Letter advocating for myself to my counsellor

[Sasha]

I just sent this to the counsellor I've been working with and feel really proud of myself for advocating for myself and my needs. Wanted to share

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Dear XXXX,

I am writing to let you know that I wish to finish our sessions together. As someone who has experience trauma over prolonged periods I am keen to work with a therapy treatment that focuses more specifically on this.

Recently we had a session where you asked me about CPTSD and what it means, and I found this frustrating. At this stage in my journey I am seeking to open up in a space with a practitioner understands more about trauma and it's effects (CPTSD / PTSD) than I do, so that I can learn more about this from them. It was very hard to stop working with [Previous therapist ] as she seemed to have a strong understanding of this. I did re-specify to [Service] this before we were introduced, and therefore I am sorry if you were put in a position where maybe you did not know how specific I had been in requesting this.

In case it helps to explain more, the effect of experiencing trauma in my early and adult life has been relentless and exhausting and as I seek healing I feel I have no more energy to explain or justify this. My main aim at this point is to work only with trauma-centred therapies so that I can get to the heart of how toast adverse experiences unfortunately continue to manifest in my present life as flashbacks, negative mental health and physical symptoms, resulting in very 'bad' days and sometimes weeks on end where I struggle to operate at a functional level. 

There is a free service in XXXX that provides EMDR therapy and I have self-referred to this, with a phone assessment on Monday. I am uncertain of the waiting time for treatment to start, that is if I am accepted.

If you would like to have one or two final sessions together to discuss any of this and to say farewell I would like that as I have enjoyed meeting and working with you, and find you a lovely person to open up to and explore with.

Best wishes

[sanmagic7]

well done, sasha   i hope by now you have found an emdr therapist and your sessions have been helpful.  i am an emdr T myself, and have also been working with one for nearly 2 years.  she has been wonderful at listening to me, hearing my needs and wants re: what goes on in a session, and supporting me every step of the way.  this is the first t in over 30 yrs. who has done so, but it was worth the wait.

good luck with this - i only wish the best for you.  i found your letter to be insightful and solid.  love and hugs   

[BeeKeeper]

Hi Sasha, 

I noticed the word "advocating" in the subject line, and see this is a couple weeks ago. Hopefully by now, you have had success with your goal of specific trauma-centered therapy, and that your T has supported you and give you those last two sessions to wrap up and say goodbye.

I'm always a cheerleader for people that take initiative for themselves, speak up, particularly WRITE letters, since they frequently become part of your permanent file and your history and ending are not subject to others fallible memory.

Your letter covers all the major points and more:
What you want
Where you've been
What you needed from her
What you didn't get
How you plan to get it

All was said in an emotionally neutral tone, so that no one can be stopped or derailed by reactions to their perceived flavor of your message. No blaming, no fist shaking, no poor me.

From my viewpoint, you're well on your way to designing a life that you want and need. I'm sorry your post didn't get more attention or replies, as I consider this a fundamental and critical piece of the self-care "menu". Keep at it. Congrats for your assertiveness! 

[Kizzie]

Awesome letter Sasha, I hope others  who are with a T they're not happy with read it. 

Did you find another T who does know about CPTSD?

[bluepalm]

Good on you Sasha. Your letter is excellent. Your standing up for yourself and your needs is wonderful.

I have had experience with a therapist, supposedly trauma informed, who was actively harmful to me. She spent half of one session telling me what a delightful childhood she had had! When I sent her an email explaining that I did not want to return to start EMDR with her, she responded with a cruel little comment which confirmed that I was right in cutting that tie. At least you felt your therapist was a lovely person. Anyway, that experience taught me how vigilant I need to be with therapists.

My GP has recently urged me to consult another 'trauma informed' therapist, a man who is much in demand with a long waiting list, and I now have an appointment with him in a few weeks' time. One thing my GP said has raised a red flag for me, given I pay a lot of money to see this man.  My GP felt he may be able to 'learn from me'.  Like you, Sasha, I am not inclined to pay to teach anyone what I know. I want someone who can teach me and help me gain more strategies for coping with the everyday impact of CPTSD. We shall see what happens.

Anyway, your letter and this post is important for me to remember as I proceed. Thank you for posting Sasha.
bluepalm

[Sasha]

Hey everyone. I've been away for a long time. Thank you for your replies. I did find EMDR in the end it was really helpful. It turned out. I had quite a lot of stuff to process from more recent years, interesting that I hadn't piece together how much I've been re-traumatised by a number of key incidents.

Really glad people found me sharing the letter helpful. Since the EMDR, I haven't had counselling or therapy because I thought it had helped that much. I kind of thought I was cured.

I've been out of work for awhile after burning out over and over again, questioning if I might be autistic, as well as have ADHD, I went to a therapist at the beginning of this year for six sessions to see if I could make progress with my questions about my relationship to work and my career and finances.

It was quite shocking on the third session to find myself in pieces about my childhood.  And it's been a really hard few weeks of feeling all of this come back again.

I think I thought there was a point when it could be over. I do feel better and safer in so many ways, I'm just dismayed and tired.

I'm going to look back over my posts  And see who's responded, and also try and find where I was when I was on here. I think it's been three years or so.

[Kizzie]

Welcome back Sasha, I'm so sorry you find yourself dealing with childhood issues once again. It is actually quite common for them to surface again when/if we come under stress. One thing that might be helpful to think about is that our childhoods were traumatic and we don't exactly get over that, instead we learn to manage the symptoms. Part of that, to my mind anyway, is accepting they may settle and then pop up again from time to time. You had three good years and that's amazing. With some additional therapy and talking here you may find you have another period like that. I truly hope that's what happens for you.