Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

thank you hope,
  I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks,  but a lot has happened,  been dealing with so many things.   I really need to get back in the habit,   it really helps me stay focused.    I have been doing good with drinking.   but i still get some negative thoughts and emotions.  not sure what i need to do to balance things out

[Larry]

today has been nice so far,  ran some errands with my wife,  going to make a smoothie and get some work done,  really going to try to make it to the gym today

[Larry]

i don't know why i keep doing this to myself,  i drank a lot last night,  found myself on the bridge,  trying to reach out for help.  i called the hotline,  they try,  but it wasn't much help.  i made it home,  not a good night

[Armee]

I'm so sorry there's so much suffering for you Larry. I'm really glad you called a hotline even if they aren't a ton of help it's still something. And I'm more glad you made it home. Your wife needs you through this process, and there's healing for you down the line too. I hope you can tell your T and sponsor. You're going through a lot. It's too much to handle alone. But you have people who care about you, including us here.

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I am so glad that you made it home safely, and I am also glad that you called the hotline. 
Take care.
Hope 

[Larry]

thank you armee and hope 
today was ok,  worked  a little,  enjoying and evening at home.   i need to do something to break the cycle i have been stuck in. 

[Blueberry]

I'm glad you made it home too Larry! I'm stuck in a bad cycle atm too. Except I just give up and go back to bed, for hours, so at least it's not potentially fatal. For both of us, baby steps upwards help  

[Larry]

thank you blueberry, 
  I think i need to spend more time alone,  i need to find peace within myself

[sanmagic7]

 

[Larry]

thank you sanmagic 
I feel like i have a lot of personal work to do,  i need to learn how to love and accept myself.   it's not going to be easy,  but i think i am worth it

[Larry]

had a good day today,  feeling positive.  going to try to go to the gym tomorrow.   

[Larry]

the last few days have been mostly good.  trying to get motivated today.  I went to the gym yesterday for a quick workout,  might try to go again today.  I haven't been to a meeting in a while,  i want to try to go again.  the support there is amazing and what i really need. 
I'm trying no to think too much about the holiday.   the last few years i tried to make new memories,  and tried to enjoy the season,  but as the day gets close i lost focus.  maybe this year?

[Larry]

today was ok,  but i just feel like crying right now,   i don't know why...    i really want to make it to the 8 am meeting tomorrow,   i need the support,  i need the comfort i get from people i barely know,   i just want to feel normal and accepted

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
I hope you are able to make the meeting tomorrow - as I know you want to get there for it. 

I'm glad that today was ok.  I know you feel like crying just now - that's ok too!  Emotion is ok.  I sometimes feel like crying too, and if I allow myself to act on that thought, it can feel better.  I don't know if it's the same for you, but if you act on your crying wish, that's ok.

Sending you some sunshine -  and also a hug 

Hope 

[Larry]

thank you hope,   I didn't make it to a meeting today,  i don't know why,   I have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow,  and i  really do not want to go.   I have seen her 1 time before  about 3 months ago.    I want to try meds,  but i am so afraid.   I had some drinks tonight,  it makes me feel so much better.   Not sure how i made it home.    i am trying to hang on,