Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Chart]

Keep trying Larry. You are struggling because you suffer from Trauma. This makes many many things extremely difficult. It's probably pushing you back to alcohol, but then of course the alcohol exacts a heavy price for the brief respite from pain. The pain is often double the next day. It takes time and support to be able to move out of that cycle. Keep trying. You'll get there.
Sending hugs and support.
 

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I am also sending some hugs and support your way - and some sunshine too 

Hope 

[rainydiary]

Hi Larry, I am glad to read your journal again.  I am here supporting you.

[NarcKiddo]

Sending you best wishes, Larry.

[Larry]

thank you everyone ! 
   today is 10 days without a drink !   been busy at work,  and haven't been to the gym all week,   going to go today.   i have been looking for ways to meet people,  it would be nice to not be alone all the time.   

[Chart]

Sounds good Larry! Keep on and hang tough!

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I hope you enjoyed your gym session, if you went that day.  It's great that you had 10 days without a drink, that's an achievement.  Well done.

Wishing you the best for today. 
Hope 

[Larry]

made it 16 days then had a few drinks,   on day 4 now,  feeling ok,   i am starting therapy again on tuesday,  with a therapist i really liked.  I still need to find a more trama informed therapist,   but anything will help.   really getting tired of having negative thoughts and feeling unwanted and rejected. 

[NarcKiddo]

16 days is awesome! Well done. Maybe you'll do that again this time. But it's important to remember that every day counts. I'm glad you're starting therapy again and wish you all the best with that.

[Larry]

thank you !!

[Larry]

back to day one,   i drank a lot last night,   made it home.   i don't know why i did that to myself.  starting therapy again on tuesday

[Chart]

Larry, my therapist told me this story just the other day. I really liked it and would like to share. I think it applies to all of us.

Once upon a time there was a monk who was walking down a street to visit his master and practice meditation. Along the way the monk fell into a hole made in the street by street workers repairing the road. The monk was not mortally hurt but climbed out the the hole bleeding and bruised. He arrived at his meditation session in a poor state. The master asked what had happened and the monk explained he had fallen into a hole in the road. The master listened and asked, 'Why did you do that?' The monk could only reply that he had not seen the hole.

The following day, the monk again was on his way to meditate and upon setting out he said to himself to be careful and avoid the hole in the road. But once on his way he forgot his intention and again fell into the same hole. The master again asked the question, 'Why did you do that?' The monk replied this time that he had thought of the hole beforehand, but along the route again forgot about it and thus was surprised when it came upon him.

Again, the following day, the monk fell into the same hole, but this time he realized at the last minute and was able to control his fall in such a way that he sustained less injury as he fell, pretty much landing on his feet at the bottom. Again the master asked, 'What happened this time?' And the monk replied that he had remembered at the last instant and was not as injured this time.

The fourth day, the monk was determined to not forget. This time he approached the hole carefully, peering curiously over the edge, and proud that he had remembered. But the edge was unstable, and a part broke away, and again the monk fell into the hole. Again the master asked, 'Again, what has happened?' The monk explained his misfortune.

Day five and the monk felt confident as he set out upon his route. This time he steered well clear of the hole, passing many feet away from the edges. He kept his eyes on the hole so as to not come anywhere near to it and in doing so did not see a horse was directly in from of him. Just in time he jumped to the side of the oncoming horse... and fell into the hole... This time, the master said, 'Ah that was bad luck, but not only.'

Day six and the monk decided to take a different road entirely to get to his meditation session. Along this road he discovered a beautiful fountain and several nice shops and a café. He arrived at his master's with news of his new discoveries. The master smiled and was genuinely happy at his new experiences. This time he said, 'You are embracing change and have successfully arrive without injury but also with new sights and joy. Well done for continuing. You like every human have learned from your experiences.'

[Larry]

thank you chart,  i needed to read that,

  my session today was a little dissappointing,   i have history with this therapist and was excited to start therapy again, however she is leaving her job and referred me to another health provider.  trying to stay positive and hoping i can find another therapist i like. 

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry to hear that this particular therapist is moving on, especially since you have history and were looking forward to working with her again.  I hope she can refer you to someone you can work well with.

[Sunshineandwarmth]

Hello Larry.
What you're going through is so painful. I'm sorry you had/have to go through all of that. I really am.
I'm glad you realized that you deserve a healthy and fulfilling life.
I wish you all the best in your journey towards healing.
Love and light.