Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Blueberry]

I am glad you are here Larry, I'm glad you came back.

I didn't want to write this before but the T of an old mbr on here used to say something like "it's not a case of if we fall back on our addictions but when"  And sure it's great for those who manage to never go back to their addictive behaviour, but as rainy wrote we're humans. And we have cptsd which messes with feeling, among other things.

[Larry]

thank you   Rainy, Armee and Blueberry for understanding and for the support.   Today is my birthday,   I was thinking of having 1 drink,  that was before the other day happened.   Not going to do it,   I don't even like drinking.   
I feel good this morning.  I don't have any plans for the day,   might just lay in bed for a while

[Blueberry]

Happy Birthday Larry

[Armee]

Happy birthday Larry!!!!

I'll make sure to do something enjoyable in your honor!

[Larry]

thank you 

[sanmagic7]

happy birthday, larry.  you're giving yourself a great gift!  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Happy birthday Larry!  I hope your day includes joy.

[Not Alone]

Happy birthday, Larry.

[Larry]

thank you everyone,    I don't know why i do this to myself,   I'm sitting home alone,  having some drinks.   I don't have any friends to talk to,  no one to  hang out with.   I don't know what else to do,  this is the only way i know how to cope...

[Armee]

 

I failed today too, Larry. It was a tough tough night and tough tough day and I didn't do anything fun. It may not be the healthiest but I'll toast a glass of wine to your birthday tonight and we can both try again tomorrow for healthier coping. Here's to Larry...one of the bravest kindest men I've had the pleasure to know. You deserve love and friendship and kindness. You have persevered and keep going. To you!

[Larry]

thank you armee !   you are going to make me cry,   Here is to a better day for us both tomorrow !

[sanmagic7]

today is a new day, larry.  we get a do-over.  one day at a time, ok? could it be the therapy thing has triggered you?.  be gentle w/ yourself - you deserve that as much as anyone else.  love and hugs

[Larry]

thank you sanmagic,  it is possible therapy could have something to do with it,   and when i'm alone i think i get depressed and have negative thoughts.
today was ok,   and i am working all day tomorrow,   it helps if i stay busy

[Larry]

I had a busy day today,   and decided i might want 1 or 2 drinks tonight.   A friend of mine is seeing the same therapist that i am going to see,   and she is on meds,  sober 9 months and happy.   almost makes me want to try meds instead of alcohol.   trying to cope without anything has been difficult,   I really hope i can just have 2 drinks tonight.   Not seeing this new therapist until the 25th.   

[Larry]

I had my first session with a new therapist today.  it wasn't as bad as i expected,  but i had severe anxiety for several hours after the session.   i feel a little better now.   i want to give it a few sessions,  but i don't know if this is the right therapist.   i think i am ready to try meds,   i really don't like all the anxiety and depression,