how do i become normal?

[Larry]

I have a lab german shepherd mix,  and a maltese yorkie mix.  they really help me keep it together !  sometimes i only get out of bed because they need thier breakfast.  but at least it gets me out of bed ! 

[Libby183]

Hi Larry.

So nice "to meet you" for the first time.

It is very stormy here in the UK, so my dog and I haven't been able to get out for our usual walk. She is a princess, and doesn't like the rain!

By the way, my dog is a mixed terrier rescue dog. She is such a character!

But it has given me the chance to read this caring thread.

I am sorry to read what you have been through with your father, and your daily struggles, as a result of your lack of closure. I do understand, even though my parents are still alive.

I know it sounds trite, but it does get better. If you can get out every day, with your dogs, then that is a win, a victory, whatever you like to call it. Then your dogs love you, for what you have given them, so think positively of yourself for that. Genuinely, this was my first step in healing from childhood abuse, and a dysfunctional marriage.

Keep on coming here for support and encouragement. We are all here for you.

[Larry]

thank you Libby !  i really appreciate all the support

[Larry]

i have a therapy appointment for next friday !  scared and excited at the same time.  i don't know what to expect,  but i know i need to try something.

[Armee]

Wow! I'm so proud of you!!!

I was terrified of my therapy sessions for about 2 years. So maybe expect to be pretty darn nervous and know that is very normal. I also tried to pretend like I had it all together for about a year and a half. 😂 You don't need to do that. Kind of counter productive.

I think my experience at least too is that trauma therapy doesn't leave you feeling better after therapy. Over time there are huge improvements but it is very unsettling to even be in a physical space where this stuff might come out.

If you can, let the therapist know you struggle with substances so they know to help you with other ways to cope with the distress that will arise during therapy. Like I normally was a 4 glasses of wine a week person but after some sessions it was 4 glasses a night to cope. But that's up to you when you feel comfortable talking about that or anything. Slow slow slow, and at your pace, is so important.

[Larry]

thank you Armee!,, i told her on the phone today that i have been over drinking to cope.  i really don't want to do that.  i have been drinking and driving,  riding my motorcycle,  i think i am trying to get hurt.  i just really do not want to hurt somone else.  i know it will be scary,  and probably painful.  i just hope i can get results and feel somewhat normal.

[Dante]

Way to go Larry!   I feel proud for you!!!

[Larry]

thank you Dante,  i really hope i can go to the appointment!  i don't expect a miracle,  but i really hope it helps, 

[Papa Coco]

Hey Larry,  Way to go!

You keep saying you're nervous about your first therapy session because you don't konw what to expect. So I wrote a few notes here to hopefully help you feel a little less anxiety about it.

First of all: Therapy is really important in gaining control of CPTSD. I hope, hope, hope this is a good therapist who does understand CPTSD, because if she is, then you will likely feel pretty comfortable by the end of the first visit.

Another thing I like about therapists is it is their job listen. They chose this job. They aren't there because they have to be. They went to college for it and started a practice because they want to help. So I needn't feel any guilt for dumping my issues onto them. So, therefore my Fawning doesn't grip me as bad as if I was asking a friend for help. When I'm talking to a friend I feel like I should be the one taking care of them, and if they help me with one thing, I feel I owe to help them with two in return. But when I visit a therapist whose self-imposed job is to help me, then I feel like I don't owe them anything, and my chronic fawning takes a much needed break.

The hardest part for me in the beginning of my therapy, (decades ago) was coming to realize how much I really can trust my therapist. Mine is a beautiful, caring, gentle man, but I had never trusted anyone before, and it took me a while to really come to grips with the fact that he really was always on my side. My therapist is over 70 years old now but won't retire because he loves helping people feel good about themselves. Trust, for us CPTSD survivors, takes a little time. Therapists know that, but they can be very helpful before you build up your trust, and then, one day, when you finally really feel safe with her/him, your therapy sessions get even better.

Most often, the first session is a very positive experience. She needs to get to know you, while you get to know her, but she will likely give you something wonderful to feel good about by end of day one.

What you're going through, your drinking and driving and self-destructive actions are normal for many CPTSD survivors who are in the duress you and many of us on this site have lived through. These risky acts on motorcycles and cars are what she went to school to learn how to help us with. I seriously doubt you're going to surprise her with any problems she hasn't helped others with before, nor will again.

Okay, so much for my sales pitch on the value of a good therapist. I just know how scary the unknown is, but I also feel that the good therapists are really good people.

I'm excited for you. I can't wait to hear from you after your first visit. I've got all fingers and toes crossed that your first visit is going to be nothing but positive for you.

I'm on your side!

[Pippi]

Just wanted to chime in to say that I'm so inspired by you, Larry, and your courage in just showing up and being honest and seeking help.  I'm new here, too, and I was nervous about it at first, but have been amazed at the wisdom and kindness in this forum.  So glad you are here, too.  (And I can absolutely relate about using alcohol to cope.  You are certainly not alone in that struggle.)   

[Larry]

thank you all for the advice !  staying sober today,  just trying to relax a little.  the first session is a little over a week away,  i know i will get a little more scared each day,  but i really feel like there is hope.

[Dante]

That's awesome, Larry!

[Larry]

thanks Dante,  i am off work today,  going to try to get some exercise,  hopefully no drinking today.  i don't like days off,  i want to do something fun but don't know how anymore. 

[Kizzie]

      What's important IMO is that you don't want to drink and want to get some exercise, big shift Larry!  Like anything it takes practice and patience to learn to be sober and present.   

[Dante]

I totally relate, Larry.  I think that's the biggest part of why I still struggle with addictions.  Because they're the only thing I know how to do for me.  If I stop them, then what would I do instead?  That's the question I'm trying to figure out the answer to.  But I understand completely what you're saying.