugs))

[marti.325]

 

Hello Blueberry!
I'm glad I thought of getting on the forum today to check my postings.
So glad to hear from you and that you can relate. That makes me feel better than anything!
I guess another expansion could be on the way. We'll have to see.