Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

thank you armee 

[sanmagic7]

sending love and a hug filled w/ support as you wander down this path.  glad to hear about your wife. 

[Larry]

i don't know why,   i have some good days,  and i feel like i got this.  and then....    i knoiw drinking doesnt help.   i need to find something that does help.     even on the good days i have a hard time sleeping.     i probably will not sleep at all tonight.   and really sleep is the last thing i am worried about.   i can do without it.    i just don't like the negative feelings.   i am sorry to be like this,   i know a lot of people have bigger problems.    i feel like i am being selfish.     

[Larry]

i don't know why,   today was good,   but i just want to cry ,   i just want to cry all night.    i feel like i let myself down,    i don't want many things,   i just want to be happy

[Armee]

Your not being selfish...that's the trauma talking.

Hey one of the hard truths is in order to feel joy you also have to grieve and feel the sadness and anger. It won't last forever as bad as it feels.

[Larry]

thank you armee 

[rainydiary]

Larry, it is the worst to feel uncomfortable in our bodies and brains.  I hope that you find ways to feel comfortable and at ease.

[Larry]

I am feeling good today,   just ging to enjoy it.  i hope everyone else has a good day today

[sanmagic7]

back atcha, larry

[Larry]

today was a good day,  felt like i had to force it a few times.    i only had 4 drinks today.   i really want a few more,  but i am trying to resist.    i'm at home,   
tomorrow should be a fun day.    going diving in the morning.   then should have the afternoon off.   

[Larry]

i haven't written anything in my journal in a while.    things have been good.    i have been doing really well with not over drinking.    i think i am getting better at dealing with the symtoms.    i think i recognize things earlier.   i hope this isn't just a good week,  i don't want to fall back again.     not sure about therapy.    not a lot of options where i live.  i know there is on line therapy.     i just really do not want to talk about the past.    still having a hard time sleeping.    and the nightmares are more frequent.   i thought less drinking might help with that.    sometimes i just try not to sleep.   

[Armee]

I'm so glad you are feeling better this week. 

When you are ready...You can get really far in therapy without ever needing to talk about the past. You probably shouldn't talk about the past yet. Stabilization is a really important part of trauma therapy. It took me 3 years before I could move into the past. There was plenty present moment stuff to work on while we built a strong enough base to leap into the past from.

[sanmagic7]

what armee said.  besides, once you get into therapy, you are the conductor while the therapist is a guide.  you can determine what you want to talk about and when.  the T may push on you, only to help you go where it's important to go, but if you're not ready it's ok to say that.  love and hugs, larry

[Larry]

i think that is why i didn't like therapy the last time,   i think we moved too fast,  trying emdr,   and trying to remember things from a long time ago.   
i'm not working today,  going to do some things at home.   the garden needs some attention,  and i might do some painting.   

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I hope that you have some nice sunshine today - and that your day goes well.   
Hope