Stopped drinking

[Pippi]

Hello to all.  Just wanted to post here about a change I have recently made.  I stopped drinking a week ago, following a health scare which I know (in my gut) is related to alcohol, even if my doctor has no clue (of course I didn't admit to her that I'm drinking like a fish!).  I have spent most of my life self-medicating with food and perfectionist over-achievement, and then switched to alcohol when I became a single mother to a very high-need three-year-old, working full-time and coping with a very angry ex-husband.   Ten years have now passed, and I find that I'm drinking more and more, even though life has become much better and easier in many ways.  I am remarried to a loving, supportive partner and have a much better relationship with my ex.  My child is healthy and happy (if a moody teenager!). But the CPTSD that permeates my cells is not resolved.  Interactions with my FOO, though I try to limit them, often send me into a dark and dissociated place.  The urge to squash and avoid my feelings and body sensations is powerful.  And I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to be here.  I want to exist, feel my feelings, hear my thoughts, have choices and clarity.  I don't want my evenings to revolve around how I will locate the next drink, and how I will manage to stop drinking and go to bed.  And how I'll hide all this from my friends, husband, and daughter.  I want to model health and self-love, not the self-annihilation that I learned from my own mother.

I've been reading the work of Annie Grace, and finding her perspective very helpful.  I wonder if any others in this forum have found her approach helpful too? I'm guessing she is somewhat controversial, because she is somewhat critical of traditional 12-step recovery programs, but for me, her words and approach really resonate.  (I also was abused as a child by my older alcoholic brother, who used his AA "recovery" against me, so 12-step groups are huge triggers for me. I know there are many good people in AA and that it helps them heal, but my brother is not one of them.) 

The other thing that is helpful is finding new things to replace the regular evening "activity" of drinking.  I'm focusing on cooking healthy meals and really pausing to listen closely to (and appreciate) my daughter, my husband, and... my dog!   I'm also joining in some online meditation and bodywork/breathwork classes. And, of course, now I also have this group of people who will listen, not judge me, and possibly even relate to me. 

Thanks for listening to me, believing me, relating, and caring.  And thanks for telling me about your own struggles and healing.  It helps so much.

[Bach]

Hi, Pippi!  Congratulations on your healthy change.  I've never heard of Annie Grace, but I'm very interested because I have HUGE problems with 12-step programs, and would welcome a chance to discover a more helpful perspective.  Is there anything in particular of Annie Grace's work that you would recommend?  I would love to check it out.

[Dante]

Hi Pippi, I also have my issues with 12 step programs.  They work for some people, they didn't for me.  In fact, that's part of what led me here - wasted years of trying and failing to adhere to arbitrary rules that didn't fit my journey and that made me feel bad about myself when I already felt bad.  I've found that because of CPTSD, I didn't even have the ability to avoid the first drink|food|whatever (they saying is "the only drink I can avoid is the first one - not for me).

I'm in a place where I'm trying to redefine what sobriety means, away from the legalistic definitions.  For me, it means improving my health - as it seems to you for you as well.

What really stood out to me is that a big part of my challenge is figuring out what else to do instead.  "OK, so I've stopped doing anything I enjoyed at all (however unhealthy) - what do I do instead"?

Good luck with your change, and congratulations!

[Papa Coco]

Hi Pippi

I'm always so happy to hear when someone has quit drinking. I quit in 2014 when my son needed to quit. I quit to support his need to quit. We've both been sober ever since.  My health issues resolved quickly. Drinking did this to me: fatty liver, waking up in a hot sweat, heart pounding, every morning around 2 AM.  Serious Acid Reflux that I needed medication for. As soon as I quit drinking, all those things went away.

I am a fan of attending AA meetings in the evening, but NOT of the 12 steps. The 12 steps must work for some people because there sure are a lot of people who follow them. But all I needed from AA was the ability to share my time with others who were dealing with the urge to drink like I was. I did NOT get a sponsor, nor follow the 12 steps. I was criticized by my councelor, but I obviously didn't need to follow them or I wouldn't be 7 1/2 years sober now. I attended nightly AA meetings for about a year, until the urge to drink was totally gone from my life. 12 steps are like any religious activity: Maybe they were created out of some need, but following the steps becomes more important to some members than the end goal of not drinking. Just like in any religion, following the church rules becomes more important to many than the peace they origionally went there to learn about.

I'm glad to hear you have a good relationship now. I'm sending you my support so you can continue in your new and improved, non-drinking lifestyle. Congratulations!!!!!

[Pippi]

Thank you, Dante, Papa Coco, and Bach, for the supportive replies! 

Bach, Annie Grace's website is here: https://thisnakedmind.com/  I really like her first book, "This Naked Mind," and I've also started listening to her podcast and it's very good, too.

[Dante]

Thank you for sharing this Pippi!  I checked out her website, and I think her position brilliantly describes where I think I am right now.  I will give it a read!

[Larry]

Hi Pippi,  congratulations !  you are a very strong person.  thank you for the info on annie grace,  i just looked her up.  going to read her books and check out her podcast.  your strenght is inspirational !

[Armee]

Congratulations and well done Pippi!

It makes sense to me that the drinking picked up when things got better because that is when we are in danger of letting our guard down and remembering or feeling things we don't want to remember and feel.