Anxiety spiraling

[Wisteria777]

Hi all,

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety spiraling out of control, and could use some support. It doesn't take much to trigger it, but right now it seems to be triggered by my elderly dog's failing health. He has been sundowning, and has gone through periods of lethargy this summer. He's now on gabapentin for possible arthritis and to help calm him at night, but he's clearly not as peppy as he was even a few months ago.

I'm crying a lot, and my heart races during the day, while my mind races at night. My dog HATES the vet, so when the time comes, I'm going to have to basically OD him on Ace before the vet can come into the house (I would be doing this with the vet's guidance). I can't stop ruminating on this, even when my dog is doing relatively OK, which he is right now. Every time I try to talk rationally about it I just start crying.

My husband cares, but he just doesn't get any of my anxiety. He doesn't understand it, and he's not really prepared to deal with it. I'm not in therapy right now, My old therapist no longer takes insurance of any kind, and honestly, I'm not sure she would be the right one for me now. Since I've learned more about CPTSD, I think I need a therapist that specializes in that.

Xanax will stop the heart racing, but I don't want to take it very often. Pot makes me SUPER paranoid. I do tend to drink too much to self medicate.

Would appreciate any advice or just internet hugs! Even typing all this out has made me a little calmer.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry to hear about your dog Wisteria        

Any of us who have had a pet can understand and empathize with what you're going through. It may be that you are preparing for his loss which to my mind is perfectly normal for anyone, but for those of us with CPTSD it's doubly hard because of all the losses we've suffered. I do think posting here is likely to help you get through this better than stuffing it down or trying to deal with it on your own. 

Sending you a group hug and caring support 

[rainydiary]

Wisteria, the experience you shared really resonates with me as I've been caring for a sick pet since June with lots of vet visits and have had an overload of anxiety also. 

I haven't necessarily found a lot that helps - my situation is different than yours in that my cat for now is going to get better from the reasons we've been to the vet.  But she does have kidney disease and I know that will put her in a different place in the future. 

This summer I grieved for her because I thought the kidney disease and current illness were a sign of her systems beginning to shut down.  I grieved because she is one of the only creatures in my life that I find unconditional support from. 

Since then I have tried to enjoy time with her and to find joy with her even if it isn't like it used to be.  During those times I often find myself feeling really sad and will cry.  It's hard to not compare her to her former self. 

I am thinking of you and hope that you are able to find some ease.  I don't have any easy answers only support to offer.

[Wisteria777]

Thank you Kizzie and rainydiary! Your kind words really help! I appreciate it!

[Papa Coco]

Hi Wisteria777,

I'm so very sorry for what you're feeling today. I've had pets my whole adult life. Losing each one was a very emotional time. The pain we feel is because of the love we share with our pets. If we didn't love them, we wouldn't hurt so much when it's their natural time to go. And that love really does carry on after they move forward. I still enjoy a lot of smiles from the wonderful memories of all my dogs. During times like where you are today, I just hug them a lot. I lay on the floor with them and talk to them gently. I focus on how grateful I am to have had this partnership with them during their lives. It seems like dogs are more okay with this than we are. After going through this with a few of my own beloved pets, I somehow got the sense that they seemed to understand the cycle of life better than I did. We humans might be grateful for the love our pets give us over the years but I believe the pets are even more grateful for the love we give to them.

As far as your anxiety goes, I agree with Kizzie, posting and sharing what you're going through with the people here was a great idea. There's a lot of love on this forum. You're not alone.

Hugs to you and your special little friend.

[Wisteria777]

Thank you so much Papa Coco!