Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Moondance]

Hi Larry,

I haven't touched on this in my own journal but yes I totally relate to you and what PC wrote about alcohol addiction.

I drank for approximately 3 to 4 yrs to drown out the CSA and SA and all other pain i didnt want to feel or deal with.  My history includes attending Alateen at a young age so I knew all about 12 step groups and some FOO were in Alanon and AA.  I did go to AA for 10 years.

I mention the above for relating purposes but i also felt that even though I didn't really believe I was an alcoholic (no physical withdrawals for me either) following the steps, doing the work was very helpful to me at that time.  It gave me focus, it gave me direction, it gave me inner awareness and of course support. 

So yes you are not alone in this.

We stand with you and for you on this journey.   We care about what happens to you. That may be difficult to take in but it's true.

[Larry]

thank you moondance,  i really appreciate everyones support,   I have a session tomorrow,  not looking forward to it,  i really don't want to tell my T what happened.  today is 14 days without a drink.  things have been good the last 2 weeks.  i have had some issues,  but i have been  handling things much better.   still not sleeping much,  not sure what to do about that

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

I'm glad you're doing better  To me, I would say that you need to be as honest with your t as possible because it means as being honest with yourself as possible. You might not like what they have to say, or what's being reflected back to you, but the process of recovery and healing isn't an easy one. These aren't easy things to face, but it does get better with each step you take. You just have to take the first step. These are just my thoughts.

Sending you support buddy,
dolly

[Larry]

thank you dolly,  my session went well,  better than expected. we worked on a safety plan,  and i feel focused.  I really do not want to go back to the place i was held at.  My wife has not been drinking,  and i think that really helps me.  Today is day 16.  I have been so tired,  i thought not drinking might help my sleep,  but not yet,  been trying to work as much as possible,  i just need to stay busy.     next session is with a different T,  on Monday. 

[dollyvee]

Hi Larry,

That's great news. It sounds like you guys are making progress. I think it's understandable that you are having problems sleeping. To me, the alcohol sounds like it would drown out all the feelings/emotions coming up that are interfering with your sleep. Once you begin processing those things, your sleep may get better, which is probably easier said than done, but a necessary step if you want to move past this stuff. Unfortunately, as much as a lot of us would like to, we can't run from this stuff or drown it out forever. I think once we begin facing it, it gets easier over time.

I hope your next session goes well and we're all rooting for you,
dolly

[Larry]

thank you dolly !   
   i feel good this morning,  trying to work on self care,   something i have always had a hard time with,  also trying to work on socialising, and not feeling so awkward around people

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I also hope that your next session goes well.  Really pleased to see you felt good this morning. 
I am also rooting for you.
Hope 

[Larry]

missed my last 2 therapy sessions,  i have been feeling good,  went to the gym yesterday, painted the shed,  getting some things done.   really trying to focus on myself without being selfish.   

[Larry]

I had a good session yesterday,   a friend offered to go to an AA meeting with me on monday,  trying not to think about it much,  i hope i can go throught with it. 

[Larry]

I drank a lot last night,  trying not to beat myself up over it.  today was nice,   going to an AA meeting tomorrow morning,  working tomorrow afternoon. 

[Larry]

I did it !   I went to my first AA meeting,  a friend went with me,  i don't think i could have done it alone.  might go again tomorrow.
  I had a lot of anxiety before and during the meeting,  but feeling much better now.  I have to work this afternoon,  and have a softball game tonight.  hoping to have a good day !

[Armee]

          

[Larry]

thank you armee !   i can't believe how good i feel right now,   like i acomplished something i thought would never happen.   

[Hope67]

Larry, this is great.  Well done. 
Hope 

[Larry]

thank you hope !!