Exploring Shame

[Hope67]

I've been meaning to read a book I have called 'Unshame' by Carolyn Spring - I think that's the name and the author, and I had the book for a while.  But I have found it difficult to start the book. 

Now, I try to find the book, and I can't even find where I've put it.

I'm wondering if there is a part of me that is reluctant for me to look at and explore my shame.  I know I carry shame, and I do feel it sometimes, very heavily.  But I also acknowledge that there's a part of me that tries not to let me feel it, or even look into it.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this now, just to say this.  I hope to find the book.  I hope to read and explore the concept of shame, and explore my own shame.

If anyone has read this book, I'm hoping it was helpful - please do comment if you want to.  I hope to read it - when I finally find it.

I feel exasperated not to even know where to start looking.  It's so hot (weather-wise) at the moment as well. 

Hope 

[Hope67]

Whilst I was in this section of the forum, writing this, I noticed that I'd written this in reply to SharpandBlunt, in another part, and I wanted to quote it here:

I am aware that I have tried to put forward what must seem like a 'shiny' side of myself in many situations in my life, but that underneath I feel as if I'm ashamed and disgusted with myself at many levels - I carry shame and I carry dislike with me - and therefore I wonder how authentic I can be, when carrying those things.  But I try not to show those things to other people, because I am ashamed of them.  So I guess that is feeling 'exposed' but trying to carry on anyway.

You mentioned that in order to survive you have had to develop a large measure of denial - I think that's a protective thing, and I've done that too.

If I find the book I'm seeking about 'Shame' I hope to write more in this thread - if it feels ok to do so, when the time comes, but it was interesting to see what I'd written here about shame and feeling ashamed - as a starting point.

Hope 

[rainydiary]

Hope, I appreciate you bringing up the topic of shame.  It has been on my mind as I've been living in it all summer. 

I haven't heard/read the book you referenced.  The reading I've done on shame has mostly been through Brene Brown. 

I can relate to what you say about feeling a bit stuck in facing shame.  It is a sensitive part within me and it often doesn't take much for me to go there. 

Sometimes reaching out to others has been supportive to me.  Not always though.  I think that there are things just very deep in me that I feel shame for that I haven't found a way to express and thus they stay in the dark. 

I am really working to change my relationship to myself because I think shame ultimately gets me disconnected from myself and thinking I am too flawed. 

[Armee]

I also appreciate you bringing up this difficult topic, Hope. Shame has been a tricky one for me. It's almost like it is protective so when we've tried working on it in therapy it has backfired quite a bit. For instance it triggered some new SH behaviors I had never had before. It's getting better though.

[Gromit]

I found this book as an ebook on Amazon, it was on special offer. I have read it and it is good. She also has a podcast.

G

[Hope67]

Hi Rainydiary, Armee & Gromit,
Thank you for your replies here and comments about Shame.  I want to say more in reply to each of you, but I think I've just caused myself to dissociate a bit by having just written some things in my journal - but I hope to return here sometime and say more - especially as I've been reading the book (having managed to find it) and I have found it incredibly helpful, and also emotive to read it. 

Gromit, I agree that it's a good book - I've also bought some of her courses, which I have found really helpful too - I've not tried her podcast, but I will look out for it.  Thank you.

Hope 

[Gromit]

Gromit, I agree that it's a good book - I've also bought some of her courses, which I have found really helpful too - I've not tried her podcast, but I will look out for it.  Thank you.

Which courses helped? I get emails about all kinds of courses but haven't tried any of the ones you have to buy, I guess I wonder if they are worth it.

G

[Hope67]

Hi Gromit,
I bought the webinar courses when they were on a half-price offer - I think Carolyn Spring does that offer now and again, so would be worth looking out for, as it makes it more affordable.

I like the courses as it means I can listen and watch them again - I found the one about Child Sexual Abuse really helpful, and also one about Dissociation and DID, and I also really found the 'Working with Relational Trauma' one very helpful.  I have discovered that I started doing the 'Working with Shame' one - but haven't finished viewing it - that was some time ago, and so I think maybe I found that one more challenging to work through - but I intend to go back, and view it again and continue with it to the end, particularly now I've just read her book 'Unshame'.

She offers free clips of each course so you can see what's involved, and decide if you think it's for you or not.

Hope