"Just" emotional abuse

[keepfighting]

The people who emotionally abused me tried to control me down to the tiniest detail. They rejected or abused my opinions, my looks, the way I walked, the food I liked, the way I worked, simply just everything. My mindset, my habits, even the furniture and the kind of tea I prefer, everything got attacked. The battle ground was everywhere. It's only logical, then, that even tiny things remind me of trauma. After all, even tiny things were pretexts for abuse.

 

This sounds soooo familiar -----

My childhood felt very similar - there was just no winning with these people ever. I was never good enough and I had the wrong gender too (I should have been a boy........).

'Battleground' is a very accurate word to describe my childhood home - only no one ever thought to provide weapons or shelter for me.

On a brighter note: We survived, 'they' didn't break us and our scars are slowly healing. It's good to get rid of physical reminders of the past. I just wish there was a bin to get rid of the diminishing thoughts and emotions that were instilled in us, too.

[schrödinger's cat]

Yes, there should be something like a huge bonfire. I tried visualizations once, mainly out of principle because I didn't want to dismiss it as hippie woolly-mindedness without having proof that it wouldn't work. It worked. Apparently, my subconscious rather enjoys getting to picture itself fighting introjects with rayguns. I had no idea.

[keepfighting]

I tried visualizations once, mainly out of principle because I didn't want to dismiss it as hippie woolly-mindedness without having proof that it wouldn't work. It worked. Apparently, my subconscious rather enjoys getting to picture itself fighting introjects with rayguns. I had no idea.

Priceless! 

[Kizzie]

That daily exposure is so triggering and one reason we moved across the country from my NPDM and B.   

I call it the "death by a thousands cuts" but "slow acid drip" works too.  I can see my M for (very) short periods now (and the last visit I did not have an EF - first time ever!), but no way would I go back to daily contact, I just could not keep up with the 1000 daily cuts and the constant triggering which is a retraumatization you're so right (or your T was) Rain.

I have read McBride's book but that's a great idea about listening to the audio version, especially if she has a loving voice - who among us couldn't use that!? 

[Kizzie]

Just a quick post to let everyone know I added a few resources about EMDR in the "Recovery" and Resources" forums.

[Rain]

Yes, there should be something like a huge bonfire.

Rayguns!   Perfect!!

[Kizzie]

I loved Mr Bill!

And I love the idea of naming our ICr and then having our Inner Child join in in coming up with fun ways of shutting it down.  Wonder if they teach this in T school lol?  If they don't maybe they should -  "Lesson Two; The Snarly Approach to Fostering Self-Protection" 

[globetrotter]

Whoa, keepfighting, my dad told me I should have been a boy, too! And that I was a mistake!
Who says that to a little girl???
How can we love ourselves when something so fundamental as our gender was labeled as wrong?
Grrr...

[Rain]

oh, major abuse ....I missed that!   keepfighting and globetrotter, both of you were told you were supposed to be a boy!     

[schrödinger's cat]

I have named my Inner Critic (introjects) "Snarly" and I visualize him looking like a 12-inch-tall piece of snot. 

That cheered me up a lot. Do you know, somehow I always assumed my Inner Critic is someone very dignified, very important, very much to be taken seriously. It occurs to me now that this isn't realistic. My abusers talked from a very immature place in themselves. So snot it is. Thanks for that mental image.

[bee]

When my T asked if I could picture my inner critic my mind gave me Nellie. The character from Little House on The Prairie. Negative Nellie. I like the ray gun idea. I've changed the image in my head to a cartoon, so shooting it with ray guns and setting her hair on fire doesn't feel wrong.

Do you know, somehow I always assumed my Inner Critic is someone very dignified, very important, very much to be taken seriously. It occurs to me now that this isn't realistic. My abusers talked from a very immature place in themselves. So snot it is. Thanks for that mental image.

When I read this Mr. Peanut popped into my head.

[Rain]

Negative Nellie!   I forgot about her ...wow, she was an inner critic.

[schrödinger's cat]

I pondered this. I think my inner critic is an undead skeleton-type person, the half-spooky / half-comical kind that's sure to come to a sticky end. And it IS undead, in a way. It's a revenant from my past.

Maybe I'll save the snot person for introjects caused by former peers of mine, back when I was bullied at school. It would be a pity not to use it.

I love the idea of doing all those Tom-and-Jerry cartoon things to my toxic inner critic. Strap it to a cannon, fire it at the moon. It's brilliant that it fights the Critic and also pleases and empowers our inner child. ... I'm wondering what it would be like to imagine throwing cream pies at my inner critic.

Did anyone try this visualization thing where you're supposed to call up helper figures? Fictional, historical, or real figures you trust and respect, and who are strong and caring? I never tried that during an EF. It might not work if the EF is already so bad that your inner critic might sway you and make you imagine those helpers turning against you. But for milder flashbacks? Hm...

[schrödinger's cat]

One of my helpers is Jane Austen. :-)  I'm also trying to picture an inner helper that's the motherly type, so if I'm in a situation where I again notice my abandonment pain come up, I can maybe visualize what this motherly-type helper would do to cheer me up, and then see if I can do it for myself. Not sure yet if that works at all. Might be a good idea to start doing it during mild flashbacks first.

Tried it just now. She offered to make me a big cup of tea, so I'm off to put the kettle on.

[Rain]

Oh, I like that Cat.   Jane Austen.

Nice she "made" you a cup of tea.