Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

i am 50,  and feel like i may never really heal.  i just want to be numb again

[Armee]

I get it. Right now I'm straddling the line between numb and not numb. I like the joy that comes on the not numb side. And yet my brain keeps me mostly safely on the numb side when things get scary.

[Larry]

just kind of having a bad day,  maybe tomorrow will be better

[sanmagic7]

hang tough, larry.  we're hangin' right beside you!   

[Armee]

There's so much pain and fear and ups and down down downs with this trauma injury. We've all been there many times. Still.

[rainydiary]

I'm sorry to hear about the tough day.  I am here with you. 

[dollyvee]

 

[Larry]

you all are amazing,    i did not drink at all yesterday or today.  i really don't think i have an addiction,  i just like it alot.  still dealing with the whole up and down thing.   i feel like i don't know what to do ,  just feel a little lost and confused right now.  i am at home,  might have just 1 drink. 

[Armee]

Wow! Larry! That's fantastic!

[sanmagic7]

keep up the good work, larry.  you're pretty amazing, too.  love and hugs

[Larry]

i haven't had a drink since saturday,  3 days now.  not 1 drink.  i don't know why,  i think maybe i did it to show my T that i am not addicted.  work was ok,  not much to do tonight,  i am at home.  kind of bored

[rainydiary]

Larry, thank you for sharing this update. 

[Armee]

 

Hey whatever works!!!

Good job, Larry.

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

That sounds positive. Perhaps your T didn't mean it that you were an  alcoholic but that the problem was using it to turn to instead of dealing with the feelings that come up, or finding another way to cope with them? It's great that you're able to take a break from it 

dolly

[sanmagic7]

well done, larry.      as armee said, whatever works.  maybe you're also feeling supported here, and that played into it.  did you feel different being sober? 

just to let you know, i'm 74 and have had those same feelings of there is not enough of my life left to actually lay all the trauma and wounding to rest.  i just changed my thinking, tho.  every day i tackle these issues is one day of feeling a little bit better than before.  even the rough days are the means of processing information to get me to another place of feeling even better. 

keep hangin' on - we're with you.  love and hugs