Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

I really appreciate everyone here.   I didn't drink at all yesterday,  saturday was a mess.   like a big mess,  drank too much,  don't remember much.   today was a little better,  only had a few.   i really don't like thinking about it,   i just want to be normal.    i feel like drinking has consumed a bog part of me.   i don't like that at all.    tomorrow is a new day.   all i can do is my best. 

[sanmagic7]

very true, larry.  love and hugs

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
Each day is a fresh new day, and I hope that today is going to have some nice experiences within it for you.  Sending you a hug    Also some sunshine too 
Hope 

[Larry]

things have been confusing,    my wife quit drinking,   i am really glad she did,  but it has made it hard on me.     my job is so seasonal and weather dependent.    i just want to work everyday.    it really helps if i am busy.     it might be time to move from here,  it has been 4 years.    i might need a fresh start.   this is a small island,  everyone knows me,  and my habits,      it is embarrising,    i just want to be normal....

[Armee]

It's really hard to live someplace small like that, and also really confusing when a partner changes suddenly even if for the better. Sending hugs and support.

[rainydiary]

Hi Larry, I wanted to say that I read your post and check in here from time to time.  I appreciate you sharing your journey and hope you continue to find steps forward that are supportive to you.

[Larry]

 

[sanmagic7]

hey, larry,

my ex and i stopped drinking several months apart.  it worked out well as we could support each other in staying sober.  i hope you and your wife find a way thru the difficulty for you. best to you with this.  love and hugs

[Larry]

thank you sanmagic,   

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

Maybe your wife wants to support you and is showing that she really cares about you and you getting better? That kind of love/care can be really difficult when we don't believe we are loveable, but she is showing you that you are.

I don't like people knowing my business and feeling exposed either, but at the end of the day, it's your life and not theirs. They can't make you feel any kind of way unless you take it on. I say that knowing how hard it is to shut stuff out and I've struggled with that for years (and honestly it only feels like it's changed since I've started addressing the physical stuff but that's another story).

I may be out of line here, but I wanted to say that I don't think you're a bad person for doing what you're doing in anyway, but I would love to see you get help, not because you're flawed, but because you're going through a cycle of drinking and then hating yourself for doing the things you're doing and you don't deserve that.

Sending you support 
dolly

[Larry]

thank you dolly    ,  i know you are right.    i know it is a bad cycle,  i need to break it.    i have been doing a little better,   but not really doing it the right way.   i am trying to bury emotions again,  and getting better at it again.   i know it will come back ,    but for now it is working.    i did not drink at all yesterday,  i did have 4 drinks today,  and i really want a few more,    but i am happy,   and that isn't always easy.   

[Armee]

Hi Larry, how are you doing today? Friday nights tend to be a bit tough right? I'm hanging in here with you.

[Larry]

Hi armee,  i am ok,  having some ups and downs.    last night i was at the local bar,  some police showed up,   i don't do anything illegal,  but it is a huge trigger for me.    i think i handled it pretty well.    i am getting better at burying emotions and feelings.      i know that isn't the answer,  but it is working for now.   i had a few drinks today,  and i really want a few more,    i am at home,  just trying to feel normal.

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
Well done for handling that situation when the police showed up - I think that would have been a difficult situation. 

I wanted to send you some sunshine, and also a hug of support, if that's ok 

Hope 

[Larry]

  thank you !    I realy want to try therapy again,  maybe a different therapist.    there are only 2 on this island ,    not  a lot to choose from.   i really do not want to do anti depressants.   my last therapist really wanted me to take Lexapro.   Maybe it would help.   but i am so afraid of anti depressants.    i feel like i need to do something before it is too late.