Learning to heal, Larry's journey

[Larry]

thank you armee and phil !    if my T calls me,  i will probably do another session,  but i just don't feel like reaching out to her right now.   
I did not drink at all today,  i have been really good at limiting myself,  and not over drinking.  i don't believe i am addicted,  just had a bad 6 months of trying to run from things and forget.   I am so glad to feel like i have moved on for now.   

[woodsgnome]

It's so encouraging  to see how you've been processing so much pain, listening more to what your heart is telling you, rather than heading off for another drink, or two, or more.

Being self-aware, as you're demonstrating, seems like a huge part of the battle. Yes, the T sessions can be up, or down, or neutral -- but that hasn't stopped you from relying on your inner self as much as anything external.

Knowing you can do that is a huge step towards fulfilling your hopes of finding meaningful peace and healing.

[Armee]

 

You are managing really well, Larry.

(Also I don't know if you reached out to your T and are waiting for a response but if not, as a general practice therapists do not chase after clients or try to convince them. They won't make that first contact to see if you want to come back. So please don't take it as a sign she doesn't want to work with you if she doesn't reach out) ❤

[sanmagic7]

well done, larry.    keep up the good work!  love and hugs

[Larry]

thak you for all of the support !
Maybe i should text my T,   i think i have just been stubborn.  we did have a few really helpful sessions.   

[sanmagic7]

sometimes it takes a little time/distance in order to see more clearly.  it sounds like you're coming out the other side with some of this, larry.  good job!   sending love and a hug full of support

[Larry]

thank you sanmagic ! 
i haven't called my T yet,  maybe tomorrow.   i think she will be suprised at how well i am managing not over drinking.   she has a lot of experience with addiction recovery and she did not think i could cut back and drink socially on my own.  i think that gave me some motivation.   i know she just wanted me to get as much support as possible. 

[sanmagic7]

good for you, larry.  from what i've learned, 2 drinks/day is what our body can safely manage without damage.  being in the addiction arena, i can see where your T would be thoroughly concerned about imbibing alcohol, especially to excess.  i'm glad for you that you've had some good sessions with her and are thinking of going back.  here's hoping you continue on this healthy path of recovery - recovering your self.  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Larry, I'm glad you are finding a balance with drinking that feels right for you.  I have found it helpful to have people outside of our regular circle that can witness us in all of our states and show us they still accept us.  I hope you find someone like that as well as things that help you feel at ease. 

[Larry]

i am having such a hard time tonight,    little things are really pissing me off,     i don't know why,   i just want to get drunk and forget everything

[Armee]

 

I guarantee there's a trauma trigger behind how you are feeling right now.

I'm sorry you are going through this, Larry. Just remember this horrible feeling will eventually crest and then pass. Hang in there.

[Larry]

not really sure what happened last night,   i feel better this morning.   

[Blueberry]

I guarantee there's a trauma trigger behind how you are feeling right now.

[Larry]

i really need to learn to recognise when that happens, maybe it would help me deal with things a little better.   i don't really know what could have triggered me.   

[rainydiary]

My experience is that it can be really tricky to know why although sometimes it can be obvious.  It does take practice.  I am going to try to put into words my experience and it is ok if it isn't helpful or supportive to you.   

For me, it can be anything from a facial expression or tone of voice or body position to something familiar about a situation (like a place or event that happened before).  I don't remember exactly how/when I started noticing. 

I think it began with just noticing when I was feeling out of control inside.  I began to notice how my body was feeling.  I started paying attention to thoughts that were coming up.  And pretty soon I could begin seeing patterns and making connections to things that happened to me in the past.  Initially it really helped me to say "I am safe" to myself. 

All of this is very uncomfortable.  It often helps me to either write out all of my ugly thoughts in a journal or do something like yoga.  I actually wrote out a list of things that help me feel better and it also includes things like drinking tea or reaching out to my one trusted friend. 

I still don't get it right a lot.  I have been deeply triggered of late and didn't even realize it until this week.  I think there are just layers and layers and layers of things stored in our bodies that it comes up at different times and in different ways.